3 years since I'd seen you
and you scared me to death
I hesitate to enter that coffee shop
but something in me wants it to happen again
to know you're okay
to know you're sober
what if you had approached me?
what would I have said?
what would you have told me?
I imagine sometimes how that would go
maybe some day we'll know
we'll say our sorries, it'll be quick
I don't know for sure if you saw me
but you viewed me LinkedIn shortly after

there's something in me that comes out every now and then
this desire to quite and run and create


           if only I was good at it

my heart is tired
but it’s anxious at the same time
and it stays up all night
i had this ideal in my mind
perhaps it does not exist
what is a good relationship?
is it this?
there is a tug of war in my head
sure it’s anxiety,
but it’s also my subconscious thoughts
or maybe i need meds?
to put these thoughts to bed
there’s so many great things about us
but when we’re bad, we’re bad
i suppose that’s how a lot of people are
the heartbreak doesn’t stop when you’ve found someone who has reciprocated
but why should i be the one to mend it every time?
shouldn’t we be doing that for each other?

What if I become undone
What if you aren’t the one
These what if’s in my brain
Are making me go insane
I’m not in control of my happiness
And every small thing makes me cry
The thought of being alone
Grows scarier by the minute
If you aren’t the one
I will become undone

Why am I like this
Why am I always scared
I saw you a few days ago
Of course you actually care
I get in my head all the time
About the little things
But something tells me you’re not mine
But of course you are
Why I am doing this to myself?
Is there any truth to my overthinking?

i am scared to say it
because i really feel it
you hold me close
and i feel home
i want to say it a million times
because i see it with you
and no one else--
  i
    love
            you.

you understand my in's and out's
you know how to make me happy
you're patient with me and treat me so well
in the bedroom, you've got me under a spell
you're everything i need and want
there have been situations
where you have treated me so well that i've realized my own trauma
further proving you are so right for me
i know i was timid and shy in the beginning about letting my guard down
but you've broke through my walls
and i couldn't be happier to call you mine.

i like how this feels
and what it could be
you're a movie trailer of a love i’ve wished for
finally i see it with you
but we are no where close to the ****** of the story
so i'll take this step by step
and enjoy the ride
with you