My heart-rate is unreadable
But for something I can't describe
This is probably just me being an idiot
Or just something I shouldn't advertise

But it seems like we dance around
The elephant in the ******* room
Just making sure our skin doesn't tear
When it touches under the sun or moon

I just can't ******* tell right now
If this is mutual or just in my head
A mockery of my emotional distress
Or signals that are correctly read

I won't be able to focus on anything
Besides my insides being torn apart
Should I feel bad about these feelings?
This situation demolishes my heart

I'll tell you when you pinched a nerve
Like when we talked that Thursday night
But is it OK if I'm still totally confused?
And only slightly filled with fright?

I crossed your imaginary line
We both knew was there already
Your precision of dismemberment
Always failed to surprise me

People say duct tape fixes everything
But hatred and regret work even better
My world has been built from failures
That come from every single ******* letter

The devastation
You left my heart in
Clouds my perception
Of forgiveness

The next time my eyelids touch
I better not see your face again
I've torn myself too ******* much
From our storm way back when

(This is the point where I lose my focus and just go to sleep)

How should I feel?
What rhyme scheme is it this time?
Is it generic and overused?
Or unexpected and real?

Should it be anger?
Or sadness and regret?
Wait, aren't those the same?
I forget

Should I be happy?
Or too scared to be sappy?

Someone tell me the emotion I should feel today

The thing that made me feel anything left
The day she sent that stupid message
The useless hours spent at the mall
I despise it all

Was it the comparisons to other people?
Or the unjustifiable denial I had?
The solution was inconceivable
At least when I was mad

But now, there is nothing at all
Just all laid out on the wall
Taunting me with every sleepless night
So someone force me to laugh
To cry or show my wrath
So I can feel human and then I just might

Learn my rhyme scheme again

My eyelids should feel like anchors
Ready to sink and aid my attempts to sleep
But they are more like open sails
Guiding me to thoughts I shouldn't keep

You don't need me to cause havoc
On the island you call home
It just gets so lonely out here
On the waves of life, alone

But you've nurtured your shelter
To where you have things figured out
My life never changes, but I insist
It's me who's caused that to come about

I'll make sure to stay in the reefs
Littered around your safe haven
And if my boat gets torn to smithereens
I promise I'll drown before I give in

Because you are my friend
Even if just under certain circumstances
So let's tell silly jokes to everyone
Until the wind pulls us apart by great distances

Momentum is the only thing keeping me
From losing my mind and all that I've worked for
Our memories drag with the weight of worlds
Each reminding me why I regret everything before

But this wheel has picked up too much speed
To stop for useless feelings and unsaid words
So, sorry, but not sorry, about that little detail
And please stop making my emotions seem absurd

I've learned to feed this fire without your help
And I plan on keeping it nice and tall
Your carbon dioxide and water is not needed
And stay away from the fire extinguisher on the wall

Just do what you do best and be happy
Or sad, or angry, I could really care less
I thought I needed you in my life forever
But all you gave me was emptiness

Do me one last favor, please?
Keep not talking to me like I'm a disease

I love every second of it