Neuron pathways build and vanish
Supposedly to ensure survival
They always leave me famished
For a new kind of revival

Why do they cast out new ideas?
Keeping overthinking and anxiety?
If change can happen to Pangea
Please let it happen to me

Not what I have worked so hard for
Not the things I have said or done
Just this horrible gut feeling before
I stare too long at the blazing sun

I want to turn back time
I want to turn back
I want to turn
I want to
I want
I
I need
I need to
I need to find
I need to find an
I need to find an answer

We were both only human
We were both only
We were both
We were
We
We had
We had something
We had something then

You were in the wrong
You were in the
You were in
You were
You
I
I was
I was in
I was in the
I was in the wrong

Someday the reasons might be dug up
From the mess we made
But if it never is, I’ll still grab the *****

Groundhogs day
2006-2024
These lines run parallel within inches
Or centimeters or
These poems reflect the past
Never ending never changing
Just shifted formats to show
The process I call aging
Lost context and definitions
Artistic expression turned wrong
Never created anything meaningful
No point in it all along
Focus on a feeling or emotion
Felt thousands of times before
These lines run parallel within centimeters
Or millimeters or
Give detail to one thing
Neglect any nuance
Forget complexity
Identify as a savant
Groundhogs day
2006-2024
My life runs parallel within millimeters
Changing nevermore

Was I really such a big presence
Some major force to reckon with
When I put my thoughts down?

I both felt pride and shame
And maybe a little more pride
From sharing why I frown

I wrote and wrote and wrote
I bled words from my fingers
And vomited rhyme schemes

But since I stopped writing
I’ve felt both fulfilled and empty
Showing my emotions with ease

Did I grow out of this artistic phase
That I always though I’d be in?
Who is to say?

It may come back, this may be a fluke
We’ll see in time or maybe not
Hopefully one day

But I’ll try not to be as depressing this time

My memory consists of snapshots
Overused references and sad lyrics
Paper mill smells and ladybugs
And constant blisters from drumsticks

I've been working on training myself
To see the good and beautiful times
But everyone has those bad thoughts
I just can't seem to get over mine

I got through the family confusion
Of who's cousin and who's uncle
I got through my granny overdosing
And holding family while they're knees buckled

I got through multiple heart breaks
Through the constant abuse towards my mother
I got through my ears causing sleep paralysis
And everyone's hate towards each other

But everything comes back to you
Without you even saying a word
I can't keep it together when I'm alone anymore
Because you're far away, in the dirt

I've forgiven and changed myself
From the hateful child I was before
But I should have seen the signs
Should have taken care of you more

I should have stayed
I should have stayed
**** my life, I should have stayed

Thirty one lines
Is all I need
To satisfy the poet in me
The creative, but repetitive side
That no one needs to see
**** satisfying it
It hasn't helped me cope
With love, loss, and sanity
Or even anger, sadness, and hope
It's only helped itself
My voice doesn't even want to be involved
It just mumbles and mispronounces words
Like a ****
And my heart rate increases
Around any girl it finds viable
For love, loss, and sanity
For what my poet side should have been doing
My overthinking hinders wit
And compliments
Instead to people I barely know
By me just being polite
**** that definition
**** everything about love now
I never knew what it meant
And I've destroyed the word
Burnt it to the ground
By rambling on about the same girl
That I ruined
And who ruined me
Actually, probably only the second part
Although I'm sure I helped her