Screams of terror
Slices through the silence
As the free fall
Plays out in sluggish seconds

I need a new upgrade
From this heart inside my torso
One that actually stays put
And doesn't always want to show

I'm falling into the same waters
I worked so hard to escape from
The difference is I can stop this
Change this heart for something numb

The real question is
Why don't I?

I wrote about her
It was always for her

I'm only twenty years old
With one tragedy to claim my own
And I act as though I'm battle-worn
When the real threat was never shown

I've ruined my vision of love
With the memories of our destructive ways
I'm broken and falling under
Slowly trying to replicate our escapades

I never want to feel that passion
If it's towards you, and only you
But I need what we had together
This haze is difficult to see through

I wrote about you
It was always about you
I destroyed my future for a chance
**A ******* chance

How did you get in here?
Did you tip the bodyguard?
I can't think of anything else
Getting in was supposed to be hard

I had always thought that
If you came back into my life
I would welcome you with open arms
And forget about my emotional strife

But now that you've casually claimed
My memories like they're a priceless object
I'm left to wonder if bringing you back in
Is something I should just learn to accept

The door was locked and sealed
And the fence filled with barbs
So, how did you get back in?
That was supposed to be hard

Most good things start in the summer
It's the teenager's romantic dream
But, to me
Summer's not all what it's cracked up to be
I'm but a stone's throw away
From what I want most in my world
But, the mood doesn't seem set
And my love has grown bored
I try to entertain it, like I entertain everyone else
I find that
The entertainers can never act serious
You find my poems funny and cheesy
But I'm trying to make them inventive and mysterious
I've grown accustomed to the cold weather
There are too many love birds in the spring
And I hate the warm feelings from the sun
And the loneliness it selfishly brings
I want your warmth, not Helios's
But, only through winter do we need it
I want my breath to exchange with yours
But, only in winter would you see it
If you love summer more than winter
Then I believe I'm at a stalemate
I will learn to love the summer
But, don't expect me to NOT show any hate
For the sun mocks me in the most horrific ways
And that's just in the first phase

Whenever you're around
There doesn't seem to be enough oxygen
Whenever you're around
The happiness I have breaks through from within

The sun supplies the human race with life
But it spews out the recipe for beauty
I guess you must have created that recipe
Because you are five times more than just a cutie

When you're not around
I'm trying to think of clever stanzas
When you're not around
Everyone but me seems like their at a Quanza

The message I'm trying to send
Is seeming really forced and fake
But, that's because all these emotions I feel
Are way more than I can take

When I try to talk to you
I can't find the right words in my head
But, then I think about it later
And I beat myself for all of the stuff left unsaid

I can usually interpret my thoughts
But, you've made them as dysfunctional as Cleverbot

7 a.m.

The familiar sound of singing robots
Wakes me from my mummified state
Postpone instead of dismiss yet again
Did I pick the couch or recliner today?

Stumble into the pitch black bedroom
And fumble around for my uniform
My eyes only adjust when I am finished
So I can perform the morning norm

I love yous and kisses are exchanged
Between multiple people in the house
Before everyone leaves to their jobs
Or tries to remember their sheep count

7 a.m.

The sounds of deep sleep and coughing
Accompanied by the touch of your body
Only become clear after a different alarm
And multiple beings having to go "*****"

You walk back in and start your routine
While I watch with infinite fascination
And as you finish I start mine as well
You starting your annual salutations

So multiple people perform the kisses
And I love yous like any ordinary day
It might be the poet in me but I swear
I would never want it any other way

Let's try to be subtle
About the fuckery that happened here
BECUASE OF COURSE I COULDN'T DO ****
Except be torn apart by fear

It's obvious only he could fix
Whatever the **** was wrong with you
You didn't give me a ******* chance
To try and be ******* concerned too

You are insecure and emotional
I understand and will accept that
But you know I'm insecure myself
And now I feel like I've fallen flat

When I can't do ANYTHING to help
You know I feel so ******* useless
But look at you now, only listening to him
Shoving my feelings aside into a big mess

I need to accept and cater to your emotions
But you need to do the same for me
Or at least start to