Checking up on you
And making sure you're
Doing alright has made
It's way to the the
Top of my priorities

And it's not just you,
It's everyone
Are you alright without her
Did he call you back
Have your parents worked it out
Maybe the job offer will call tomorrow

And yet.
I haven't made my way
To the top of
anyone else's list

Driving myself into the ground
To make sure everyone else
Is satisfied, and still not once
Has someone stopped
To ask if I'd like a shovel
To dig myself out of
Everyone else's mess
That's layered itself
On top of my own

So I'll pour myself
Another glass of wine
(At least it realizes
I need a break from this decay)
And wait for the day
You ask if I'm doing okay

today a dark cloud
hung over your head;
I could see it written
all over your face

instantly my skies turned grey
as your overcast spread
and I wished that my empathy
alone could take it away

but that stubborn cloud
would not leave you,
as my heart ached
for your sunshine

and that terrifies me.
that your sadness
means partly cloudy
for my forecast

i don't want my
mood to mirror
yours, but it's
impossible when the
highlight of my day
is hidden behind
pursed lips and
furrowed eyebrows

I can only pray
for clear skies
tomorrow, my dear
or I, too, shall
dwell in the darkness
with you

Sometimes I feel like
My tongue will just roll
Out of my mouth
Onto the floor,
Exhausted from trying
To put into words
The nonsense in my brain,
And then my entire body
melts into a puddle
A puddle that evaporates
Into minuscule gas particles
that fill the air
And create a vibe,
An understanding,
The aura of my feelings,
So my tongue can
Finally have a break

Today I caught myself

Thinking about you again

And I tried to tell myself I didn't actually like you

It was a long, bitter argument
Of pros and cons
And it ended with:
The only reason I like you
Is because of that
Twinkle in your eye

But then I started to wonder
If that twinkle in your eye
really exists
Do I like you because
you have that twinkle in your eye?
Or do you have that twinkle in your eye
because I like you?

The more I pondered this
The more puzzled I became

So I went through all the pros again
The things I noticed before the twinkle

That ornery half smile
The way I always catch you singing along with the radio
when you think nobody's listening
The pitiful face you have when you're stressed
The butterflies in my stomach when I see you walking my way
Those goofy socks
Your adorable struggles with the coffee machine
Your smiling blue eyes
How I felt an instant connection with you

How could the cons even compare?

But the single item opposed
overpowers this seesaw

the girlfriend.

and every time I accept this realization
you shoot me with that twinkle again
wash.rinse.repeat.