I watch you eat up all the
Little freshman girl attention
Like the typical frat boy
I thought you weren't

And I finally understand
What it really means
To be disappointed in a person

I hate myself
For seeing the real you
This summer
And believing
You'd be the same
When we came back

I want to say I hate you for it


But I can still feel your arm
Wrapped around me
And I can still hear
The way your breathing picked up
As my fingertips traced circles
On the back of your hand
As you pulled me closer
On the last night I was home
       the last night of the summer
       and probably what will be our last night

I've never fallen in love
And I guess that means I've never fallen out of love either

And I guess I'm just trying to figure out at what point you realize you don't actually love their laugh or the dimple that accompanies it on their left cheek
Or when does their groggy morning voice become repulsive instead of adorable
And when do you notice that instead of butterflies you have withering wings wilting away in your stomach

I'm just trying to figure out when you decide that everything you ever wanted and everything you ever imagined for your future becomes something you just leave behind

I like scars.

And not in the way like
I like to self injure
Or enjoy the feeling of pain

I just like having
An etched out
String of memories
On this canvas
Of a body
The canvas I can't
Take with me
When the ride is over

Might as well
Give it a good story to tell