Paige

Paige Mar 2015

Lying

Maybe I'm a compulsive liar.
I just lied to my boyfriend
about not being at home already,
because I got off work an hour ago,
and could've come over,
but instead went home.
And then I got caught in my lie,
and talked my way out of it.
And now I feel so guilty,
because I know what he's thinking,
when really I'm just insane.
And I can't say that either because
then he'll wonder what else I've been
hiding.
And if I wasn't actually hiding
something that wouldn't be a problem.
My conscience is too good.
You would think that by now
I wouldn't learned to stop
lying.

Paige Mar 2015

Not easy

I will always feel so
pretentious talking about
this in any form.
But my anxiety really took over
today.
I couldn't focus,
I was hot and cold all day,
I was shakey,
and could not keep my hands
out of my hair.
Today was tough.

Paige Mar 2015

For me

If that wasn't meant for me,
than he had the same experience with
someone else.

I should just delete my Facebook

Paige Mar 2015

Box

I had a conversation that
really opened my eyes to something
I didn't realize I was missing.
Maybe I really can't forget you
because you never told me
to move on.
The type of connection
I had with you wasn't one
that could just be left unanswered.
You never said to go ahead,
and give up.
So maybe that's why I still have
this question locked away in a box
that I don't open, because it's
too dusty.

Do you still want to be with me?

Paige Mar 2015

First kiss

I remember the first time that
we kissed,
because it was done in a way
that made me know
I would be hooked.
It was late afternoon,
the sun was low in the sky,
and it was summer time.
We were both sitting on his leather sofa,
back when it used to face the right
corner, beside the window;
watching Fear and Loathing,
a movie he couldn't believe I hadn't seen.
He asked if I wanted a beer,
and I said yes.
He came back with three,
and said,
"two for me." and smiled.
I sipped at mine,
because I never liked the taste,
but I was happy to be drinking
what he was.
PBR.
After drinking abit and watching
the movie,
he stood up,
took the beer from my hand,
and kissed me.

I couldn't forget about that kiss
for the next few days.
And I guess I still can't.

Paige Mar 2015

While I'm asleep

I look forward to going to
sleep at night,
because that's when you're there.
I can talk to you,
and be with you.
And for, what is probably
only ten minutes of my life,
it feels real and it feels good.
I know it's sad to look forward
to my dreams and live them
as good as real life feels,
but it's the truth.

I guess I just miss you.

Paige Feb 2015

Looking

You could tell me that you're
not the one I'm looking for,

but you'd be wrong.

Although,
I'm sure that now I'm just another
name; that sometimes;
hardly ever, occasionally, comes up
in a conversation.
And you might think for a second
and,

"Ah! Yeah I know who you mean!"

and a memory of the two of us
might light up in your mind,
but then you'll go right back to
remembering all that time you
spent forgetting about me.