the way i look at a piece of paper
knowing there are words to describe
you
knowing there is not enough i could say to do
you justice
but taking comfort in the way i feel as if i have known
you forever.
the sweater i left in my fathers closet.
the soft blue knit i knew
and had only now worn it
and taken off the spare pieces of thread
and had understood the purpose of the use of it.
the piece of sun that had met me before today and
yet it introduces itself to me every morning
and now i had understood the beauty in seeing the world in golden streaks on rooftops in the snow.
knowing you has been dawn.
understanding you has been spun
i wish to fervently describe the way i feel as if you have spun me a web to protect me in my dreams,
my nightmares, where i know they end just as i expect them to
in my hand.
you trace every line and stitch of work evident in my skin that you now know my hands like your own.
and i would wish that you would trace my life as i do yours, over in my mind turning it to knots that i know i can undo.
and i wish there was more time in the morning when the sun kisses me on my cheek and knows me like you do

I don’t know what I deserve anymore.
They say the world,
but I think smaller.
An ant on my tiny finger,
it’s world is my fingertip,
wondering the labyrinth
of my finger print.
Each callis it stumbles,
until it falls into sleep
under my thumbnail.
I feel as if I wander my thoughts,
it’s walls as tall as my doubts.
I can never find a way out.
Instead, I stumble on hardships, confidence and hopelessness,
only to fall asleep snug
in only a blanket of the unknown.
I belong to my own world of thought, though I often wonder if it is
what I deserve.

attachment is the pill i take every night before i sleep
it isn’t something that i want to do
it is the cure for my need to serve
my need to satisfy
and i know it isn’t healthy
that’s why i take the pill

cicadas are the only thing that makes me feel safe anymore
there is nothing more therapeutic
than the song they sing in the warm summer nights
amongst the cooled leaves
and willowy grass
inexplicably calming,
they surround me in their song
rocking me to sleep
on the backs of their rhythmic wings

i feel cursed somehow
with guilt
i am ridden with guilt
and the only thing protecting me
is rhiannon playing over and over

a stare
so gone and so empty
so dull yet it could cut someone's heart in half
that is a blank stare
the feeling of wanting nothing more than to feel
but perhaps feeling too much as to let yourself go
and float in the empty space
it is feeling alone in a room with people
it is feeling alone in the daylight
it is a stare
so gone and so empty

this morning went like razors on skin
this morning went like a headache you can't stand
this morning went like a bad dream that went on and on
this morning was rain for weeks and weeks
this morning was regret of waking
this morning was hoping for the next