I had none of these scars
when I was a kid
they're just fragile reminders
of things that I did
places I'd been
places I'll go
cute little coffee shops
and parks in the snow
but also the nightmares
and the fights
and the heartbreak
and sitting alone most nights

I guess you'll never know
if someone is fine
or just trying to
get by

it still makes me sick to my stomach
the thought of you with her tonight
the moonlight touching your pale skin
and your fragile fingers tracing hers
it's only chemicals but no spark or scream or sight
has made me feel like you made me feel
I want to inhale your every breath
and watch every word drop from your tongue
I want to kiss your neck as you sleep
and hold you close as you dream

but instead
all I have
is my heart
not yours
and mine is
s
  i
   n
     k
       i
        n
          g
to the bottom of the sea

i'm glad you're sad
you don't deserve to smile
you don't deserve new life or
the sight of the sun splitting the trees
you don't deserve hugs or kisses
or the gentle touch of a lover
but you deserve hell
you deserve the hell you put me through
i'm glad you're sad