Its funny how a single notion of you can make my day
Its not as though you ever intend to, or that you even care that you do
But the very idea of you brings such a warm tickly feeling and smile to my face, You’re one of the few things that makes me comfortable being happy

Sometimes I chide myself for being so vulnerable to someone so daring
I catch myself staring, taking in your eyes, your smile,
And most of all that ever-present contagious light that you worry so much is overbearing
It makes it even harder to see when that light dims down

I want to be able to fuel you, in the way that so few can do for you
Forgive me, I’m trying my best
For all the bads, I promise I’ll give you all the good I canYeah

I’m not me
Or maybe I just wish I wasn’t

Sometimes I’m afraid
That I’m worse than what I say I am
The thing that you swear I’m not
I think I’ve convinced you to think I deserve your support no matter what they say

No.

“Convinced” is too forgiving
I forced you to hurt yourself for me, scaring you so many times that you no longer knew what it was like to have a second opinion
I just wish I’d known what I was doing to you

If you’re the one that’s so concerned about the world ending
Why are you trying so hard to bring it to it’s knees?

i cant seem to make anything good of myself
my sources are depleted
why does everything have to mean so much
everything i do is about trying to prove everyone wrong when i know theyre right
you cant keep turning against me and then saying you care
i dont believe you anymore
its everyone or its me
i want to disappear

It’s most apparent to me now more than ever
That Death is always busy
He comes in many different forms
Sometimes he’s a surprise, sneaking his way into life and striking when you’re least prepared
Sometimes he gives you a choice, leaving time to reflect but also the guilt of playing god when you’re not ready
It’s hard to accept, and even harder to see in the ones you love
But it’s important to remember that Death cowers in the face of Life
The memories that you make, the emotions you share prevent Him from taking everything
As long as you keep them in your mind and your hearts, Death hasn’t won
And everyone else is here to help you forget the rest

“You deserve this.”
A statement that crosses my mind not commonly
But always occurs at the most innapropriate of times
How is it that I don’t owe you anything, and yet you owe me so much?
Certainly since I’ve given so much in the past, I may call in my debts now
Is that not how these things work?
I know the answer.
So why is it so hard to say
“You do not deserve this.”