To my dear father
“To My Father”
I will always hate you for the childhood I was meant to have but never did.
And the cruelest part?
No matter what, I will always be your child.
I carry you in my body,
your eyes, your hands, your feet, pieces of your face.
People who know you don’t need introductions;
they see me and trace me back to you.
I blame you for being absent,
for making yourself unavailable to me and my mother.
I will never pity how your life ended.
I will always place others above you.
Truthfully, all I ever wanted was your voice.
Just one “hello”.
One “how are you?”
Nothing more.
I wanted a hug.
I wanted you to ask me how I was doing.
I never needed your money.
Your voice was always enough.
And yet
despite everything,
I still pray that one day you will call.
Just once.
And tell me you’re sorry.
Sorry for making life hit me so hard, so early.
Sorry for forcing me to grow up before I understood right from wrong.
Sorry for stealing the ease children my age were allowed to have.
Sorry for not being the father I could bring my achievements to.
For making me work harder than I should have had to.
For denying me the security every child deserves.
And do you know why I hate you most?
Because childhood cannot be relived.
I will always hate you.
And I will always believe in karma.
When it comes for what you did to my mother
and the other women you hurt,
I pray you reap everything you sowed.
And I pray
above all
that my siblings and i are never made part of your punishment. Because we are innocent.