I have a garden in my mind
a forest in my heart
an ache in my chest
from love torn apart

orchids so pretty
bluebirds up above
only these orchids have thorns
and the birds do not resemble love

you said “push through”
so I grab those orchids
and hold them tight
reach up to those birds
despite their great height

I am gifted with ****** hands
and pricked fingers too
but this pain is familiar
it reminds me of you

I take back those flowers
dried up and bruised
from bluebirds who plucked
and hearts that they chewed

I placed them in a box
and I taped up the lid
I put them away
in a place well hid

with no more to feed from
the birds have now fled
I’ve patched up my holes
where lilies grown instead

“you’re seem more gentle now”
not longer out of fear
not in a cry for protection or to be a haven
but in the most observant way possible-
I have become softer than before

I realized I didn’t need to “loosen up”
I will greet you with a mouth full of barbed wire
until you learn to stop approaching me
with your hands
I am not a fantasy
and I am especially not yours
anger does not save
but boundaries do

I enjoy all the moments her and I have captured
I feel at peace in her presence  
although sometimes when you look at recordings of us together-
you can see my fears..
when I coward
when I flinch
she’ll often cry-
it fills her with disgust and rage
to know that’s all my brain has known
it’s simply an instant reaction
the nightmares and sweats -
it leaves me skittish to most  
everyday is a little bit more healing
together and apart
as we trace the scars left and kiss them anyways

she smokes blue american spirits and has a tendencies for a few bar fights
her smile makes up for it though
a whole lot of attitude but even more heart
some would say a lover and a fighter
she goes quiet sometimes but
it just means she’s soaking in life
she loves her family, the beach, and quality time
all in a bittersweet way
she plays cold but the truth is told at nightfall
heart beating honest conversation
to show we are both strong

strong enough to love

and whenever she kisses me goodbye she traces all the parts she tells me she adores
starting at the bridge of my nose-
kissing every beauty mark I have on my face
going down to my neck and to both sides of my cheeks crossing over each of them again
I can’t help but smile and blush
kissing me once more on my lips
before we stare at each other just a few
seconds longer

I wish this goodbye was simply goodnight

you are like my hometown
I know every backroad-
the roads whisper from time to time
I'll walk down memory lane
with small smiles
"do you remember when-"
although that's all you are-
my hometown

everyone outgrows their hometown