I gasp for air
Only to be drowned in pangs of uncontrollable sorrow
I am alienated by my loss

I am not like them
I feel everything
Yet nothing

all at once.

I love your lips
They're just so kissable

Just kiss me already

The more I look
The less I see

*******.

You think you know me?
You think you know what I'm here to inevitably accomplish?
You think I know who you are?

I don't know you
You don't know me

You are merely a concept people have derived from the crevices of their mind to justify their unhappy lives
They never fought for what they wanted
They succumbed to the ideology that one day everything will turn out fine

What if it's not fine?!
What then
Will I say it was my destiny to be unhappy?
Will I say it was my destiny to choose the wrong ending for my life and achieve nothing?

You're so **** obscure
I can't see through you the way you see through me
I can see through anyone and anything
but somehow you are still a mystery

Why do you determine my value?
How dare you dictate what I'm meant to be
How ******* dare you look down on me and not help me.
Where are your famous notions of "spiritual guidance"?

You are supposed to represent everything I will achieve
Yet you keep it a secret?!
Why are you so **** selfish
You watch me face this pain
You watch as I dive into the bowels of uncertainty
Silently, all-seeing
Not one word do you unearth from the corrosive housing of your trap

Do you really know what I'm going to do more than I do?
Maybe that's why you irk me to no end

I envy you
I envy your ability to know more of me than I know of myself
I envy your certainty
I envy your detachment
I envy your logic
I envy
you

How dare you remain silent in my most tumultuous times
How dare you hold back

I will fight for what I want
Even if I don't know what that is
I'm not going to use you as a crutch
I'm not like those who succumb to the tides of nonexistence
I exist and I have a choice
You can not take that from me

But you know what the funny part is?
No matter what I do
What I decide in the here and now

Inevitably it will all be you.

I don't know how I'm supposed to heal
If I keep drowning in you
How am I supposed to act like you don't exist

What an inticing reality
One where I haven't suffered
One where I haven't felt pain

I have endured so much
And it's supposed to make me stronger

Why do I feel weaker?

Why do we allow others to ruin things for us?

We have the ability to shut out the noise

Instead we invite it onto our home
Sit it at our dining room table
And pick their brain over dinner
Subjects like violence and hypocrisy enter our home onesidely

Maybe we agree
Maybe we don't
That is society

Because we allow it to be

I finally feel like I can come from a place of healing when I speak to you

I took time
Isolated myself from everything
And everyone

I needed to find me again
I needed to know myself
Not this figment of who the world was trying to make me through the expectations of society

I'm not blaming
I'm cleansing
I'm choosing light over darkness

I was choosing the wrong life for myself for too long

I put myself in a cage

When I had the key all along

As the world stands still
You notice some things

They may be about yourself
Or others
Hell, maybe even society

Everything wants to be seen
The trees beg for your gaze
The wind craves your acknowledgment
The sun desires your company

We become emaciated to the routine and struggle of success
And getting to where we think we want to be

To the point where we lose ourselves in where we are
We don't step out and question

We don't question
This will be
The downfall of humanity

I thought I was done crying about you

Who are you?

The questions we ask others
We don't even know how to answer

The observations we make
We don't understand how to process

The drive we see in others
We don't pierce through their walls
We don't go deeper than their facade

We don't go deeper.
We don't make an effort to connect, rediscover and challenge ourselves

Why?
Because we don't know who we are

Why?
Because we don't take the first step in learning that is understanding

Because we don't try

I am trapped in the prison of your expectations

I can not be me because I am the me you want me to be

And I can see how that's confusing,  for I'm still attempting to wrap my head around the whirlwinds that is your perception of me.

I don't want to be drowned out by you. I just want to be me. But what if I'm not the me you want me to be?

Am I still even myself? Will I still have you? Will you still look at me with those eyes when you realise the me that I was all along never was that girl you first met at that party?

I'm broken,  I'm destruction, I'm fire,  I'm pain,  I'm tragic,  I'm corrosive,  I'm hurt,  I'm

Me

So I ask again,  are you sure you know who I am, or just who I am to you?