the times that i hate myself the most
are the times i wish i could be my best

i wish that for you
i could be a better me

the moment it shatters
is when i see how beautiful it was

it wasn’t supposed to happen like this
everything is going so wrong

i am hard to love
and i am broken inside

but all of my pieces are loving you
loving you with all that they are

i am so in love
with no idea how to love

where i should leave trails of roses
i leave trails of destruction

today is the day i stop asking myself
why people leave me

because if i could
i’d leave me too

emptiness is what bleeds you to death when it cuts you
but if you run around with a blade in your hands
you can’t put the blame on anyone but yourself
when you find the blame driving the blade into your chest

deflated
but still somehow filled to the brim with self hatred
i love you
three words that were once so heavy
that now just feel so empty

selfish as a lover
and selfish in pain
i wish you knew i still mean it all the same

i don’t love you any less
just because my head is a mess

sabotaging anything good
because i’m scared to love someone this much
i can only apologise

but even in that i’m selfish
because who am i sorry for
me or you

i want you to hate me
i deserve it all
leave me in my pain
because i deserve to feel it