My memory consists of snapshots
Overused references and sad lyrics
Paper mill smells and ladybugs
And constant blisters from drumsticks

I've been working on training myself
To see the good and beautiful times
But everyone has those bad thoughts
I just can't seem to get over mine

I got through the family confusion
Of who's cousin and who's uncle
I got through my granny overdosing
And holding family while they're knees buckled

I got through multiple heart breaks
Through the constant abuse towards my mother
I got through my ears causing sleep paralysis
And everyone's hate towards each other

But everything comes back to you
Without you even saying a word
I can't keep it together when I'm alone anymore
Because you're far away, in the dirt

I've forgiven and changed myself
From the hateful child I was before
But I should have seen the signs
Should have taken care of you more

I should have stayed
I should have stayed
**** my life, I should have stayed

I don't need it
I don't ******* need it
Strip the flesh from my bones
Maybe then I can bleed it

The torment from past decisions
Letting emotions become my demons
Hiding within myself the only key
To accepting that I'm just a person

I can bleed all of it out
So people know what I'm talking about
When I tell them I understand
That I'm in that same pit of doubt

A moment I did not attend
A loss I still can't comprehend
A lifestyle I unknowingly defend
But always will up until the end

Sons always protect their mothers
And this one is just like any other
If I am a reincarnation of another
I will strive to be like her brother

By being there when others are not
Bringing back hope when it was left to rot
Showing you can still love after having fought
For something that should have never been a thought

When she needs to rant about school
Describe how her new quilt is "so freaking cool"
Worry her outlets aren't proper fuel
To a fire that consumed every other tool

I will be there to remind her, above all
That it's perfectly normal

Was I really such a big presence
Some major force to reckon with
When I put my thoughts down?

I both felt pride and shame
And maybe a little more pride
From sharing why I frown

I wrote and wrote and wrote
I bled words from my fingers
And vomited rhyme schemes

But since I stopped writing
I’ve felt both fulfilled and empty
Showing my emotions with ease

Did I grow out of this artistic phase
That I always though I’d be in?
Who is to say?

It may come back, this may be a fluke
We’ll see in time or maybe not
Hopefully one day

But I’ll try not to be as depressing this time