I find it ironic we both believed we weren't
enough for each other in our own ways -

"what do you miss most about her?" he asked.

she smirked as she pulled the cigarette away from her lips.

"I don't know, probably the ***"

"I know she's gone but I hate her"
she said so confidently-
I'm not sure if she was looking for agreement.
little does she know there is a little piece of you
in every single thing I do that she holds so dear.
there's a part of you in every song I listen to-
you know, the ones that she'll have on repeat.
as they fall, it makes my own all the more justified.
I would fall for me too-
after all
I fell for you.

frequently - I am not present.
although, every time I-
fixed your hair,
rubbed your back,
held your hand,
clasped your necklace,
wiped your eyes,
things I have done for
myself -
countless times.

I was there.

one day it clicked,
I didn't leave because I stopped loving you.
I left because the longer I stayed
the less I loved myself.
in exchange for your self-loathing, sadness,
and fears - I gave you my optimism,
confidence,
and patience.

I just wanted you to love yourself like I loved you.
the weight of the both of us is too heavy to bear.

I told her that she looked pretty today.
she scoffed and continued on with doing her
makeup in the mirror.
her smile slowly began to inch upon her face
beaming back at me in her reflection.
pools of hazel, honey I am home.
she cared so much...
her sovereignty lied in the depths of words
--commonly not mine.
I often wished she could see herself
the way that I saw her.
it felt like it was always 13:1
a constant losing battle
I knew I wasn't going to be enough

I think it is more of laying in bed with a person
you are no longer in love with and searching
for every reason to stay as they each
dissipate before your eyes...
everything once admirable now sending
you into a deep dark you've never discovered.
knowing all of it I stay,
I know sooner or later
I'd turn into you..

I can feel the presence of a person in
the room before I even open my eyes.
it often makes it hard to sleep at night.
I can not have a roommate.
I do not have a roommate.
I have always flinched a little harder than I
should -even as a child
I actual prefer to drive in silence
I hate for music to take the
space of my thoughts.
I check my watch four times
one for time
one for heart rate
one for time
one for heart rate
I am timid around alcohol
I retrain from partaking,
it reminds me of February-
I do not like the month of February.
I check my mirrors four times.
center, right, left, center
I write more than I could ever say.

I know why the moon chases the earth
with the smallest rotations -
staying far but never quite moving on
the pull is just too strong to leave
waiting for an eclipse just so they can pass
each other one more time and remember
who they used to be

Just like mom and dad
she was tired
she put on a smile
just like her parents
she cried quietly
drawing with pens of silver
not like her parents
finally herself
creating a level of hatred
that only she would have

only she could know

prized possessions

I am from chipped beveled glass
from hand-me-downs and prideful hearts
I am from the burning cities of Perth
where art is a way of life and beaches are home
I am from a peaceless nights' sleep
with covered ears and whimpering cries
I am from closet thoughts
from the "what ifs" and "could nevers"
I am from the empty holidays
with lonely living rooms and booked flights

I once pride myself on my ability to be unreadable .
maybe I still do , who knows .
there is this comfort in not having anything to lose ,
or so it seems .
but there's this thing in your smile...
I've never been one for reassurance but those two words were all that I didn't know that I needed to hear .
there is solace in knowing that I can feel .
maybe I don't want anyone to feel it the way I do .
your laugh makes it all undeniable ; I can't help but look and wonder where you've been .
how was life back home? any cobblestone roads?
I'll wear my heart on my sleeve and try
maybe you'll help me get the confidence I fake .

maybe you'll find home in the silence
or comfort in the canopy of the trees .
the soft coos of the wind bring peace .
you'll call it home and never want to leave .
but for I... this freedom has been relished for
simply a nightfall with many more to come and
stories to be told . It never disappoints ; the home
I found in this silence is irreplaceable...

off season bearings
just by a month
not all things ripe have fallen
waiting just for you
beauty with every purpose
with no intentions of partaking
fresh stitches at every seam
you too only last for two
so we make the best of time
doused with laughter and sunburnt cheeks
didn't know spring could last a lifetime
two , two weeks of bloom--
and we're already half way through
the seasons don't deter the seeds we sow
with sunshine like her its endless
so we water with unknowing scythes
knowing that any season can be ours