This keyboard has never felt more like home
When it bridges the 500 miles between us
I use to be so confident behind my vocabulary
But now these notebooks are all gathering dust

Repetition is my only skill now
But it's the only thing you're used to
I want to show you the secrets I hide
But I guess I don't know them too

I don't care if the time of year is coincidental
To the way I'm trying to change who I am
I still have to fulfill the promise I made
To improve this ******* I built with these two hands

I'm done questioning myself and my motives
They're what brought me to this point in time
The world's going to need a new pair of pants
After my body's clock has it's last chime

Lost friends and family scar me
Destroying walls and replacing them
Dwelling on the past is unhealthy
But so is picking up this ******* pen

So many lives are better
Because of my presence
The mistress I desire, I cannot get her
Fearful of the thought of my absence

My shoulders strain with the weight
Of the lives I vowed to care for
Happiness always seems to dissipate
When loved ones are left behind locked doors

My life needs to be my priority
My emotions in front of my needs
So no one tries to show me pity
And I'm not left to cry and plead

Appreciation and love is all I can give
I will hold you dear and not change
Our closeness in this old life I live
No matter the distance or vocal range

Clouds gather and darken
Stretching out over the open water
Full of broken souls and shattered dreams
Without someone to warn them

The wind howls and gains strength
Curling the waves into tsunamis
Sand littered with shards of seashells
Amplify the storm's growing wavelengths

Water licks at your toes and you shiver
Your face sullen with doubts and regrets
The rain pulls you closer to the edge
Screaming out the happiness you couldn't deliver

Before you let the tempest take you
I grab your wrist and part the clouds
The sun shows faintly, inviting peace and serenity
Your eyes dilate but transfix on the view

"I can show you a world where you can be free"
I tell you while I guide you towards the grass
"Let me shield you from this madness, and I swear
I'll fight my whole life for you to be happy"

The rain stops, the wind dies
Flowers bloom and sweeten the air
Our world can be like this forever
As long as I'm yours, and you're mine

We're laying down the soil
Carefully, before the roots start to grow
And we'll nurture this on that day, and
For the rest of it's life, so

Why do we question each other?
It's healthy but seems reclusive
That we focus on ourselves
And try not to be more intrusive

Maybe that's what's best for us
We can tend to individual leaves
And when we meet back at the stem
We can discuss what's up our sleeves

Let's just try not to distance too far out
To where we pull too much sunlight
This needs to be an equal partnership
So this flower can withstand the night

But, right now, let's focus on the dirt

I'm supposed to write something sad, right?
Something really depressing, but relate able
That's the theme I've been riding on lately
Unless someone else finds that debatable

That's what I thought

Surprisingly, I'm not in that mood
And probably won't be for a long time
So these might get happy and cheesy again
But, don't worry, they'll at least still rhyme

The reason for this shift is quite simple
But the most complex thing I've ever seen
To think this all started with a swipe
And her attention being in my dog more than me

I'll explain more in time, I'll quench that thirst
But I need to enjoy this first

Screams of terror
Slices through the silence
As the free fall
Plays out in sluggish seconds

I need a new upgrade
From this heart inside my torso
One that actually stays put
And doesn't always want to show

I'm falling into the same waters
I worked so hard to escape from
The difference is I can stop this
Change this heart for something numb

The real question is
Why don't I?

I wrote about her
It was always for her

I'm only twenty years old
With one tragedy to claim my own
And I act as though I'm battle-worn
When the real threat was never shown

I've ruined my vision of love
With the memories of our destructive ways
I'm broken and falling under
Slowly trying to replicate our escapades

I never want to feel that passion
If it's towards you, and only you
But I need what we had together
This haze is difficult to see through

I wrote about you
It was always about you
I destroyed my future for a chance
**A ******* chance