Kisses are all I have to give
gold dust to fill your soul
Tender nights more than dreams
Carry you into the lands
We’ve never traversed before
I know you will ask for more
So my heart
It’s time to say ‘yes’
My love
I promise to hold you
Never to let you go
Even if the moon says
Goodbye

have you felt all alone? Nothing and no one with you in mind, soul or spirit. Completely alone, you hear the wolves howl far away calling out to the pack to get together for the hunt, it’s full moon; the familiar owl hoots and suddenly stops mid hoot as if it spotted its prey, careful not to shoo it off, I stood by the french window trying to get a glance at the rickety  gate hanging gingerly on the fence, apologetically squeaking as if some one trying to open it wide enough to enter. And there she stood baggage and purse balanced in one hand slowly walking up the path to the front door. My loneliness trickled away into spheres unknown, when did I feel alone!? Is it only me who feels this way?

Don’t tell me blue is just a color and not a feeling, I feel wretched, alone, depressed inside out; no way of escape, dejection’s shame, lost,  unfulfilled, all utter chaos in this frame: how do I get out of this, do not know; only the good Lord has answers so Lord help me out of this storm of sorrows...

my heart has been burgled
know not how to find
I walked up the meadows
asked the green grass
and sunshine
they laughed as if tickled
so moved on to the glen nearby
scary sounds from the deeps
made me shake and almost scream
for I found my heart dangling
from the tallest tree
with a note written
dare to climb up
to find the thief
who took this heart away
some one please help me
climb this tree
this heartless being
needs my heart back
please don’t tell me
go climb that tree
for I know not how
my heart is all I need..:

what do I need?
to burn in the fire of your love
even when you look away
I understand that flowing heart
loving me the way you do
even when I let you down
you keep loving me
like how only you can
so what am I waiting for
to burn in the fire of your love
to become ashes
to be thrown into your being
for that is where I reside
yes
I reside in you...

I lay on the green meadow
Watching the cotton candy clouds
Sailing by
Changing shapes at the will of the winds flowing by
Some of them looked like people I know
Some looked strange as can be
But one of them looked exactly like you when you gaze at me
Surprised I waved my hand
And it’s hand waved back at me
How did you manage to do that
Dear Lord am I living in fantasy...

you left me like the north wind, my head spinning; knowing not what to think or say, I felt abandoned, in dismay; I spoke to none, to this day, for what could any do or say! I do speak to the winds especially the north, asking him if he saw you or have seen you any of these days; my heart broke into a million pieces which can never be put together, for he told me that you married the farmer’s eldest son; the captain in the army, and have raised your brood of children all of them looking exactly like you! How would or could I be anywhere for I was, am still the poor cowboy out in the fields all day: a little hay to lay down my arms for a pillow I do sometimes cry myself to sleep; thinking I shall never see you again...

I crave for your breath on my neck, for that nearness is much more than my own breath! It’s ok to give up my life for you, to be with you for those few moments. I can be thrown into fire, for I know you will be there with me, your presence makes me safe, so safe that the fire forgets to burn or even singe my hair. What more can I ask for, what do I need; for all I am asking for is you...

the breeze that blew the leaves away; no, I could not even sigh, thinking of what I missed that day; there could have been the misty air filled with fragrance I have never smelt, the maidens kerchief she dropped; wanting to be picked up by the village lad, who looked at her every day, as she passed by the bakers way; their eyes met a few times but did not have the courage to spell forth, friendships broken again, by that wind; that blew the kerchief away: the designs covered with autumn leaves that lay one by one like heavy sheaves, I did take that road one day to see it stepped on, ruffled beyond its days, since no one did or could pick it up, I picked it up and laid it on the bakers way! Came by the lad the same morning; found the kerchief, fragrance of the yellow and autumn woods, he turned to see the maiden stare wondering how he found her kerchief there!

I walked away to write the new brewing romance of the day....

They say diamonds are forever
And so am I
Crushed beneath piles of dreams
Someday someone came scooped
Me from beneath the rubble
Dusted me free of all dirt
With His own blood
Washed me and made me
As white as snow
I glitter in His light
Though sinful I am
He made me His own forever...

I longed to dream the same each time I slept, for it had captured my heart like none before; the world I was in was so beautiful, words are yet to be created to describe the beauty I saw; the wind had colors I have never seen before, the fishes that swam in the sea of glass, in unison like I have never seen before; each of their colors so sublime, the harmony and ease they swam around, creating no ripples or waves; yes everything so calm and no movement around; where was I? Is it the sea of glass! The Lord must have heard my prayers and given me this dream and repeating it again and again to be immersed in His love, yes, He calls me friend...

in my heart there is this gossamer’s dream woven not in silk but in dreams, to love like the one who made me and my dreams; when my heart broke, my million dreams lay in my mind; transfixed hoping to be worked out someday, when I meet with you face to face, as promised by you, even before I was made!

From dust I came
With how much love
And tender care
He would have made
This frame with plans of welfare
So does it matter
That I am covered with sin
For I am covered with His blood
Every breath I am being perfected
For life with him in mansions
Prepared by His hands
Eternity to be with Him...

If English were not adjectives, adverbs, conjunctions et al;
Just words to describe feelings,
Thoughts would pour out like torrents;
All humans would outdo Shakespeare!

I stand flawed and imperfect before you, still you chose to love me like none ever could...

What can I say, what can I do; to deserve to be loved by you..

I held her gaze for a fleet second
Her look so intense
Sitting alone our minds speak
Beyond love we traveled
It’s not in touch or nearness
Much beyond love calls
Where can I abide for such love
Carries me into horizons...

The tortuous winds of time rallied around my mind, circling in spheres unknown; I tried stepping out several times to fall into rabbit holes: I held up my hands for help, He lifted me and am saved...

Some believe in dragons
Some believe in fairies
I believe in the creator who
Made all of it
He walks ahead to prepare
My ways
I do fall man times a day
But He is always there to
Pick me up from the deepest
Of them all...

I remember those walks on the beach, the gentle waves lapping on to your feet; some of them trying to get on your knees, some of them too shy breaking away in the distance; that one big one who drenched you completely! the tears not ‘cause your cried but the salty water irritating your eyes, I gently rubbed away your tears with my handkerchief, then I saw that expression in those deep eyes, deeper than the seas: were you really trying to tell me something, which had no words so you extended yours hands but before I could hold them, you tucked them away into the depths of your wet pockets; never to give them to me ever again...

you may feel ashamed of me sometimes
for I am not moulded nor made the way you thought
so different am I
from the others you came across
so dear I shall wait
forever
for your heart to change
when you get back
I shall never ask
why
for you are the same
the best for me ever...

I’ve come to the point when life’s ebbing away, over the years what have I attained; yes, I came as a mistake, remained a mistake; one day I realized that I was created to journey through, to find Him who created me; who is the only way: I have Him the nearest always, carrying me through all the way..

I had no say in this at all
For I just fell in love
I promised myself never to love
Each time my heart failed
Took control of my mind
So whom do I go to complain
For I just fell in love again...

Distance and time
Kept us away
Hoping against hope
That someday
We shall meet
Be together again
Waiting to catch up  
Moments lost regained
Speak your heart out
So that I can listen
To your soul
Endless stories retold
Time to know
You once again...

One of the best moments of my life was when I sat by my grans grave  eating jamuns. I remember how well I could climb the top most branches to pluck those juicy black ripe fruits. My hands and face stained with its dark tinge, leaving memories for my old age...

You hated me that day,
I said,‘I love you’
I moved on sad, defeated;
It’s been decades,
Since we met;
Don’t know if we will,
Ever meet again;
Is it just my feelings
That you love me too!?
For I hear you say so,
In every sunrise;
Every blooming flowers,
Fragrance so deep;
Myriads of lights shine,
In my heart and mind;
When I am alone,
Thinking ‘bout you...

I asked God for an immaculate heart,
He said, He would have to tear down
the present one! I said, yes Lord;
So He tore it down, it fell into a million pieces; shredded, useless and forlorn
No, I could not complain, for, it was I who asked: He gave me what I wanted, He did comfort me constantly; He laid His hands around me: sinner that I am, He opened the eyes of my heart to see, to leave behind my sinful ways; to walk with Him always, one day I felt different without any burden in my heart, He looked at me how only He could look, with all compassion, love and mercy, He said, I am glad you asked me that day, to give you an immaculate heart...

my heart stopped beating for a few seconds when I saw her looking at me, I looked away for I did not want her to know that I noticed her; I knew from the bottom of my heart that she loved like she has never done before, both of us knew and understood there is no future to this kind of love. So we nestled our love in our hearts, sometimes uprising and surges made like the ocean waves, small lapping ones that gently touch out feet, there were ones that rise above our shoulders and there are moments when they are so huge that it’s overpowering heights reach above our heads, we ride the surfs together, holding our hearts together, lest we fall; gaze deeply in adoration and wonder if we would ever get to see each other again...

She was found in the very act!
She could not be forgiven,
The world wanted to stone
her to death; but the Lord
said, he who has never sinned,
Cast the first stone; there was none,
They all left, He asked her to go
and no more sin; live a life that
is pleasing in His sight, so, let’s never judge for He will judge  each of us one day, and let’s be fair to all...

why do I feel as if everything has come to an end, even though there has been no beginning; the whispering winds cast its own burdens into my very soul, the black cat cast eerie shadow as it ran past me, as if in a hurry to catch the last train out of town! Do cats catch trains, my dismayed mind asked me, my soul why art thou quiet within me? I want to speak to none, for I am hurt and bruised from within for it looks like she has left me forever....

I’ve moved on from the sphere of language to silence, for silence speaks much; lost much speaking but gained millions by being silent, for silence moves souls to speak!

i’ve been waiting all these years,
now I am slowly moving out of time; don’t tell me once I am gone that you loved me all the time! I know that you are missing me every breath of your life, so why don’t you just tell me; so that we can together abide?

I often times wonder, which is the best time to write? For me the best is anytime; I get those unique thoughts that just pops into my mind, even if I am tired I drag out of bed to write the down before they disappear! For every word I write is precious and a gift He has given only for me to write...

as the song said, ‘ there was something in the air that night, the stars were bright’, you leaned towards me to hold my hand, yes, it was least expected, I did not know what to do; so I looked into your eyes but the shadows covered them, I could feel your breath on the nape of my neck; I could do nothing else but look at you in wonder, I felt drunk as the atmosphere was so perfect, I loved it when you snuggled into my coat for warmth...

The park bench, the movie theaters, the side walk paths, those lonely roads laden with trees are all missing us..

She did not want to be my friend anymore, I walked away slowly down the steps; leading me to think deeply and to change, the world was so different those days, none to hold my hand, to say it’s ok; I thought so much and was alone, as none wanted to be friends, so it was never her mistake; it’s all ‘bout me who was a failure and a huge mistake: I grew older, of course, with years passing by, often sat down to write my thoughts when I was sad; one day I wrote when I felt happy; those words were soothing to read than the unhappy ones! So writing became my dear friend, though without a face or a figure I loved to write; words became my best friends....

It’s unique and strange, how peoples of the world unite; just by reading thoughts put into words, some call it poetry, some say it’s just words, some like me call it ‘reaching out’ for I am not sure if these would be liked, loved or adored! I find great joy in seeing my thoughts unfold into pictures that can be felt, seen and touching hearts; so let’s write on, get to know each other everyday?

I wake up with you in my thoughts and go back to sleep again thinking ‘bout you. Did it make any difference to you or to your thoughts? For your thoughts were never for me...

I promised myself never to pick another dandelion to tell myself, she loves me, she loves me not; for the flower died in my declaration of my love for you...

I lay on the sweet smelling grass looking up into the blue skies, came a passing cloud looking like an antelope; changing shape with the blowing wind became a horse in full speed...

my flickering thoughts again all ‘bout you for I saw you passing by with your new friend; no, I would never be that someone for you, for I remained that soul, just dreaming about you...

I hated the sunlight,
For it could touch you!
I hated your sheets
For it could embrace you!
I hated the very air around you,
For you breathe it in!
When will I get to touch, embrace
And breathe you in?
My soul aches for you...