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PairedCastle Sep 2016
The taste of coffee is bitter
I don’t know how to put myself back together
It’s getting harder and harder to breathe
I’m falling deeper and deeper underneath

I keep on playing back all the memories I had of you
Slowly figuring out that everything you showed me wasn’t true
Searching for holes and clues that would lead me back to you
I’m drowning, suffocating, all I could think of are my issues

I want to cry but no tears are coming out
I'm trying to be okay when you turned all the lights out
I want to ask you a lot of questions
I strongly hope that I would know all your real intentions

Loving you, I thought, was everything
I started out and ended up with nothing
Giving my heart swiftly was not initially intended
I immediately fell in love with the idea of being wanted

I went against all my principles
Followed my heart and made my brain, as its disciple
I let go of myself, put my guard down
And now, I’ve already flown so high and I can’t back down

I’m sorry for all the bitterness
All I could think of is this sadness
When all I want is happiness
But all I can do is support and cultivate this madness
September 15, 2016
PairedCastle Sep 2016
Wala ba talaga ako halaga sa iyo?
Kahit isang litrato ay wala sa iyong telepono?
Ganun mo ba ako hindi ka-gusto?
Ni hindi mo man lang ako kayang tignan na parang mahal mo?

Hindi kita matanong kung ano ang talagang iyong gusto
Natatakot sa maaaring isagot mo
Tinanong mo ako kung naiinip na ako
Gusto kong sumagot ng “Oo”

Ano ba ang gusto **** maging sagot ko?
Gusto mo bang ako na mismo ang kusang lumayo sa iyo?
Ano kaya ang iyong tugon kung sabihin kong may manliligaw na ako?
Ipaglaban mo kaya ako at ituring sa wakas na sa iyo?

Ayaw ko hanapin pa ang lugar ko sa puso mo?
Ano ba talaga ako sa pagkatao mo?
Nais mo ba akong manatili sa tabi mo?
Manatili hangga’t makahanap ka ng kapalit ko

Sana ay hindi ka na lang umamin
Sana ay nanatili na lang ng katulad ng nagsisimula pa ang sa atin
Nagpapakiramdaman, nagkakamabutihan
Walang aminan, nagtataguan

Ngayon ako ay nahihiya
Bakit ganun ang inasal ko sa aking pagsinta
Naging hindi totoong ako
Ninais na maging lahat na iyong gusto

Paano nga ba tayo magtatapos?
Tayo pa ba ay may simula sa pagtatapos?
Ako lamang ba ang sumisinta ng labis?
Ako lamang ba ang nag-iisip ng ganitong labis?

Sabi ng utak ko ay huwag na umasa
Huwag nang maghangad, tama na sa parusa
Kung gumagana man ang puso
Ang sabi nito ay sundin ang bugso

Maari naman natin ayusin
Sabihin mo lang sa akin ang iyong naisin
Ano ba ang gagawin upang maitama ang mali?
Ano ba ang gagawin upang maging pag-aari mo muli?

Ganito talaga ang aking pag-ibig
Laging sawi, laging nagsusumamo
Pag-ibig na hindi lagi masuklian
Hindi mahalaga sa kahit na sino man
August 14, 2016
21:00
PairedCastle Sep 2016
Your kind of leaving me is different
We are still the same yet I know it’s different
Am I just thinking too much?
Is it just me who’s thinking too much?

You make me go back to all the songs I listened to before
You make me go back to how we started from before
But I just can’t let that happen
I do not know how to not notice you anymore

Every time I see your name
I wonder how you can be so lame
I wonder if you’re still the same
I wonder if there’s a chance for you to feel the same

I asked you last night
If you still like me
You said that you really like me
You asked if there’s already someone courting me

Would you give me away if I say, “Yes”
Would you fight for me if I say, “Yes”
Would you make me yours, again, if I say, “Yes”
I did not dare to say, “Yes”
August 11, 2013
21:00
PairedCastle Sep 2016
Been listening to “Northern Lad”
You were someone that I really never had
Been up most of the night
Thinking how I could be alright

Been trying my best to maintain a straight face
That everything will just fall into place
Been trying my best to recover from the strain
Pretending not to wait for you in vain

and so another morning came
and absence is what you’ve become
When a simple message is what I yearn for
You left me just like the other boys from before

If you could only see how my eyes turn glassy
If you could only feel how my heart wants to turn icy
I wish I could go back to where I was before
When your existence is nothing but an unnoticeable spore

I could not feel your love when you looked at me
I could not feel in your touch that you missed me
All I could feel was your curiosity
Just like how my curiosity, at that time, killed my reality

“I don’t hold on to the tail of your kite”
says the other Tori song I sang to you last night
Reminding you to not worry because I won’t hold on to you
...but why did I just check my clock at 12:52?
December 8, 2015
10:40AM
PairedCastle Sep 2016
It started off pretty well
Now, I know all too well
How my feeling is unwell
It will not be as deep as a well

“I love you” is you always say
“I miss you” is all you ever mean to say
You never mean any of it
You just play for the fun of it

What part of me do you like?
I sometimes wonder?
Is it what I can give that she can’t?
Is it that you can play with me and I can’t?
December 4, 2015
11:22
PairedCastle Sep 2016
I bet, you’ll listen to the songs I recommended to you
I bet, my recordings will be on your playlist, too
I bet, you’ll check all the unread emails that I sent you
I bet, you’ll regret deleting the photos I sent you

Let me tell you,
When I finally decided to leave and forget you
I bet, you’ll remember all the things I just told you that I bet you’ll do
For when I’m already gone, those are what you’ll surely do.
November 26, 2015
PairedCastle Sep 2016
arms tight
it feels so right
your kisses so sweet
The lips want to meet

hands interlocked
the heart finally is docked
laughters are synchronized
talks are harmonized

This is what I want to do
With you, this is what I want to do
Only, you, do it with her
As I watch you do it with her
November 21, 2015
21:03

— The End —