we used to talk daily.
video called and texts
snapchat and instagram.

i was closer to you than i've ever been with anyone.
and it was great.

but now that my phone has been taken
and we can only communicate via email

there is a newly formed chasm
with only a single bridge across it.

and not the type of bridge one wants to be on.

I know you're not glued to your phone 24/7,
but the distance is making me wonder
if you're falling out of love

because even though i try to reach out,
i am usually met with radio silence

and trust me,
it is deafening.

every day i inch closer and closer to just falling off of an edge i'm not even sure exists anymore.
perhaps i've been falling this whole time and never knew. although every time i think i've hit rock bottom, i fall a whole lot farther.

they tell me over and over that i will eventually reach a point where i can only go up, but every single time i begin that near impossible climb to the top, i am yanked downward harder than ever.

i'm beginning to wonder if there ever was a rock bottom. or if i will ever even reach the top. is it all worth it? to keep climbing and slipping?

my bones ache and my lung scream for air as i fight against the gravity of the world that i hold on my shoulders.

maybe it's time to just let go and fall forever.

maybe.

Sometimes, no, usually,
I feel as if the whole world is against me.

Maybe its teenage angst,
or something bigger,

But no matter how much the lexapro can suppress it

it always comes back, and usually hungrier than the last time.

this, monster inside me that claws and digs at my brain,
trying to take every piece of me away.

Jokes on him,
there wasn't much there to begin with.

At this point
I am nothing more
Than a rat at a zoo.

Not interesting enough to be the main attraction
but still there,
and occasionally laughed at by pedestrians.