I feel their hatred, their lack of support
Their understanding that everything I’m doing is destroying, and I’m running out of things to break.
Everything I know, I feel is running down my back.
Away from my head, off my body, to you.
Tearing at your skin like some dastardly insect.
I can’t expect this to go on forever, I know it won’t.
Soon enough, I’ll lose you.
And once I lose you, they’ll see me for myself like you will.
A disgusting, obtrusive monster.
And I’ll lose them too.
And then I’ll be alone in this castle of emotions and hatred.
Fearing the crumbling down of it all as I rip, tear at the thin supports that remain.
All because I just can’t seem to keep my temper.

I’m so tired of feeling like **** for not doing me.
So *******.
I’ll call them films instead of movies and say all of my ******* opinions.
I’ll play like **** until I can play better.
I’ll make the jokes I think are funny.
I’ll wear what I want and look how I want.
I’ll make what I want, how I want, when I want.
And I’m gonna be proud of it.

You’re so bitter when wronged
Yet you so easily forgive

I can’t decide if it’s unbelievable strength
Or a justified weakness

To selflessly bear all of the blame
So much so that it causes a further descent into destabilization

You can’t seem to decide on whether or not you’d like to move on in hatred
Or keep dreaming, hopelessly lost in forgiveness

They don’t deserve you, I certainly don’t
You give so much, and you seem to not understand just how little of your debts will come even close to being repaid

being funny means everything to me.
but i cant be.

You seem persistent on closing yourself off
In that little glass box you claim to despise
It’s not there, I promise
The only thing keeping you away is yourself
I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn
If you’d just let me in, I could help you be whole
Please.

Summers changed for me, now that it’s real. So many great things are going on but I can’t help but focus on the negatives. My family is at each other’s throats, I’m torn between friends and enemies. I wake up and stay in my room for hours, waiting for the next day to roll by. I stuff my face and watch as my self image grows worse and do nothing to fix it. I can’t wait for school. I’m terrified of school. My anger is taking over. Little things terrify me, and all I want to do is hurt. I convince myself I’m in the right. I know better than that. I can’t seem to do things right. As for her, lately I’m only hurting her. I’m having issues putting my feelings into words, being calm. I spend most of my time scaring her or starting arguments that aren’t needed, that only hurt me. It’s no wonder she’s gravitating towards him. I’m losing her. All my friends are jumbled, I feel like everything and everyone is falling to pieces in front of me. It’s like cupping water in your hands, you don’t know how but somewhere theres a hole and everything’s leaking through. It’s the worst I’ve felt in a long time and it all hit me today. I’m sorry, to everyone. I’m trying my best, really. I won’t pretend that I’m changing or that I’m going to change. Just don’t leave me.

Now I can’t trust you.