my heart is tired
but it’s anxious at the same time
and it stays up all night
i had this ideal in my mind
perhaps it does not exist
what is a good relationship?
is it this?
there is a tug of war in my head
sure it’s anxiety,
but it’s also my subconscious thoughts
or maybe i need meds?
to put these thoughts to bed
there’s so many great things about us
but when we’re bad, we’re bad
i suppose that’s how a lot of people are
the heartbreak doesn’t stop when you’ve found someone who has reciprocated
but why should i be the one to mend it every time?
shouldn’t we be doing that for each other?

What if I become undone
What if you aren’t the one
These what if’s in my brain
Are making me go insane
I’m not in control of my happiness
And every small thing makes me cry
The thought of being alone
Grows scarier by the minute
If you aren’t the one
I will become undone

Why am I like this
Why am I always scared
I saw you a few days ago
Of course you actually care
I get in my head all the time
About the little things
But something tells me you’re not mine
But of course you are
Why I am doing this to myself?
Is there any truth to my overthinking?

i am scared to say it
because i really feel it
you hold me close
and i feel home
i want to say it a million times
because i see it with you
and no one else--
  i
    love
            you.

you understand my in's and out's
you know how to make me happy
you're patient with me and treat me so well
in the bedroom, you've got me under a spell
you're everything i need and want
there have been situations
where you have treated me so well that i've realized my own trauma
further proving you are so right for me
i know i was timid and shy in the beginning about letting my guard down
but you've broke through my walls
and i couldn't be happier to call you mine.

i like how this feels
and what it could be
you're a movie trailer of a love i’ve wished for
finally i see it with you
but we are no where close to the ****** of the story
so i'll take this step by step
and enjoy the ride
with you

Time
You have four years to complete this degree
then you must, you must be ready to know what to do
for if you don't, you will end up back here doing the same thing
Pressure
You must do good on this exam
and every exam, every project, if you miss one you will not be successful
If you don't do good it means you're not smart enough
you're not smart enough, you're not smart enough, you're not smart enough!
Stability
Why would you study something you like? Don't you know you will be living in a tent if you do that?
You need money, you need money, you need money
Me
I am trying to find the thing that gives me a greater purpose
is it here? is it here? is it here?
An abundance of thoughts flashes through my brain
and it's a lot.
Bringing me down to my knees, hugging my pillow, crying as my dog probably starts to worry
Is this it?

I'm  not used to being treated this well
Gone through many, you can probably tell
But I haven't been this hurt in a while
And I know it's because you made me smile
It was short lived but it was lovely
Then we realized you had someone in your mind
If only I had seen it, but you were just so kind
I know you didn't mean it, maybe that's what makes it worse
But you still think of her, so I'm stuck with this curse
I'm shocked but not surprised, as my serotonin decreases
Here's to being sad once again--my heart is in pieces.