If I think too hard
I can still feel their hands on my body
Four of them rubbing and squeezing and grabbing my skin
Desperate for my oblivious being.
If I think too hard
I can still feel the scratch of his stubble
As his skin rubs mine
And the other caresses me
Taking away my control.
If I think too hard
The world still spins
I can hear the moaning
And the distant sounds of nature
Outside of our tent, but so far away from my reality.
If I think too hard
I can hear their comments of praise
To each other
As I lay there blind drunk
And they do with me what they please
If I think too hard
I try desperately to shield the memory,
The three of us entangled
And together,
A trio of drunken disgrace.
If I think too hard
I cringe and cry
And my legs clamp shut
Disgusted at my stolen consciousness
And forever violated by my memory.
If I think too hard
I hate myself for what happened
I hate him for being drunk
And I hate the other for being selfish,
Breaking my heart and my trust