today was the first day
after over four months
that I created art from food
the first time since
I left that place
I once called home

It is seemingly meaningless
So typical, so insignificant
But I felt the deep stinging pain
The one of not belonging
The one of fear, of loneliness
The one that slapped me
right across the face

How could something I
once loved so be deeply
poisoned by a memory
pushed so deep down
I barely remember it

My body, betrays me
with these crippling feelings
of pain, anxiety, my world
starts to blur, shake

They told me I was getting better
I was stupid enough to believe
Healing, such a silly phrase
I mock now, to mask the pain.

I cannot feel this now
I cannot feel this now
I do not feel for you
maybe if I keep saying
it will become true

hold me, while I
break and
fall apart,
won't you?

why do I do this to myself.

I will miss you
Oh, I will miss you so
a longing I feel now
even with you so close

alas I will look back
with sadness and joy
reminiscing how you
after an eternity
made me feel
alive
once again.

for that, I am grateful
and for that,
I will miss you.

One day ill stop staring at the screen of your chat
Waiting for something to come
Waiting for sweet words once again
Even though its been months

One day I’ll stop waiting for you to come back
One day I’ll stop hoping to see your car on the highway even to pass a glance
One day I’ll stop hoping you’ll love me even a slight amount of how I hopelessly love you

One day, I’ll stop hoping that you’re thinking of me
One day I’ll stop hoping that you’ve asked about me
One day I’ll stop hoping that you dreamt of a life with me
One day … my mind will be at peace without the thought of you in it
One day, I will not feel every ounce of heartbreak coursing through my fragile being from you leaving me so harshly
One day, I wont see your face shouting “Go”, right at me to get out of your car, to leave
An image burned into my mind
One day, maybe the pain will go away.

And although today may not be that day
I will persevere
One day.

everyday i fall deeper and deeper
into this bottomless pit of love for you
my dearest love, how you ****** me so
drawing in my mind and soul
into the depths of your never ending wonder

in bewilderment I sit, that one
so gracefully entwined with the universe
can even prove to exist
thankful to my senses to experience you

my love, I have lived years before you
But I have not felt the blood rushing through my veins
my love, I have heard the birds chirping
But I have not felt their singing in my heart

for even if one day you cease to exist
i saw colour
i heard sounds
i felt joy
i experienced love

all because
of you.