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Paige Aug 2014
I feel a bit empty,
because today should be
the day I go back to
school.
Instead I'm sitting
in the parking lot at work,
because I lost my
financial aid.
To be honest,
I don't know what to do
next.
I'm kind of waiting
on the universe to give
me a sign.
Paige Aug 2014
I am my worst
critic.
My writing will
never be good enough
because I can't
write about things
that make me happy.
I will never be beautiful
enough because I am
missing a patch of hair.
Paige Aug 2014
I was all macho
about not caring
anymore..
Until I unexpectedly
saw him today.
It feels like the universe
wanted me to see how
happy he is,
what I missed out on.
I was pulling out of
Speedway to come see
my boyfriend, (who is late)
and there he was,
driving by me in a
truck,
on the passenger side
with his arm out
the window,
and a smile on his face.
He didn't even see me.
I was paralyzed.
The whole way to my
boyfriends I cried
and yelled at no one,
begging for an answer
as to why I just saw the
one person I never wanted
to see again.

I'm just gonna hope
that sometimes things
happen for no reason..
Paige Aug 2014
All that I have left
to say to you
is good riddance.
*******
******* ******* and one more
*******.

I had so much respect
for you that even when we
weren't "friends"
I gave you the chance for
closure,
to tell me how you feel
one last time,
so that you didn't have to
feel this weight until
the day you die.

But you didn't even respond
when I did the same thing.
Or tried to.
So I will have to live
with these unanswered questions
and botched memories
of the boy I used to know.

Because you are not him.
If all I am is **** on the bottom
of your boots,
then join the club
and
walk alone.
Paige Aug 2014
Let me get one thing
straight.
If I was to leave him
it wouldn't be because
we don't have *** enough.
It would be because
I don't deserve to feel the
way i do right now.
I deserve someone who
thinks the sun won't rise
tomorrow if I'm not there,
that everything about me
is beautiful,
the way I pull out my hair,
and say my name.
Someone who can't take their
eyes off me even when I'm just
changing my pants in front of him.
I will not settle for
second best,
when I know what
it's like to be someone's
world.
I don't want money,
or to be taken out
on dates,
I just want someone
who can't see anyone
else when I walk in
the room.

My sunshine understands.

So why can't he?
Paige Aug 2014
I don't think it's
odd to feel unloved
and far from ****
if your boyfriend
who used to want you
all the time,
doesn't even cuddle you
when he comes to bed.
It's like sleeping over
at a friend's house.

He still says
I love you

But sometimes it's hard to tell
Paige Aug 2014
Lately I've been
writing poems
and then forgetting
about them as soon as
I hit the send button.
Usually the words
hang around inside my head
and I obsessive over it,
reading the poem to myself
multiple times
without actually looking at it,
as though I have to remember
or it was never there.

But my writing recently
has felt dry,
and sporadic.

I can't stop pulling
out my hair.
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