My memory consists of snapshots
Overused references and sad lyrics
Paper mill smells and ladybugs
And constant blisters from drumsticks

I've been working on training myself
To see the good and beautiful times
But everyone has those bad thoughts
I just can't seem to get over mine

I got through the family confusion
Of who's cousin and who's uncle
I got through my granny overdosing
And holding family while they're knees buckled

I got through multiple heart breaks
Through the constant abuse towards my mother
I got through my ears causing sleep paralysis
And everyone's hate towards each other

But everything comes back to you
Without you even saying a word
I can't keep it together when I'm alone anymore
Because you're far away, in the dirt

I've forgiven and changed myself
From the hateful child I was before
But I should have seen the signs
Should have taken care of you more

I should have stayed
I should have stayed
**** my life, I should have stayed

I don't need it
I don't ******* need it
Strip the flesh from my bones
Maybe then I can bleed it

The torment from past decisions
Letting emotions become my demons
Hiding within myself the only key
To accepting that I'm just a person

I can bleed all of it out
So people know what I'm talking about
When I tell them I understand
That I'm in that same pit of doubt

A moment I did not attend
A loss I still can't comprehend
A lifestyle I unknowingly defend
But always will up until the end

Sons always protect their mothers
And this one is just like any other
If I am a reincarnation of another
I will strive to be like her brother

By being there when others are not
Bringing back hope when it was left to rot
Showing you can still love after having fought
For something that should have never been a thought

When she needs to rant about school
Describe how her new quilt is "so freaking cool"
Worry her outlets aren't proper fuel
To a fire that consumed every other tool

I will be there to remind her, above all
That it's perfectly normal

Was I really such a big presence
Some major force to reckon with
When I put my thoughts down?

I both felt pride and shame
And maybe a little more pride
From sharing why I frown

I wrote and wrote and wrote
I bled words from my fingers
And vomited rhyme schemes

But since I stopped writing
I’ve felt both fulfilled and empty
Showing my emotions with ease

Did I grow out of this artistic phase
That I always though I’d be in?
Who is to say?

It may come back, this may be a fluke
We’ll see in time or maybe not
Hopefully one day

But I’ll try not to be as depressing this time

Stumble through this place
Claim it as your base
Make it look like a disgrace
Waste more of our time
Weaponize your words
Shout them in every direction
Then expect a loyal herd
Tell us all of your lies
Never know an objection
Rig every election
Lie to our face

I want to turn back time
I want to turn back
I want to turn
I want to
I want
I
I need
I need to
I need to find
I need to find an
I need to find an answer

We were both only human
We were both only
We were both
We were
We
We had
We had something
We had something then

You were in the wrong
You were in the
You were in
You were
You
I
I was
I was in
I was in the
I was in the wrong

Someday the reasons might be dug up
From the mess we made
But if it never is, I’ll still grab the *****

You shone light
Everywhere and all the time
Then created a supernova
Casting everlasting night
Every summer emits your light
And every winter steals it away
I sit and wait for global warming
To destroy everything
And bring me back the day

Neuron pathways build and vanish
Supposedly to ensure survival
They always leave me famished
For a new kind of revival

Why do they cast out new ideas?
Keeping overthinking and anxiety?
If change can happen to Pangea
Please let it happen to me

Not what I have worked so hard for
Not the things I have said or done
Just this horrible gut feeling before
I stare too long at the blazing sun

Groundhogs day
2006-2024
These lines run parallel within inches
Or centimeters or
These poems reflect the past
Never ending never changing
Just shifted formats to show
The process I call aging
Lost context and definitions
Artistic expression turned wrong
Never created anything meaningful
No point in it all along
Focus on a feeling or emotion
Felt thousands of times before
These lines run parallel within centimeters
Or millimeters or
Give detail to one thing
Neglect any nuance
Forget complexity
Identify as a savant
Groundhogs day
2006-2024
My life runs parallel within millimeters
Changing nevermore

Something we trust
So much
There's no telling what
This feeling in our gut
Means anymore
So much fake lore
Littered like plastic
No way to match it
Washed on every beach
Cooked into every feast
Burned into our skin
A sick new fashion
To oppress the oppressed
We can fix this mess
Stop going to mass
Get your head out of your ***
Experience something real
Help so others can heal
Because you won't understand
Never comprehend
But those sick *****
Are nothing but cucks
You don't need to be the same
Recognize who's to blame

Go visit other
Places and let me get rest
You big old bright *****

Buildings come crashing down
Explosions deafen everyone’s ears
Glass shatters and rains
When you come near
I put on my suit
Dig my mask out for the finale
Grab my tools and race out
To see my city look like a valley
The damage is done
The citizens mourn and try to prevail
If only they didn’t have a hero
That only knew how to fail

I will hide
Inside the
Tide and leave
When I can
Grieve my loss
Become one
With the moss

Should I sail
Plan to win
Prevail and
Be ok so
Life proceeds
On without
Needing me

Always unwanted
What purpose does this have, man
Get the **** out now

Let’s raise a glass
To the flour
The yeast
The sugar
The salt
The baking powder
The baking soda
And the heat source
For this daily bread

And let’s raise a glass
To the butter
And the toaster
For this daily toast

You study for it
Stay up all night for it
Write until your fingers bleed for it
Read about it
Think all the time about it
Talk to everyone in your life about it
Get tools to fix it
Start habits to fix it
Do everything you can to fix it
Get advice from people
Try to learn from people
Hear the same old ******* from people
Work on yourself
Be ******* yourself
Let everyone put their problems on yourself
Help everyone else
Please everyone else
Only let your schedule be for everyone else
Show your emotions
Fail to hide your emotions
Let every small thing control your emotions
Try to live your life
Wonder if it’s your life
Question if you have any control over your life

And definitely don’t plan endings well

Dear younger me,

Stop taking ****
So ******* seriously

*******,
Older me

A word here
                           A syllable there
          Should it rhyme?
WHO THE **** CARES?!

As long as you remember
                    The subject it’s about
               Poetry is poetry
                            No need to argue and shout

Wait, you guys weren’t?
It was just me yelling and screaming?
                                Well **** now I don’t know
          If there ever was a meaning

You don’t always do your job well
Even though you were designed for it
Both lack of and intense effort
Have gone into how you store it
Transport it
Hide it

You hold happiness and sadness
Anger and anxiety
Even when you break down
Everyone looks to you for safety

No matter how long I live
I don’t think I’ll see the death of you
Even though I want to

“Human nature” took you from me
And it’s been happening for centuries
Society should have advanced
Enough for this to finally cease
Yet it happens again
And again
To where it bonds women

Do you see the problem?

Being a decent human being
Is listening and seeing
That no one deserves this