living without you felt like a nightmare to me.
it was a nightmare that i didn't get to wake up to a mother's love and comfort in the mornings,
or even when i would sleep at night.
but now living with you,
i realize the only nightmare i'll ever live with
is the fact that you blame me for the way your life ended to be like.
but i'd rather carry your burdens,
than have anyone else do.
you are my mother,
and one day,
if not now,
or if not in this lifetime,
i hope you can say that you love me back too.

it hurts worse as i get older.
i used to hold so much patience for you,
and i used to have control over my feelings.
but i've been carrying the pain for so long,
i'm starting to weaken in areas i used to carry strength.
you are my sickness,
the reason why i hurt,
and the reason why i can't breathe.
and i wish and hope so hard,
that you change for your other kids,
since you couldn't do it for me.

all this time
i tried to give you an excuse.
i tried to lie to myself
that you're just hurting too,
and you're trying your best.
i tell others you're a great mother to me,
and how lucky i am to have someone like you.
i mention how strong you are and how you're the strongest person i know.
i lie and i lie and i lie.
so that i don't have to face the reality
that you don't actually love me.
you see me as a stranger and want me out of your home.
you don't believe in me,
and i am no daughter to you.
how cruel a mother can be,
but you were never a mother to me.
i didn't grow up with a mother's love.
and even without a mother figure in my life,
i know **** well i won't be the kind of mother you were to me.
and i'll make sure my children don't grow up second guessing their mother's love,
like how i did with you.