The irony of the doubt
Of the one that came out of my mouth

Is that this head won't make flowers out of words
Or gardens out of stanzas;

That when these hands write or type
None would be so quite the hype,

That words would be just words:
They are, yes, but the irony is that it still hurts;

When I said I can't make more out of a word,
My head sabotaged me, albeit absurd:

I made flowers out of words
But, out of nowhere, it'd hurt me:

For the thorns of the rose I plucked,
From the garden I thrashed, crocked,

To the truth that the one I plucked the rose for
Would do none but to abhor;

Now I cry, knowing,
What the irony of the doubt would sing;

How I'm bound to fool myself with words,
And hurt by them, soon after;

How this heart would endlessly flutter
Over love that is destined to falter.

In the sea I dived in,
I feel so little;
Compared to the other fish,
Grand, and loved:
I stand in a position far from them.
The currents wash me out;
I swim a death wish.
I mistook the ocean for a sea.

I wish you could know how much I regret who I became.
Not because I'm fazed by the good sides; it's for what I want:
I want to belong.
Not a very warm thing to say but, it's what's been missing. I think.
I wish I can drown what I should've.
I wish I can be someone's best friend.
I wish I had someone to openly talk about everything.
I wish I had the heart to say no.
I wish I had courage to tell everything I feel.
Not like this.
I wish I wasn't this ******* weak.
I wish I fought when I wasn't able to.
I wish I can stop hurting myself.
I wish someone was here for me.

And although there may be people like that,
I wish I'd feel they're here.

I wish I can be okay.
But I'm not.
And I've learned I never will be.
But knowing is different from accepting.

Here it is, I'll try to write,
This blocking thought I'll try to fight;
So ****** up yet not of spite,
I'll try, even if I'm scared it won't go right.

How much further
You're really not sure
That you can go on
Alone in the world

Sealing your fate
In this day to day
Business as usual
Keeping your heart locked away

Before you go through
Doing all that you do
Here's a bit of truth
Someone loves you

There's no reason at all
To give up on hope
The one that loves you
Might not yet know

And like you they
Feel the same way
Waiting for you
To make their day

To tell the truth
What you're going through
You'll both get the news
That someone loves you

It's been a while since I had to write;
Words that may be lies; words that may be right;
It's been a while since I let it out,
Emotions not of joy and not of spite.

—