I’ve been told recently that I’m psychotic because I don’t want people who aren’t good for me around anymore

I’ve been called selfish because I’ve put myself first in only the most detrimental of situations

I’ve learnt that even people who have fooled me into thinking are really good people for years, are actually not

I’ve been told I’m going to lose everyone because I have not been afraid to tell people when they’ve upset me

I’ve been called the runt of the family for speaking loudly and proudly about how our opinions differ

I’ve learnt that I am a hell of a lot stronger
Than I ever wanted to learn
I’ve learnt that only from beneath the ground do flowers grow
Thank you for burying me  
And giving me this opportunity to blossom

I lay in bed
Eyes wide
Heart racing
Mouth dry
Struggling to catch my breath
As my mind conspires against me

Will I live to see the day
That it isn’t true to say
This will always be the way?

Probably not
With that my hope rots

I wish my mind could pause for a minute
Let me gather myself
Make a plan
And get my **** together
The slither of hope that remains
Does nothing
But breed eternal misery

I met someone once, right for me
The only problem was
He wasn’t ready to settle down for me

I met someone once, cute as can be
The catch was
Nothing about it was the way we wanted it to be

I met someone once, who made me feel safe
The fault was
I couldn’t prove I felt safe

I met someone once, I got along with him great
The downfall was
Together, we couldn’t figure out how to be great

I met someone once, he held me close
The dilemma was
He just never knew how to stay close

I met someone once, now I’m scared
The fact might be
I might not love anyone the same again. I’m scared

I met you in my dreams
you said “baby, what’re you doing here?”
I said “I came for you.”

From the distance I see your face drop
Was I not supposed to miss you?
Is expecting to kiss you, wrong?

I expected the darkness to fade when my eyes opened
but the darkness is my life without you
this is my reality now

i would do anything to go back to mediocre misery on a daily basis
because without you i am drowning in depression

Did you love me like I love you?
Do you miss me like I miss you?

Are all of the things that you hated, the things you miss the most?
Are you still kicking yourself for thinking of me as soon as you wake up and as soon as you get into bed?

Will I ever not see shimmers of your absence everywhere I look?
Will I ever find someone as exhilarating as you?

Am I going to ever stop wondering if you’re going to message me saying you regret it?
Am I ever going to stop loving you?

When will this get easier?
When will it become me and not us?

Everything I do hurts a little without you
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel now
I feel like I need one last cuddle where you embrace me and make me feel safe
I wish I could have one last night where I’m laid by your side and you pattern my spine with your finger tips
I want one more night of smoking and takeaways when we pretend that we are the only people on the planet that matter and exist
I need you to look at me the way you did after you hadn’t seen me in a while, one last time because I’m longing for that sense of belonging
I’m convincing myself that maybe if I could relive all of these precious moments with you
Maybe I could relive my time spent with you
And it would never really have to end
Soon I will be used to doing things on my own
And you will too
But I will forever hold the times we shared close

You and me, never together but with each other forever