I Have Been Issued A Body And I Have Several Complaints

I Have Been Issued A Body And I Have Several Complaints I have been issued a body and she is a catastrophe in the most gorgeous sense of that word she runs hot she runs loud she runs into furniture in the dark and then stands there in the dark holding her shin saying okay okay okay like she can bargain with the coffee table like the coffee table has a complaints department like anything in this life has a complaints department I have looked there isn’t one nobody told me it would feel like this I don’t think I am handling this well I have filed the forms in my spleen which is already backed up which is operating at significant capacity which is mostly just a filing cabinet for feelings that arrived without return addresses and I did not know where else to put them. My nervous system is a telephone switchboard operated by a very small woman who has been awake since 1997 and is doing her absolute best but cannot stop routing everything through the grief department the grief department which is just a room with a window and no curtains and the light comes in at every angle all the time and the woman in there has stopped asking for curtains I don’t think this is fixable I have a ribcage that keeps the receipts for every time I said I am fine, I am good, I am doing really well actually and the receipts are very long and the font is very small and they curl off the counter like ticker tape at a parade for something nobody was supposed to survive I have a mouth that opens to say one thing and produces an entirely different thing at a volume that surprises everyone including me and I am always in there somewhere trying to say the right thing at the right time with the right face on but the mouth has its own agenda the mouth is a union worker the mouth has filed its own grievances the mouth went to a meeting and decided independently to say the truest thing at the absolute worst moment and then just stand there glowing proud of itself absolutely ruinous completely correct. My kneecaps are the most optimistic part of me they keep proposing that we kneel for things that do not deserve a kneeling they keep bending toward every beautiful disaster like a plant toward bad weather like they think the bad weather is the sun like they were not there the last time like they never got the memo that we are not doing that anymore we are not kneeling we are standing upright feet flat chin up both eyes open except sometimes in October when the light does that thing it does in October and the kneecaps get involved again before I can stop them and I am down there in the gold of it in the specific ache of it holding my own ribcage like a thing I caught and cannot keep and cannot put down. And it is embarrassing and it is involuntary and it is mine whether or not I agree to it the whole disastrous receipts-in-the-spleen mouth-with-an-agenda optimistic-kneecap thin-skinned loud-voiced hot-running coffee-table-finding mine.

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Kiernan515

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