Childhood**
What was it?
At first glance
It may be an innocent depiction
Of playing in the streets
Until way past dusk

Running anywhere and everywhere
Scraped knees
Bicycle races
Talent shows
Swimming pools

Is that my childhood?
Perhaps
But that is not what I remember.

I recall
Being violated
Humiliated
Shamed into eating less than the other kids
Or eating nothing at all.

Being told I'm fat
Being bullied at school and at home
Holding onto secrets
That literally made me sick
With headaches and stomaches.
I was predisposed to extreme stress
And all of it's physical symptoms.

All of that innocence
Was taken from my ***** little fingers
I was forced to take accountability
For things that were done to me

I learned about things
That no child should know
And yet
They wonder why I blame myself?
I guess these are just the perks
Of growing up.

That cynical sense of humor
That sarcastic disposition
Yet, a certain sadness infects
The "I don't give a ****" attitude
Are you reading me yet?
There's something ironic
Something insane
About how someone who is that insecure
Could be so ridiculously vain.

You
   fell
      apart

            right
                in
                   front
                  of
                my
         young
   *eyes

I got a couple dents in the fender
Of my ****** car,
A couple rips in my best pair
Of my cheap jeans.
My scuffed up high tops
Are wearing thin,
Imperfection is my
New best friend.
My favorite t-shirt has
A couple of holes,
And my wallet's thinner than
My shoe's soles.
The scars on my skin
Are bright and white.
Imperfection is my
New best friend.
The streets of my ghetto
Are graffitied and dark,
And the knives in our pockets
Always stay sharp.
Though my best has a couple
Of nicks and cracks.
Imperfection is my
New best friend.

Someone was wearing your cologne today
So many memories in one breath --
I exhale and find myself gasping for you again,
Breath after shallow breath until I am hollow with you.
It was light enough for the wind to carry it
but it made me feel like Atlas under the Earth.

It was nothing but empty hopes
wishes left ungranted.
As night falls,
and the darkness comes for me,
I find myself gasping for you

Clutching crumpled Tootsie Pop wrappers
And cradling torn Four Leaf Clovers.
Wishing you are far away
The more distance I can place between us,
The safer you are.

Wishing I was in your arms
Craving your lullaby, your steady heart beat,
For selfish reasons.
Take my Tootsie Pop wrappers and Four Leaf Clovers.

I am the very last person who deserves a wish.
Take them and know I never wanted to hurt you.
Wish for a thread and needle

Or a plane ticket to Neverland
Just please,

Don't wish for me.

I was
so happy
I felt
brighter
than the sun
but you
couldn't bare
so you put
sunglasses on

ARIES: stay away from cats claws and hours past midnight. good day for purple lips and kissing your mothers cheek

TAURUS: your leg hair will grow and it will feel like beauty. you are lost and will not be found and this will feel like being a child again

GEMINI: clocks will move backwards for you today. when his hand catches in your hair, go home with your shoes clutched to your chest.

CANCER: spiders beckon new hope and your feet will crush the crocuses in your front yard. don’t be late.

LEO: today is a day to listen. listen to silence, listen to noise, listen to sobs, listen to laughter, listen to your heartbeat. hush

VIRGO: itchy scars are a sign of past romance bubbling to the surface. avoid broken windows and crying

LIBRA: you will love your freckles in the mirror and when he says he does not, leave him. good day for hauntings

SCORPIO: you will feel it. bad day for fresh-cut flowers

SAGITTARIUS: two chimes means a secret is about to be revealed. watch for smudged mascara and track marks

CAPRICORN: destruction comes with a price. squeeze her hand extra tight when you leave; she’ll be back eventually.

AQUARIUS: you can not be silenced today; this is not always good. bad day for second hand books

PISCES: read your mail and stay out of the rain. avoid gray eyes and sleeping late

Anything for a friend
Means not only petty favours
Or discounts on coffee.
Kindness, is it really?
At 3am, holding your hair back
Mouth waters, yearning for a taste
Of the promised land, so close.
Kindred matchstick kindle
Almost small enough to slip through the cracks.
"Malady, my lady, I have none."
Only silver strength and iron will.
Killing you with a smoulder, caressing lost lover
As surely as the nuMbing cOld finally maKes you feel anything at all.