the curtains in this room are shut
but there is sunlight spilling out from under
and around them
it’s like the world
wants me as much as
I wish I wanted it

the last time we spoke I
forgot to use vowels
and i blamed it on
bad reception,
but it was really just me
your words live
with the dust particles
floating in
negative space -
I breathe you in,
but don’t notice

i decide to keep the curtains closed
at least for today
it’s the only thing i can do
to keep your ghost away

I went home.
Body swore
from you slamming into me.
Gliding my hands
over the cactus,
******
become another face
that forgot.
Summer melted away while
friendships froze,
just as they said.
Sticky fingers
placing prints on new skin.
Everything diseased.
Crossed legs;
bottle of whiskey,
face dripping
with battle wounds
from a war like storm.
We should have broken the mirrors.

Stand in the street.
Four hours of Wednesday
marking me with gray bags
on my not so innocent teenage face
and tears painted across my forearms.
A canvas.

Letting candle wax
burn my crooked skin,
cigarettes are sewn together
one by one.  

Sloppy handshakes,
cold coffee.

It's covered my toes now.

A piece of art
is never finished
though.

So what am I becoming?

constant waves crash under the surface, the skin, absorbing cynical ballads sung by the echoes of these inhabitants. Relief derives from punishment, self-nourishment, set the stage for these unfortunate events. There has been no consent, no arrangement. my voice has been silenced by the choices I've secured. breathless and brittle i can hear the bones cracking and open doors slamming, this horizon dissolving into a thin gray line. Confined to this cage of regret and regression thrusts underneath my fingernails, leaving bread for bail, opting for a quiet place. My own eyes are lost in these melancholy faces surrounding the destruction like a venue of vultures. My head is so clear, and so transparent. Denying instincts and escape have left this chaos unsettled and evident; naked for prey. Sunken souls longing for destruction. Anticipating a rainy day. Molded my chemistry to fit inside what they want of me, circles in squares, what do we really have but empty packaging. And emptiness has no place of residence. Wildfires stemming from my fingertips as every single substance i caress turns to ash. Blackened. steps that have no depth. Roads that have no end. I am spiraling on an axis that does not tilt the right way and my hair is blowing in the wind. Goosebumps raising on my skin. I am alive. I am distant. I am left behind. In the wrong frame of mind. Unrestrained. A dose to withdrawal with a shot of champagne. Ten seconds, i'm falling into intersecting highways. Blankness. Resurrecting a flicker, caught beneath dark circles sheltering my iris. An accomplice in the wounded charade, a collapsing lung makes no sound in this crowded space. Abandoning idolized conclusions raising passions like battered children, from broken gates we let the truth escape and the oxygen conformed with it. Counterfeit. Dreams, although sleepless haunt every breath inhaled leaving malignant now speechless. Disease in every bite we eat. I leave it upon the ones who envision cloudless. My sight has mislead me, which has brought me to this wreckage. Dependence in noxious fumes gripping on to this disaster. Was it really the truth we were after. After the truth we wrote new rules, confused for apparent reasons. Our time is evolving and deteriorating with the seasons.

I take everything to heart.
That half hearted hug hangs loose on my hips.
I've been wondering around this forest with cement blocks tied to my feet
that I am simply too lazy to untie,
and I'm scared.

Every word spoken questions all i've done,
and what I'm doing.

I've fallen in love with too many people, and in that mess,
I have shattered my own heart,
and refuse to let it heal.

I can't write as beautifully as her,
but that doesn't make my words any less sincere.

In a way,
you've almost become another one of my medications,
and I hate being dependent on anything
or anyone.

I really wish that you would stop playing with me.
Although a year form now,
none of this will matter.

papers clenched tight
with tears streaming down
a dirt covered face,
I wonder what  i've done this time.

Long car rides,
as such,
leave us to nothing but our thoughts;
wondering why the hell you would try and kiss me,
as your "lover" stood close.

like death,
She picks away at everyone and everything until they crumble
in her hands so that she can casually toss them to the side.
Going the extra mile,
making you want to turn inside out,
until she has her way.

One month ago you loved me,
and I wish
you were still my best friend.

Don't look at me like that.
Don't look at me at all,
In fact.
For petty wishes fall down.
Into water that I stand in,
all around.
My shoes are wet and torn.
My feet cold and numb,
so forlorn.
While I stand in your gaze.
Cold and hot and ruthless,
It never strays.

And the rain still falls.
My jean jacket soaked,
But standing tall.
I look up with defiant eyes.
And you meet them,
Smiling wide.
The battle still rages on.
I grow more numb,
Standing strong.

You hope to lead me.
By bending my will,
My lifetree.
Yet you don't understand.
See this seed right here,
In my hand?

I will plant a new one.

One to shade me,
from the blazing hot sun.
One to shield me,
from the rain and flood run,
One to deafen me,
when you loose your silver tongue.

One to teach me,
To escape your endless gaze,
and my own scrutiny.