We lay together, it's a beautiful night
No clouds in the sky, just a full moon

We hold hands and you look up at the stars.
"It's beautiful," I whisper.
"They are, aren't they?" you say, gesturing upwards.
"Oh, you meant the stars? They're pretty ugly compared to what I'm seeing." I reply.
Curious, she turns her head and sees me staring at her.
A smile lights up across her face, and for a moment I am blinded.
Then we kiss, and for some time, I am the happiest person in the world.
_

This happiness was not to last
For when I woke up, she was not in my arms
But she had left a note.
Before I even read it I knew something was wrong
There were tear stains on the letter
And it was written in messy handwriting
I begin to read
And words burn themselves into my skull
"It's better this way" or "nothing will change"
or even "I'm sorry I couldn't love you as much as I hate myself."
And then my world shattered.

Unlike some,
I do not want to be a masterpiece
on an artist's wall
I do not want to be the overplayed
song on the top 10 charts
Don't get me wrong
it's lovely to be the only
flower in a green field

I want to be the used
paintbrush the young artist
quietly learns to keep forever
I want to be the only pencil
the writer takes life notes with
I do not want to be a favorite
book, sitting on the top
of your shelf.

I do not want to be an abandoned
word you left unsaid,
I want to be the analog camera
you use when the world is
flickering in fuzzy city lights

I want to be the poet's
stanzas in prose
I want to be the failed
color shade of mistake
on an artist's art work

I want you to learn that when
the tides roll in,
when the sand dusts oxygen
in thin air.
the shreds of my heart
will curl like burning photographs

I am the napkin you use
when there is no paper
or phone or notebook
to write down every inch
of your feeling.