Thirty one lines
Is all I need
To satisfy the poet in me
The creative, but repetitive side
That no one needs to see
**** satisfying it
It hasn't helped me cope
With love, loss, and sanity
Or even anger, sadness, and hope
It's only helped itself
My voice doesn't even want to be involved
It just mumbles and mispronounces words
Like a ****
And my heart rate increases
Around any girl it finds viable
For love, loss, and sanity
For what my poet side should have been doing
My overthinking hinders wit
And compliments
Instead to people I barely know
By me just being polite
**** that definition
**** everything about love now
I never knew what it meant
And I've destroyed the word
Burnt it to the ground
By rambling on about the same girl
That I ruined
And who ruined me
Actually, probably only the second part
Although I'm sure I helped her

Have I been enjoying the last 9 years?
Surrounding myself with things I don't need
Like memories of when I was 13 and in love
With the thought of what now disgusts me

I obsessed too much
And then a bit more
About how I'll impress
Every girl I adored

But I latched on too tight
And ****** up my life

Why didn't anyone teach me
How to chill the **** out?
Instead of wanting and not telling
What the hell was that about?
I expected her to read my mind
And not waste 5 years of my life

I said in the beginning
That I would stay neutral
Lose my voice
My mind
My heart
So no one would hate me
So I wouldn't make mistakes

But I make mistakes every day
And I know at least someone out there hates me

My body is punishing me
For the change in weather
Just like what my mind did
The months after we were together

I rebuilt myself with help
From nothing and everything
But my heart still beats for you
And trust me, it's terrifying

Frustration from this hopeless love
Can never be fully diminished
If there was a blue flame, it's red now
Against everything I've wished

Although I crave a companion
To embark on this treacherous journey
I'll always have your ghost near
So why bother trying to be happy?

I don't need it
I don't ******* need it
Strip the flesh from my bones
Maybe then I can bleed it

The torment from past decisions
Letting emotions become my demons
Hiding within myself the only key
To accepting that I'm just a person

I can bleed all of it out
So people know what I'm talking about
When I tell them I understand
That I'm in that same pit of doubt

A moment I did not attend
A loss I still can't comprehend
A lifestyle I unknowingly defend
But always will up until the end

Sons always protect their mothers
And this one is just like any other
If I am a reincarnation of another
I will strive to be like her brother

By being there when others are not
Bringing back hope when it was left to rot
Showing you can still love after having fought
For something that should have never been a thought

When she needs to rant about school
Describe how her new quilt is "so freaking cool"
Worry her outlets aren't proper fuel
To a fire that consumed every other tool

I will be there to remind her, above all
That it's perfectly normal

My eyes are imaginative
At least the ones in my head
They don't look for anyone else but you
Even the back of my eyelids
Still paint your face with ease
The songs I associated with you
Only use teamwork and build lies to my heart
You see
My emotions are horses
Galloping, grazing, and resting with joy
But always alert to danger
Wait
My emotions are never alert
They fall for girls with pretty eyes
Soft voices
Gentle frames
Touches so hot they melt my skin and soul
But my mind keeps the center cold
For when you come back into my life
So it lies to my heart
"They will only break you down"
"They hide their fangs well"
Whipping it back into submission
I want to gallop
To sing and dance
To love again
**** my paranoid and delusional mind