if loving you means hurting like this,
then i hope i never learn to love you again.
you stole my vision of love,
but worst of all - you stole my vulnerability, my heart, and the love i had to offer.
so much of my time wasted, so much of my energy drained.
i should've known we were going to be a story unfinished.
i'm stuck with someone else now,
and the unusual thing is now i'm just like you: unable to love them.
while you remain the person i struggle to forget,
i've become the person who used to hurt me.

i used to be so vulnerable and honest.
but after having so many people take advantage of me,
i no longer recognize myself.
i started lying in hopes it would protect me.
now i can't stop because i'd rather lie than be honest about how isolating it feels to actually be me.
the things i want to say i push to the back of my mind and continue with my life because it hurts less and i think less.
but even then...
i continue to swallow the isolation that fills up every bone in my body.
the things i want to say / i swallow.

i was angry at the whole world because you couldn’t love me.
i couldn’t bare myself to accept the truth,
the truth that i really was just unlovable.
and the worst part: i’m never the one that falls in love first - i just end up being a prisoner in love.
i was angry at the world for continuing to spin while i had to mourn.
why couldn’t the world mourn with me?
how could the world keep spinning when mine had stopped?
but i realized something…
i wasn’t really angry at the world.
i was angry at myself for having so much love for you that all this love had nowhere to go.
where am i to store all this heartache?

i don't think i'll ever stop thinking about you.
i miss when i would be the one you told first the exciting things that's happened to you.
i miss how it felt when you would hold me.
i miss your touch more.
i wonder everyday if you think about me too.
i wonder everyday if you miss me or if you've moved on.
i wonder if the distance between us right now hurts you too.
you are the only one i could ever love.

with every attempt i've tried replacing you with
other men and random people i have no intention of having a relationship with.
but still. i feel empty.
YOU make me feel empty.
the only adrenaline i feel is when i'm thinking of you,
when i'm thinking of when you used to love me and when i used to love you.
there's only one question i'll always carry:
what was it about me that made you fall out of love with me?
i still think of you.

my heart burns when i think about you.
since you've been gone,
sleeping hasn't felt right anymore.
eating hasn't been a priority anymore.
nothing feels the same anymore.
the heartache you've left me with is the only thing filling my wounds.
i want to forget you
but at the same time,
i miss you so much that it hurts.
i wish you had stayed.

my mind is full of memories of you... of us.
anything i do
everything i do
i'm reminded of you.
i'm reminded of what we used to be.
i don't know why i can't forget you.
i don't know why i can't let you go.
i wonder...
do you think of me too?
do you miss me as much as i do you?
or does the absence of me not haunt you at all?