I hate the way you laugh like its all good.
Its not all good, I love you, come home.
Love me too **** it.

A man jumped today.
A man jumped today off the railroad bridge.
A man jumped today off the railroad bridge,
& we pulled him out.
I am a firefighter, its my job to make situations okay.
I wonder what happens when I'm not okay?
A man jumped today off the railroad bridge
& I hoped it was you at first.
Your father shot himself in the chest.
He kept the birthday card I gave him,
In the drawer of his bedside table.
It broke the family and a piece of me.
My grandfather shot himself and it was terrible,
& I still hoped it was you.
I wonder how much hate you hold.
What does it take to call me worthless?
Last week a dad accidentally ran over his child.
I empathized with how the kid felt
& I wish you loved me sometimes.
*What have you done.

I am the girl who stood amid the wasteland.
Who stood atop broken piles of dreams and faith,
Who screamed loudly "I AM HERE."
I am the girl who nobody really understands.
Who crys for a man-child half way across the country,
Who whispers quietly "I love you most."
I am the girl who fought the biggest monsters.
Who told her father he will never see the kids again,
Who gets kicked out for calling him on his anger.
I am the girl who hates life.
Who has hated everybody for five years running,
Who loved a person who couldn't care.
I am the girl who could never stay awake.
Who wakes up screaming out words at 2 am,
Who cries herself to restless sleep.
I am the girl who follows the old ways.
Who wishes she could cuddle one person,
Who wants nothing more then that.
I am the girl who never gets what she wants
but
I am the girl who will smile anyway.

 *I hope this will work out unbelievably, somehow. Please.

There's not a whole lot you can do about time.
It comes and it goes, ebbs and it flows,
And freedom of choice can't save you from consequence.
Like time everything is clear in reflection.
Life gives you tests then you learn the lesson.
If I could change this I would.
I would go back and pick my sisters up from the ashes,
Save them from the fire I didn't mean to start.
I would mend the hearts that I've broken,
And forgive those who couldn't help but break mine.
I would still take the path less traveled,
And learn to avoid the barbed-wire fences.
But mostly I would save you, and her, and them,
So you would all smile again,
Like we did when we were young.

One, two, three, four,
I can't take these words anymore,
And maybe, maybe you were right,
And I can't win this fight,
If I don't know what I'm fighting for.

And you, you called me all the names,
I'm a ***** its a game,
And you ended it before, before it became,
Became what I wanted what I needed
And I'm shamed.
Shamed that I cared,
Shamed that I groveled,
Shamed I was scared.
And I let you walk over me,
Me. The scarred queen bee,
I offered you my heart and gave you the key
And you played me.

And maybe, maybe you were right,
And I can't win this fight,
If I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore.

And they say,
Beer before liquor never sicker,
But I beg to differ,
Because the words that you say nauseate,
And if I could I would recreate
That feeling.
But words, words,
They just don't come out,
Sitting here in silence when I want to shout.
The things that I say get so twisted and abused,
Maybe forgotten is better then used.

And maybe, maybe you were right,
And I can't win this fight,
When I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore.

I gave you my heart
And you tore it apart,
And I know I should have saw it,
Should have stopped it,
Should have dropped it,
But you can't blame a girl for her fantasy.
In a world where they want to throw her down,
down,
face up on the ground,
Broken dreams and beliefs
Lying all around,
And I can't see the stars anymore.

And maybe you were right,
And I can't win this fight,
When I don't know what I'm fighting for.
Not anymore.

I hate that feeling,
When you can't lift the barbell anymore.
Then your brother walks in to the gym,
Looking at me like I'm a foreign species.
But in his eyes I see you looking at me,
Tracing my skin, loving my corners,
And walking away.
Suddenly 12 reps doesn't seem like enough,
And I need to punch something.

My mother was always good,
At making something from nothing.
She could pull a meal from an empty cupboard,
Like Houdini's greatest trick.

She could find money when we had none,
A present for a birthday party,
Socks mended like new when needed,
A family from a disaster.

When I was older I quickly understood things,
That people make nothing from something.
But its not the same nothing,
That I felt.

Now standing in the kitchen of my home,
I wish I had my mothers Houdini hands.
Because the cupboards are bare,
And the children are so hungry.