Limericks VII - Naughty, Bawdy, Risque, Absurd

Limericks VII - Naughty, Bawdy, Risque, Absurd There continue to be modern sequels of the famous "Nantucket" limericks, including this bawdy one of mine: There was a lewd whore from Nantucket who intended to pee in a bucket; but being a man she missed the damn can and her rattled john fled, crying: "Fuck it!" —Variation on a classic limerick by Michael R. Burch Here's another take on a golden oldie: There was an old man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He awoke one dark night from a terrible fright to discover his dream had come true! —Variation on a classic limerick by Michael R. Burch Here are some lewd, crude originals: There once was a multi-pierced Bull, who found playing hoops far too dull, so he dated Madonna but observed, “I don’t wanna get married . . . the things she might pull!” —Michael R. Burch There once was a forward named Rodman who said to his best man—“No problem! When I marry Electra, if the ring costs extra, just yank a loop right off my knob, man!” —Michael R. Burch A formidable pugilist, Mike, in a fit of pique called his mom “Dyke.” She frowned ear to ear, then said, “You listen here, I can still whip your butt, you dumb tyke!” —Michael R. Burch A cross-dressing dancer, “Dee Lite,” wore gowns luciferously bright till he washed them one day the old-fashioned way ... in bleach. Now he’s “Sister Off-White.” —Michael R. Burch There once was a bubbly bartender, a transvestite who went on a bender. “So I cut myself off,” she cried with a sob, “There’s the evidence, there in the blender!” —Michael R. Burch Our president’s sex life—atrocious. Asian markets are all hocus-pocus. Politics—a shell game. My brief moment of fame— flashed by before Oprah could notice. —Michael R. Burch Bill Clinton's a man we admire; his opinion polls soar ever higher. He gets much more flack for a Big Mac attack than for his sexual high-wire. —Michael R. Burch There is a new term, “Clintonian,” which means, “Stop your naggin’ and moanin’. He’s only a man doing all that he can to put kneepads in the Smithsonian.!” —Michael R. Burch Low-T Hell by Michael R. Burch I’m living in low-T hell ... My get-up has gone: Farewell! I need to write checks if I want to have sex, and my love life depends on a gel! Grave Offense I Is Ogden Nash gnashing his teeth, upside-down in his grave, full of grief that the term “limerick” has been plagiarized? Quick— dial 9-1-1; get the police! —Michael R. Burch Grave Offense II Is Ogden Nash gnashing his teeth, upside-down in his grave, full of grief that his wit and his art share this name I impart to my “limerick?” Am I a thief? —Michael R. Burch Ghostbusters! Is Ogden Nash gnashing his teeth? Is his ghost rolling ’round in wild grief that the Post would make crimes of his “imperfect” rhymes? Call Ripley’s—it stretches belief! —Michael R. Burch NOTE: The Washington Post in all its great wisdom would ban Ogden Nash’s imperfect rhymes from its limerick contests! Keywords/Tags: limerick, nonsense, light, humor, humorous, sex, naughty, risque, lewd, bawdy, vulgar

Request permission to use this poem

Explore

Hello PoetryVoting

Write