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im sorry

by fallingagain

I was floating in honey. The viscosity of the substance Made it so that, while I still needed to work To keep my head afloat, I had a little extra support. So I didn't have to do it alone. And it was good. But my temperature began to rise. I became too hot too fast, and, Because of my actions I started to destroy the beneficial parts That the honey needed to remain useful and healthy. So the honey reacted: Threw my melting self out of its jar. I tried to jump back in But the honey firmly screwed its lid back on, And my charring fists Fruitlessly pounded on the boundary The honey had erected. Then as my body and brain burned, The other honey jars disappeared- Distancing in acts of self-preservation. I knew how I could get my temperature Back to baseline. I just needed a little help So I could work to get back to my normal self. But my actions had pushed away what I needed. So I accepted the fate I had caused, And allowed my body to fall to ash.
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Written by
fallingagain
23 / F
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Written by
fallingagain
23 / F
Published
Nov 20, 2023
Lines·Words
31·186
Notes

i wrote this after my therapist of 8ish years dropped me after two years of long-term residential pysch places just when i was ready to drop back down to the level of care she provided. that was 2 years ago, and although i've since learned that her remaining with me for so long was unethical, it still hurts and i still blame myself.

Tags
#bpd#therapy#therapist#regret#abandonment#hurt#suicide#borderline
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