How can I put up with this toxicity?
Where even when I'm near it,
I want to melt away...

it's taking every ounce of strength in my body
not to tell you I love you
not to tell you I hate you
not to ask how you're doing
or get angry for what I just realized
because you waited a whole month to tell me
and in the mean time you still loved me,
and ****, you still might
who does that?

it's taking every ounce of strength in my body
to stop the dreams I have at night
of you holding her so tight
mad I'm still hung up on you
by now, I thought I'd be through
but I feel like it's just gotten worse and worse
the dreams are so vivid, **** this curse
great, I got to know what real love feels like
it hurts like a bullet, makes me want to fight

it's taking every ounce of strength in my body
to accept that I'll never have anyone like you again
unless you came back to me and tried to mend
what we had but I honestly hope I'd reject you
except I know I wouldn't and you know too.

seems
         rhymes
                    can't
                            even
                                    communicate
                                                        my
                                                            thoughts
                                                                       today
rage took over me,

                  heart's beating fast,

                                 I don't even know what to say.

I now realize how it initially began
one night changed everything, I wish I ran
instead I stayed, feeling your heat
and the passion seeping through the sheets
I wish I could've said no I can't come over
or only if I know you're completely sober
but it happened and I can't change that
and my friends keep telling me we need to chat
just know confrontation isn't my thing
so it probably won't happen but I do need to bring
your clothes back over at some point
oh how I dread hearing your viewpoint
because I know you don't feel the same
and I know you're going to say I'm to blame
for reading into every move you made at night
and how your smile one time was so bright
but I meant nothing to you and I know that
just let me down lightly while I stand on your door mat
and I'll eventually be alright.

I dove into the water without thinking
What the consequences would be while blinking
Salt stung my eyes and my vision ceased
I could still move my legs and arms at least
But I also tried breathing and couldn't
Get out of the water, I just wouldn't
I thought I saw a treasure at the bottom
Pretty, shiny thing that wanted to blossom
I went deeper and deeper till I could see it
But ended up being too out of reach
With disappointment, I reconfigured what to do
I looked up but I was trapped where are you
My vision finally collapsed and my breath was no longer
I was lonely and frightened which gave me time to wonder
I blamed you, but it was me, who became this monster.

It was of course you
Who made me make the decision
But I hold you not the blame
As the serpent slithers inside my brain
It eats away the feeling and the pain
Near you I am a tattered window
I'm a ghost of your past,
A fake whisper in your ear
And I'm sorry I said yes in the beginning
I recall no memories, oh I wish
My head would deny them all
But the pictures they're there
Oh how I wish, I wish to go blind
There is no closing for us
Departing in opposite realms of reflection
The best of times
I wish you luck in this game of insanity
Time doesn't stop, we mustn't be grey
It's worth for tomorrow, but not today.

Oh what a beautiful mess we've made
We've torn apart our love parade
And now it's empty and grey
Taking so much to let it all rust
Until it cracks and dulls; what's left of us

Cabin houses and Sunday hikes
There it shown; dreamlike
Good mornings, breakfast and goodbyes
I thought I'd be the one next to you, I'd lye

There's something strange in the air
Or the lacking of your presence there
Guilted by the face of your mother
I hide there; weak and brittle; undercover

The rain comes and I know it's for me
I've damaged a boy who used to be free

You took my arm, we began to sing
But the voice in my head; it's ring
"I love you, I'm sorry, but I...
I have lost myself in your eyes."