Oh look...
I feel hollow once again
Why?
I don't know
Everything drained out of me slowly, but when it was all gone I felt empty and alone.
What does my mind go to as soon as I am empty?
It conjurers up a thought to fill the space, and an action to distract me.
Dizzy and timed, all I want to do is sigh..

You ask me why, referring to another thing.
But I can only look at you.

Again and again.

F a l l i n g  and f a l l i n g

up up up I go every time, floating so high

and soon

I fall down

to a bad bad place

And every time I get up, my legs are stronger

and I can breathe easier

because the load on my shoulders fall with me too

Stand up.
Stand strong.
We know you can do this.

You're just apprehensive, like you've been for so long

Let the words flow from your mind
Move your body to the rhythm of that music
Feel it in your bones, and let it loose.
Let it go, send it so far away.
Shake it free, shake it out.
Kiss Satan goodbye, and tell the demons to get out.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD
*******
I'm better than you.
And you've never helped me!

We see you struggling, baby.
But we can't do anything for you.
It's you and only you, save yourself.

Saving me, while I save you.
I DON'T NEED YOU, I DON'T NEED THAT.
You can disappear, because I DON'T NEED THOSE SHARPS.
AND I DON'T NEED THE WORDS.

If I'm dying I'm taking you with me.
If I'm living I'm killing you.
LIVE WITH ME AND YOU'RE KILLING YOURSELF.
You can't win.

I can't win..
BUT I WON'T GIVE UP.
And you will not win.

With my hair up and my hair down, I am beautiful.
With cuts or no, I am beautiful.
With tears running down my face and hateful insults in my head, I AM BEAUTIFUL.
My body should not have to fit into the cookie cutter of society's body expectations.
The heat from the oven that the world is has grown me and now I realize that is NOT THE WAY TO LIVE!
I may be bigger than that cookie cutter, but I am PROUDER, I may not be as pretty, but I know that I will always be beautiful in my own ways.
I will NOT be shaped by society's cookie cutter, it will sever my best parts.
It will destroy what is unique.
I know that I am beautiful no matter what anyone says, and that cookie cutter can't have me!
I know what is right and what is wrong, and SOCIETY YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!
HOW DARE YOU TELL US WHAT OUR BODIES SHOULD LOOK LIKE?!?
How dare you make little girls and young women feel as if they are ugly and not good enough?
These are not your bodies, you cannot make our choices, and you cannot control them.
They are our bodies and they are beautiful.

And it still hurts bad..
to know the truth about everything you thought.
but it was all a lie
it's all lies in this world
don't let it fool you
you can't see what is true and what is a lie
just let it go, and live your life in those lies
I know you never cared I know you never cared before
and now why do you care about the lies
you lied to me so many times
what makes you think I can do any better with the truth now
see me bold, and see my eyes
they let you know that I am hurt
and the lies still hurt
it still hurts bad..

Forcing myself to preform the treasure.
Not thinking at all about the sparkling blood.
Not caring about the consequences until afterwards.
**** ME NOW. I'M SO STUPID.
I HATE MYSELF. HIT ME, BRUISE ME. HATE ME, please..
I don't want to go, but do I really have to stay here?
Help me..please..
Can you tell me those things please?
It only caused me trouble, why do I do it?
Not enough is wrong with me, please as if.
My distorted thinking, look what it is.
Look what it has become, maybe I'll start starving too.
I hate the way I look more now than ever.
It makes me worry.
And I'm sorry for my rambling, but I can't help it.
I worry about the future and what the heck I'll do when I get there.
Just stop, quit that, stop that.
goodbye

He's gonna get tired of me.
He's gonna get tired of the sadness my mutilation causes him.
And he's gonna leave.
And I'll be too sad to even pick up the sharp metal.
I won't even want to open my eyes everyday.
I won't have enough in me to even cry.
I'm sorry, honey.
He's not gonna want me anymore.
And I'm too sad for him, and I'm too much of a mess.