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paschelaco Feb 2022
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we are wet firewood
soaked in tears, too much for our own good
too ruined to reignite but so much left to burn.
we both know the dry season isn't coming.
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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and every day that went by
I felt like I was selling my dreams
everything vanishing before my eyes
there is a thin line between
comfort and complacency
for I have never sat still
I rather not find out
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paschelaco Mar 2022
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740 days
17760 hours
1065600 minutes
63936000 seconds

I knew I felt off
it was the day after
I should have known
I forgot...
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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frequently - I am not present.
although, every time I-
fixed your hair,
rubbed your back,
held your hand,
clasped your necklace,
wiped your eyes,
things I have done for
myself -
countless times.

I was there.
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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I know why the moon chases the earth
with the smallest rotations -
staying far but never quite moving on
the pull is just too strong to leave
waiting for an eclipse just so they can pass
each other one more time and remember
who they used to be
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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I think it is more of laying in bed with a person
you are no longer in love with and searching
for every reason to stay as they each
dissipate before your eyes...
everything once admirable now sending
you into a deep dark you've never discovered.
knowing all of it I stay,
I know sooner or later
I'd turn into you..
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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I told her that she looked pretty today.
she scoffed and continued on with doing her
makeup in the mirror.
her smile slowly began to inch upon her face
beaming back at me in her reflection.
pools of hazel, honey I am home.
she cared so much...
her sovereignty lied in the depths of words
--commonly not mine.
I often wished she could see herself
the way that I saw her.
it felt like it was always 13:1
a constant losing battle
I knew I wasn't going to be enough
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paschelaco Aug 2020
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maybe you'll find home in the silence
or comfort in the canopy of the trees .
the soft coos of the wind bring peace .
you'll call it home and never want to leave .
but for I... this freedom has been relished for
simply a nightfall with many more to come and
stories to be told . It never disappoints ; the home
I found in this silence is irreplaceable...
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paschelaco Nov 2020
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you will never know love ,
love . why measure it if unknown .
walking on a secluded rocky island .
with small creatures and history untold yet
that describes ours . standing there and feeling
every radiant beam of light caress your body and
cover you in freedom .
that's what you feel like to me .
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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"what do you miss most about her?" he asked.

she smirked as she pulled the cigarette away from her lips.

"I don't know, probably the ***"
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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it hurts but we thrive in the dark with thoughts scared of light
something spoken over a split ginger ale with a smile through your kiss
and for a moment in time we were both human...
unseen, untouched, and unfiltered.
strangers to our own bodies and minds for our love yous aren't the same.
& maybe if I listen hard enough I'll hear your song, no need to debate who's the sensitive one.
we both know I can't spare a hoodie but maybe we can be less cold together.
you'll grab my hand and say the same old same old, and I'll smile as is.
I wonder if you sleep well...
I wonder what you think on the 19th
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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so hold me in your darkest nights
and I'll tell you everything is alright
for it is not earned but owed for the light that fills my heart and the warmth in my soul
I can't make up for all the cold nights you spent on your own
and I'm sure that I'm not
I'm sure I'll never know
but truth be told some days I wish I could read your crazy mind purely to understand why you choose to be mine
but for us I call truce
we both know it will come with time
and in those very few fleeting moments when I do know
or at least think I do
I cherish
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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"I know she's gone but I hate her"
she said so confidently-
I'm not sure if she was looking for agreement.
little does she know there is a little piece of you
in every single thing I do that she holds so dear.
there's a part of you in every song I listen to-
you know, the ones that she'll have on repeat.
as they fall, it makes my own all the more justified.
I would fall for me too-
after all
I fell for you.
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paschelaco Apr 2022
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soul spilling cash shelling
water wrecking—
I speak to the fears that live in
the basement of my heart
we are quite cordial
although they’ve become strangers
as I explore this new life cracked open
“don’t you miss it all”
it’s hard to miss a life I never truly knew
I accept these faults although
I do not live with them
with new favorite spots
healthy habits
and personal “quirks”
I peel back a little bit of skin everyday
I choose to share my fragile moments
because I know…

I am strong enough to let someone in
eight
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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I can feel the presence of a person in
the room before I even open my eyes.
it often makes it hard to sleep at night.
I can not have a roommate.
I do not have a roommate.
I have always flinched a little harder than I
should -even as a child
I actual prefer to drive in silence
I hate for music to take the
space of my thoughts.
I check my watch four times
one for time
one for heart rate
one for time
one for heart rate
I am timid around alcohol
I retrain from partaking,
it reminds me of February-
I do not like the month of February.
I check my mirrors four times.
center, right, left, center
I write more than I could ever say.
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paschelaco Aug 2020
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maybe it's the way your lip quivers ,
it quivers when you have more on your mind than you'd like to admit .
saying something true , bold , something you know you can't take back .
whether it be an "I love you" or "I'm scared"
you'll stare with intent with thoughts of none .
what if? when will? will we? I can't...
don't worry... me too .
I wish I could sooth your thoughts like yours presence does mine .
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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I find it ironic we both believed we weren't
enough for each other in our own ways -
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paschelaco Aug 2020
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I once pride myself on my ability to be unreadable .
maybe I still do , who knows .
there is this comfort in not having anything to lose ,
or so it seems .
but there's this thing in your smile...
I've never been one for reassurance but those two words were all that I didn't know that I needed to hear .
there is solace in knowing that I can feel .
maybe I don't want anyone to feel it the way I do .
your laugh makes it all undeniable ; I can't help but look and wonder where you've been .
how was life back home? any cobblestone roads?
I'll wear my heart on my sleeve and try
maybe you'll help me get the confidence I fake .
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paschelaco Mar 2022
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"good morning pige"
with a soft kiss on my forehead
I opened my eyes to see you in uniform
ready to leave for work
4:47am
I closed my eyes for what felt like
a few minutes
6:51am
I put on my sweatshirt
and leashed sadie
I went to the kitchen
you brewed my tea...
I stepped out the back door
to the beach and felt myself melt
I haven't felt so safe
to be fully known and
truly loved
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paschelaco Feb 2022
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remember when you were six?
spinning dizzy in the backyard under the sun?
running, laughing, singing til you fell...

remember when you were sixteen?
dizzy from vomiting and crying on the bathroom floor?
starving and carving yourself until you felt nothing...

time changes.
I
paschelaco Aug 2020
I
I am from chipped beveled glass
from hand-me-downs and prideful hearts
I am from the burning cities of Perth
where art is a way of life and beaches are home
I am from a peaceless nights' sleep
with covered ears and whimpering cries
I am from closet thoughts
from the "what ifs" and "could nevers"
I am from the empty holidays
with lonely living rooms and booked flights
paschelaco Dec 2019
off season bearings
just by a month
not all things ripe have fallen
waiting just for you
beauty with every purpose
with no intentions of partaking
fresh stitches at every seam
you too only last for two
so we make the best of time
doused with laughter and sunburnt cheeks
didn't know spring could last a lifetime
two , two weeks of bloom--
and we're already half way through
the seasons don't deter the seeds we sow
with sunshine like her its endless
so we water with unknowing scythes
knowing that any season can be ours

— The End —