I wish that you had told me the inner pain you felt,
And fully understood the pain that your decision dealt.
You hid your secret deep down inside and unfortunately hid it well,
Nothing seemed to bother you as far as I could tell.
At soccer practice you always had a warmth about your face,
It seemed like to the rest of the team you were in a stable place.
We always went to movies and hung around the mall,
I never thought a confident guy could have self-esteem so small.
Behind your eyes lied a hurt that I can’t comprehend,
So much so that you decided that life was yours to end.
We were supposed to meet at school the day your mother found you dead,
I thought that maybe you got sick so you stayed home instead.
During lunch I texted you but I didn’t get an answer,
I never thought it was because of this self-loathing cancer.
And I still didn’t believe it when I heard, I knew it was a lie;
Some people might kill themselves but you weren’t that guy.
It wasn’t until your funeral that it finally hit me like a brick,
I could still see the bruising around your neck and I wanted to be sick.
It’s like you hit the morale of our town head on with a bus,
You may have ended your internal pain but you pawned it off on us.
The night I left the funeral I cried until I had no tears,
You cut short our memories, of which we had many more years.
School seemed bleak, and life seemed cold in the many weeks that followed,
I couldn’t stop thinking of the depression that you swallowed.
I felt like if I paid more attention I’d notice something wrong,
And see it sitting behind your eyes, humming its sad song.
Wherever your soul now resides, I hope the pains no more,
But know your choice still haunts the residents of this town to the core.
Maybe in another life we’ll be best friends again,
And if you ever relive those awful feelings, you can tell me then.