You are not aware the day you caught my eye
You are not aware every time I cry
Do you still remember me?

Now, I feel guilty
Feeling so sorry
Why can't we be?

The first dance seemed to be our last
The song that was playing, still trapped in time
Will I ever have to see you in front of me...

How can I make the song last forever?
How can I make you stay to dance with me forever?

I was torn between seeing and not seeing you today
I was confused of whether or not I’ll be able to brighten up your day

I always have this doubt
I still choose not to scout

Well, you can’t blame me…
My gut tells me that you’re not even true to me.

Hahayaan na lang ba na balewalain ang aking pagsinta?
Hahayaan na lang ba na ako ay tuluyang madapa?
Paulit-ulit mo man akong saktan
Hindi ko pa kaya na ako ay lumisan

Kung ako ay sadyang hindi na mahal
Kung sadyang hindi mo kayang samahan
Sana ay sabihin mo sa akin ng harapan
Upang masaktan man ay mula sa iyo ang katotohanan

Kahit madalas ay ipakita mo ang tunay na nadarama
Kahit madalas ay nararamdaman kong ayaw mo na
Kahit madalas na alam kong napipilitan ka na
Pinipilit kong huwag bumitiw sa iyo, sinta

Hindi ako bibitiw hangga’t hindi mo sabihing tama na
Hindi ako titigil hangga’t hindi mo sabihing ayaw mo na
Kung nais mo ay huwag na ako makita
Sabihin mo lang sinta, ako ay aalis na

It makes me sweat but it gives me chills to the bones
It gives me numbness but with pain
It gives me hope but endless misery
I feel the beauty and serenity
It gives me relief and practicality
Another opportunity to use my brain logically

She saw a post on face book
She remembered why she was messaged
She remembered what she dreamt about twice
She woke up and she was messaged
She woke up and she was called twice
She remembered the face book post last night
She was remembered
Oh, it was just a coincidence.

I feel your thoughts
I hypothesize your feelings
Blood draw lets me understand you
I read your mind
I analyze your whole being

Only…

...That type of I has not existed yet
...that type of you has not happened yet

I was dreaming
The thought was just in my head
my body will never be able to move ahead
The thought was provoking
The tricycle driver was asking
If he should turn or move ahead
As my brain thought of paper stars pouring
A letter to accompany the undying

Everyday is a dying day
How can you not give your best today?
You start to pray, hope and wish
Can you not just do it as you pleased?

Everyday is a dying day
How can you not start to live today?
You start to put, in the shelf, your life
How can you endure to miserably die?

Everyday is a dying day
How come your tasks are all astray?
When all you can do is start to pray
Will it make more sense if you start them today?

Everyday is a dying day
You plan, you write, you visualize and try
Yes! The best thing to do is give your best in every try.
Give your best in every try just before you die.

To the apple of my eye
I hope this feeling will die
A conversation initiated
Dies the moment it is anticipated

2008, I wrote a song for you
2009 onwards, I wrote you numerous poems, too
2012, I asked a photo with you
2015, I asked, “How are you?”

Yesterday, as I was riding the jeepney…
I listened to “Runaway” and it was funny…
I used to hate that song
But not anymore because of you all along

You greeted me on the 25th of December
I posted the song of 311 entitled “Amber”
The conversation I initiated...
...had left even before it started

I greeted you back,
but I will not expect you to answer back
Your reply was just my consolation
For even thinking about you and my admiration

So I heard, you were with someone new
It pinches my heart, if you only knew
I will keep this secret hidden
Liking you seems to be forbidden

Ako ba'y naghihintay sa wala?
Parang kay tagal mo nang nawala
Ganun rin ba ang nadarama mo para sa akin
Ako lang ba ang ganito sa atin?

Sarili ko'y pipigilan
Hindi kita hahayaang malaman ang aking saloobin
Lahat ay gagawin manatiling kaibigan mo
Gagawa ng paraan para makasama mo

Hindi ako aamin
Ayaw mo naman talaga sa akin
Huwag mag-alala, ako'y lalayo na
Pagkatapos ng Linggong ito, ika'y kakalimutan na

Damdamin ay hindi hahayaang lumago
Natatakot na hindi mo naman kayang magseryoso
Ano ang aking magagawa
Hindi naman planado ang aking pagsinta

May mga bago ka bang babaeng kinakausap?
May bago ka bang kinikilala?
May bago ba na maganda, matalino, masayang kausap at kasama?
Anong laban ko eh ayaw mo nga magkwento?

Please know that while I’m writing this...
I remember all the talks we had
I remember all the walks we took
I remember all the meals we ate together
I remember all the movies we watched
I remember all the time we spent together

Please know that while I’m writing this…
I’ll remember all the talks we could have had
I’ll remember all the walks we could have taken
I’ll remember all the meals we could have eaten
I’ll remember all the movies we could have watched
I’ll remember all the times we could have spent together

Please know that while I’m writing this…
I’ll imagine all the talks that you could spend with Asther
I’ll envision all the walks you could take with your new girl, Heather
I’ll visualize all the meals you could eat with Abby
I’ll think about all the movies you could watch with Jenny
I’ll think about all the things you could do with all the girls except me.

Please know that while I’m writing this…
I have difficulty thinking of what have been
I have difficulty accepting what never been
I have difficulty not thinking of what could have been
I have difficulty understanding what you have been
I have difficulty moving forward from the situation I am in.

The taste of coffee is bitter
I don’t know how to put myself back together
It’s getting harder and harder to breathe
I’m falling deeper and deeper underneath

I keep on playing back all the memories I had of you
Slowly figuring out that everything you showed me wasn’t true
Searching for holes and clues that would lead me back to you
I’m drowning, suffocating, all I could think of are my issues

I want to cry but no tears are coming out
I'm trying to be okay when you turned all the lights out
I want to ask you a lot of questions
I strongly hope that I would know all your real intentions

Loving you, I thought, was everything
I started out and ended up with nothing
Giving my heart swiftly was not initially intended
I immediately fell in love with the idea of being wanted

I went against all my principles
Followed my heart and made my brain, as its disciple
I let go of myself, put my guard down
And now, I’ve already flown so high and I can’t back down

I’m sorry for all the bitterness
All I could think of is this sadness
When all I want is happiness
But all I can do is support and cultivate this madness

Wala ba talaga ako halaga sa iyo?
Kahit isang litrato ay wala sa iyong telepono?
Ganun mo ba ako hindi ka-gusto?
Ni hindi mo man lang ako kayang tignan na parang mahal mo?

Hindi kita matanong kung ano ang talagang iyong gusto
Natatakot sa maaaring isagot mo
Tinanong mo ako kung naiinip na ako
Gusto kong sumagot ng “Oo”

Ano ba ang gusto **** maging sagot ko?
Gusto mo bang ako na mismo ang kusang lumayo sa iyo?
Ano kaya ang iyong tugon kung sabihin kong may manliligaw na ako?
Ipaglaban mo kaya ako at ituring sa wakas na sa iyo?

Ayaw ko hanapin pa ang lugar ko sa puso mo?
Ano ba talaga ako sa pagkatao mo?
Nais mo ba akong manatili sa tabi mo?
Manatili hangga’t makahanap ka ng kapalit ko

Sana ay hindi ka na lang umamin
Sana ay nanatili na lang ng katulad ng nagsisimula pa ang sa atin
Nagpapakiramdaman, nagkakamabutihan
Walang aminan, nagtataguan

Ngayon ako ay nahihiya
Bakit ganun ang inasal ko sa aking pagsinta
Naging hindi totoong ako
Ninais na maging lahat na iyong gusto

Paano nga ba tayo magtatapos?
Tayo pa ba ay may simula sa pagtatapos?
Ako lamang ba ang sumisinta ng labis?
Ako lamang ba ang nag-iisip ng ganitong labis?

Sabi ng utak ko ay huwag na umasa
Huwag nang maghangad, tama na sa parusa
Kung gumagana man ang puso
Ang sabi nito ay sundin ang bugso

Maari naman natin ayusin
Sabihin mo lang sa akin ang iyong naisin
Ano ba ang gagawin upang maitama ang mali?
Ano ba ang gagawin upang maging pag-aari mo muli?

Ganito talaga ang aking pag-ibig
Laging sawi, laging nagsusumamo
Pag-ibig na hindi lagi masuklian
Hindi mahalaga sa kahit na sino man

Your kind of leaving me is different
We are still the same yet I know it’s different
Am I just thinking too much?
Is it just me who’s thinking too much?

You make me go back to all the songs I listened to before
You make me go back to how we started from before
But I just can’t let that happen
I do not know how to not notice you anymore

Every time I see your name
I wonder how you can be so lame
I wonder if you’re still the same
I wonder if there’s a chance for you to feel the same

I asked you last night
If you still like me
You said that you really like me
You asked if there’s already someone courting me

Would you give me away if I say, “Yes”
Would you fight for me if I say, “Yes”
Would you make me yours, again, if I say, “Yes”
I did not dare to say, “Yes”

Been listening to “Northern Lad”
You were someone that I really never had
Been up most of the night
Thinking how I could be alright

Been trying my best to maintain a straight face
That everything will just fall into place
Been trying my best to recover from the strain
Pretending not to wait for you in vain

and so another morning came
and absence is what you’ve become
When a simple message is what I yearn for
You left me just like the other boys from before

If you could only see how my eyes turn glassy
If you could only feel how my heart wants to turn icy
I wish I could go back to where I was before
When your existence is nothing but an unnoticeable spore

I could not feel your love when you looked at me
I could not feel in your touch that you missed me
All I could feel was your curiosity
Just like how my curiosity, at that time, killed my reality

“I don’t hold on to the tail of your kite”
says the other Tori song I sang to you last night
Reminding you to not worry because I won’t hold on to you
...but why did I just check my clock at 12:52?

It started off pretty well
Now, I know all too well
How my feeling is unwell
It will not be as deep as a well

“I love you” is you always say
“I miss you” is all you ever mean to say
You never mean any of it
You just play for the fun of it

What part of me do you like?
I sometimes wonder?
Is it what I can give that she can’t?
Is it that you can play with me and I can’t?

I bet, you’ll listen to the songs I recommended to you
I bet, my recordings will be on your playlist, too
I bet, you’ll check all the unread emails that I sent you
I bet, you’ll regret deleting the photos I sent you

Let me tell you,
When I finally decided to leave and forget you
I bet, you’ll remember all the things I just told you that I bet you’ll do
For when I’m already gone, those are what you’ll surely do.

arms tight
it feels so right
your kisses so sweet
The lips want to meet

hands interlocked
the heart finally is docked
laughters are synchronized
talks are harmonized

This is what I want to do
With you, this is what I want to do
Only, you, do it with her
As I watch you do it with her