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Just when I think
I have mastered numbness
I remember love,
See his receding back,
And I feel again
Should I just close my eyes?
And pretend,
Pretend like everything is okay,
Everything is all right.
Walk past the places,
Forget the faces,
Conversations meant only for T.V. shows.
Burning bridges as I go,
Dust in the wind,
Corner to Corner,
Roads I'll never walk again.
Lies I never doubted,
Truths I cant pretend,
Must I begin again.
I dreamed that I visited an old loved flame.
I couldn't for the life of me remember his name.
He had a turbo shell, I still don't understand that bit.
I curled up there hoping and wishing that our pieces fit.
What a disaster, you screamed at me through an open window,
Nobody can ever go home again, you said, I know.
I guess this means I miss you.
My mother was always good,
At making something from nothing.
She could pull a meal from an empty cupboard,
Like Houdini's greatest trick.

She could find money when we had none,
A present for a birthday party,
Socks mended like new when needed,
A family from a disaster.

When I was older I quickly understood things,
That people make nothing from something.
But its not the same nothing,
That I felt.

Now standing in the kitchen of my home,
I wish I had my mothers Houdini hands.
Because the cupboards are bare,
And the children are so hungry.
No matter how much fire I place in my veins
It will not burn you out
Suspended animation
I am
The second before a kiss
The calm in the storm
The moment of silence
After lightning hits.
My heart beats loudly,
In my frail chest
I float away
Through the wood and under the hill
Seek the man who time can't ****
A silver crown upon his brow
All the fair to him shall bow

Clothed in stars and faerie dreams
A stolen girl shall be his queen
The dance will steal away her fear
A single fruit will seal her here

A tithe of love or tithe of blood
Bind this court within the mud
A king must know just what to do
Strike her hard or strike her true

A dark game no mortal ever spies
Bright and dark the fair court lies
Time runs different here I know
Once inside I'll never go

Home again to my husband fair
Beneath the marble hill I dare
I am clothed in stars and dreams
I will be the bright courts queen.

Dance he sings and dance he calls,
I am down, he never falls.
Here he sings, taste this wine,
Thou shalt be forever mine.

I am lost and I am found,
Here beneath the faerie mound.
I will live or I will drown
Blood will coat my death born mound.

A sacrifice will be my end,
Ill watch the world begin again.
Back upon my hunt for him
I will live a lost writ hymn.
Her whispers are shadows that dance cross your wall,
Her window-glass eyes take in nothing at all.
Her sweet smile deceives while her strong hands they shake,
A shallow personality she doesn't have to fake.

No anger for blinders no joy to relieve,
The sway of her hips leave no need to believe.
A life like a snowflake is all she can take,
Fake make fake.

You let her go now she dances alone,
Her face and her heart have withered to stone.
Addictions her mistress, feelings her need,
Sign scattered memories you payed no head.
So here we stand at a road sign.
A million directions to go,
Some only slightly different from each other,
Some opposite extremes.
Staring down at us are a thousand people,
Each screaming which way to go,
Which way is right?
To your left stand a row of people,
All taking the test too.
Who will still end up with you?
Who will go a completely different way?
You walk it through,
Try to block out the noise,
The confusion of the people screaming your name.
Looking around you notice the other people.
Some are running through the course,
like they know exactly where there are going.
Some have given up.
Others still are walking like you.
You try to stay true to yourself,
Making moral, social and relationship decisions.
You follow the paths and make your choices.
And in the end you stop,
And look around to see who else has made it with you.
Not many,
No one with you,
Only a few around you.
You bow your head and as the first tear falls,
You notice a change in the voices emotion.
You open your eyes to see the disturbance,
And there walks a girl.
Straight across the course,
Paying no attention to any road sign.
She walks up to you and slips her hand in yours.
In your ear she whispers,
"My road sign had only one direction."
Rhythm. Light. Heat.
A stage-play of the gods,
The exhilaration of the show.
Fast paced magic.
Music.
The bass pounds in my ears,
Mixing with the beat of my heart.
Suspense.
A lone flute holds an impossible note,
High above the rest.
A pause.
The stage is set,
The mood is perfect.
Violence.
The sudden rush of notes,
The quickened tempo.
The beat of raw emotions,
The rhythm of our lives.
Adventure.
Testing the bounds,
The tough side of the beat.
Silence.
Music slowly rising,
The sad, deep sound of a cello.
Tearing at the heartstrings,
Every broken heart played before you.
Beauty.
The change of the sound.
The piano playing the sweetest notes,
Of every love song.
The world of sweet surrender.
Romance.
The descending volume of fading passion.
Peace.
The joy of gentle waking.
Smile, at the symphony of your life,
The music of your dreams.
I have walked through free fire and flame.
I shutter to see the world all the same.
Something must change.
I have fought dragons and been damsel's.
I have bowed my head to demons.
Faerie tales finish
&
Theres nothing left for me now.
They say to cut up the road
And not across the street.
But I was always a side to side person.
I liked playing the violin into my skin.
The tragedies outside me,
And the terror inside of me,
Creating symphonies of blood.
Sometimes I can still make out
The highs and lows on the breeze,
Notes playing as I dream.
Today I will love.
And be kicked in the face again.
Today I will cry.
And feel like this will never end.
Today I will have my heart broken.
Like I always seem to do.
Today I will care.
And learn once again why its best not to.
Today I will pretend.
To save what I have left.
Today I will die a little.
To prove I can.
Today, is just another day.
Its not going to save me,
Its not going to be perfect.
Its just going to be another day.
Forgotten, like all the rest.
Home she said, what a bitter word,
A deficient meaning, frequently transferred.
Home is where the heart is, where you reside,
Let me kick you out, no longer inside.
Run little lion man, fast and swift.
Your perception of us may it shift.
Run, run faster.
Or stand up finally, end this disaster.
Please.
Destruction,
Like a wild storm she rages,
Free, unlike us locked up in cages,
We don't even know what her name is.
But to be her,
We would have to give away what we worked for,
And cried for,
And gave away our pride for.
Damnation,
Shes fleet on her feet,
And should you have the chance to meet,
Quick, grab her.
A man jumped today.
A man jumped today off the railroad bridge.
A man jumped today off the railroad bridge,
& we pulled him out.
I am a firefighter, its my job to make situations okay.
I wonder what happens when I'm not okay?
A man jumped today off the railroad bridge
& I hoped it was you at first.
Your father shot himself in the chest.
He kept the birthday card I gave him,
In the drawer of his bedside table.
It broke the family and a piece of me.
My grandfather shot himself and it was terrible,
& I still hoped it was you.
I wonder how much hate you hold.
What does it take to call me worthless?
Last week a dad accidentally ran over his child.
I empathized with how the kid felt
& I wish you loved me sometimes.
*What have you done.
The room is empty as I lay here,
Alone in my own embrace.
Moments ago you held me,
Now we've gone our separate ways.
To get me through the times apart,
With a smile plastered to my face.
I think of your picture in my heart,
The smile that makes my heart race.
I'm thinking of you,
Thinking of me,
Everything we are,
And everything we will be,
Love.
Am I deliciously complicated?
Like a sunsets colours
Or a quiet love affair.

Or

Am I muted softness?
Like a daisy in a vase
Or a small candles light.

Perhaps I am too much
For one woman's body,
And that is why I read.
Living outside the lines

They say silence is golden,
Real women wear heels
You aint really settled down
Without a house and a set of wheels
Now I aint doing too bad
But not good enough it feels.
It just aint real...
My children are golden,
But silence is suspicious.
Who the hell has time for heels
When I have this many dishes.
I rent my house and the cars a loan
But I’m doing alright
Here in my little life
Living outside the lines.
Back to schools a nightmare,
And Im allergic to holidays.
Not sure if its the relatives,
Or the money trickling away.
I used to dye my hair for fun
Now I dye to cover grey
But thats alright,
It’s my life.
I am a women often told
That I am built to hold.
To look at.
To admire.

Someone stop admiring my fire
And ask me my name.
I am the girl who stood amid the wasteland.
Who stood atop broken piles of dreams and faith,
Who screamed loudly "I AM HERE."
I am the girl who nobody really understands.
Who crys for a man-child half way across the country,
Who whispers quietly "I love you most."
I am the girl who fought the biggest monsters.
Who told her father he will never see the kids again,
Who gets kicked out for calling him on his anger.
I am the girl who hates life.
Who has hated everybody for five years running,
Who loved a person who couldn't care.
I am the girl who could never stay awake.
Who wakes up screaming out words at 2 am,
Who cries herself to restless sleep.
I am the girl who follows the old ways.
Who wishes she could cuddle one person,
Who wants nothing more then that.
I am the girl who never gets what she wants
but
I am the girl who will smile anyway.

 *I hope this will work out unbelievably, somehow. Please.
You can't forget dear that the world will keep turning.

From some things you can't run,
Hold it together, and watch it come undone.
The pieces won't fit and you'll run out of glue,
You will lose what makes you you.

So pretend that you know and put on a smile,
Sickle sweet words for this mundane trial.
Who you are matters less then what you portray,
Pick a truth and listen to what it will say.

Love stand yourself up and swear this one will count,
Just more **** to surmount.
Never show them the strings coming undone,
Nobody want's to see a rerun.
What am I here?
Where the hell is the door.
What I want and need to do
They don't connect anymore.
Why must I pick myself
Up off the floor.
I'm getting ****** now.
My jobs to keep the peace.
The peace can ******* fist
Inside its teeth.
It not FREEDOM
When nobodies FREE.
Can nobody see this but me?
And I wondered if I was for a moment.
Then I realized that I know crazy.
Crazy doesn't question itself, its never wrong.
Crazy hides the towels, crazy screams for hours.
Crazy forgets conversations and ignores medical conditions.
Crazy gives its money to its girlfriend before its kids.
She makes more then our whole household
Crazy forgets the important things like promises.
Like groceries for a month or caring about other people.
Crazy wouldn't bow its head to a grandparent for soap.
Crazy wouldn't been seen begging friends for food.
Someone has to feed your daughter
Now next time you call me crazy please remember,
I am not crazy, but my god I've been raised by it.

— The End —