a responsive canvas
is that what you want?
a place you return to time and time
again
to be alone
with yourself
to be alone with yourself
so you return
you return and return and return
you don’t want me to breathe
you aren't grateful for reflections
you don’t want truth
you don’t want a responsive canvas

i can't see myself loving only you for the rest of my life.
i have too much love/
love that wants to see the world and other people
and hear their stories
and hold them and love them
no jealously
no fear
no guilt
just love\

My mind
goes back
to a place
that doesn't
exist.

he says.
Go to sleep,
he says.
I'm happy now,
he says.

I love you,

he says.

with life,
without

you.

What a horrible age to live in.
We are thousands of miles apart,
but within seconds, only a phone call.
Your name is erased from my contacts,
but the ten digits are ingrained at my fingertips.
No answer.
I'm so cold.
I can only hear your voice when you let me,
on the safest nights when you are alone.
This is surely hell.

from myself

from this body that never belonged to me

from the images of you burned in the back of my brain

from reality

from myself

Trying
to convince yourself that you don’t love someone is

such
a
grand
sin.

He may be destroying me,
I may be destroying myself,
but to deny my love for him is ludicrous.

When I see pictures of you two smiling together,

it burns my heart,

burns my whole body,

my soul,

mind.

You will come back to me,

But I won’t be around.

You’ll look for where I’ve been,

And they’ll tell you

“She’s nowhere to be found.”

You’ll look on my old streetcorner,

But blackness is all you will find.

You had me, you lost me, I am an imagination of your mind.

If I could hold his smile in my sad hands
one last time..
I wouldn't need another thing.
To feel the lines of his laughter..
I wouldn't need another thing.
His smile unleashes doves from their cages,
and gives me hope with each new dawn.

*"Just to see that smile
Makes my life worthwhile."

You: "See you later."
Me: "Goodbye--
phone cuts
.. forever."
That was
the last time
I heard your voice.
Fly blackbird, fly.

was separated from my chest,
when those words left your breath.
"I love her."
You walked away,
I will never forget.
I whispered
"Goodbye."
to you in the cold winter air.
God, Bless my heart.

I know you didn't mean it,
but it's just not fair..
The way you kiss my skin
when you're playing with my hair.

So close but something happened, I became afraid.
I go back to him again.
Ever-present, he is
tapping at my window, laying on my floor.
I am safe with him. Happy.
So close to letting love in, but I became afraid.
I go back to him again.
When will I break the cycle?

The common denominator is you;
it's always you.

My man is wiser than his years
He keeps me smiling through the tears
I dance underneath the stars
I am his blackbird.