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Oct 15 · 29
Dreadfully in Love
Olivia Oct 15
When I think of you, I think of time.
I think of the privilege of watching each and every line,
Deepen on your face.

How like rivers they’ll weave and dip,
Bending and stretching as the curve of your hip,
Stories told as we’ve grown old.

When I think of you, I think of flowers.
I think of all of the blessed hours I have spent in your presence,
What a gift!

I see fields teeming with lavender and rose,
Fireworking nature, in all of her prose,
Mother Earth describes you better than I even know.

When I think of you, I feel effervescent of limb,
Like I might float away, on a whim,
And land just outside your door.

When you’re near, my heart thrums,
My foolish body goes nearly numb,
And I’m not quite certain what my brain becomes.

When I think of you, I am elated,
No, more than that, though no word really conveys it,
Suffice it to say:
I am hopelessly, splendidly, dreadfully in love.
7.23.23
Oct 15 · 36
When We Leave
Olivia Oct 15
When you leave me, I think of small things.
How long the towel you used will stay on the rack.
How long my pillow will smell like you.
How long I’ll keep finding your hair in my shower.
How long my bedsheets will stay the way you made them.

When I leave you, I think of little things.
How long it will take my toothbrush to dry next to yours.
How long the silverware I used will sit in the drying rack.
How long the loaf of bread I ate from will remain in your cupboard.

When we leave each other, I think of tiny things.
How long our swapped sweatshirts will go without washing.
How long your fingerprints will stay on my counters.
How long my boba cup will stay in your recycling bin.
How long it’ll be until someone else is the passenger in my car.
How long until we see each other next.
4.26.23
Oct 15 · 29
I [Redacted] You
Olivia Oct 15
Because I cannot tell you I’m falling in love with you yet, I tell you when I kiss you, in those moments when I try so hard to yell, scream it into your awareness with the gentle touch that only holistic connection can bring.
When you smile at me, I am young again, it is Christmas, there are gifts under the tree and an untouched blanket of snow on the ground.
You smell like home even though I have never known your scent before, yet when I hold you it is a warm blanket in a pine-scented cabin well worn with age, the fire is crackling, and we are sitting on the  leather couch which is much too old, splintering seams and cracked brown cushions.
When I am near you, I hear but one refrain, that I am falling in love with you, so wholly and completely, in the way the color of your eyes so gently touches the color of your skin, the way that your freckles cannot be compared to stars— that is too common a likening, but rather to each instance which has made me rush deeper and deeper into you… beautiful, effortless you.
The way you speak entrances me, how you pronounce your “s”s and your “rums” (rooms) and your laugh, the kind of head-thrown-back, teeth out belly laugh that people try so hard to emulate, that is ascribed to the most lovable storybook characters, but which I have learned is a hallmark of your effervescent, overflowing joy.
When I am with you, I am so present it hurts, yet I am safe, I am understood, I am seen in ways that only a coveted few experience in their lives.
I am falling in love with you, for you are Christmas and pine trees and laughter, you are staying up too late and stargazing and adventure, you are creek water that is far too cold but far more refreshing, you are holding hands in the sweltering heat and wearing white shoes on muddy hikes, you are astonishing. And I hope desperately that you know it.
6.1.22
Oct 15 · 25
6 Months
Olivia Oct 15
As the seasons change, I realize there’s no one I’d rather weather the weather with than you.
In six months, the sun has sung the green leaves of the poplar trees red with delight and the autumn rays are finally solid enough for me to hang my coat upon.
You are the first crisp air I breathed in the summer and the last warm blanket I’ll clutch in the fall.
In six months, the chime has tolled last year gone and this year new and the streets which were briefly ours are now everyone’s.
You are frozen smoothie bowls and salty New England air.
In sixth months, I have made my peace with twenty-one and, as she waits excitedly, you are crossing the threshold to meet her.
You are a fallen tree over a creek, perfect for two “friends”, and a soft-clanging bell delivering her soliloquy to the listening sea.
In sixth months, the Earth has travelled two hundred and ninety-two million miles to spend each morning and each night lain next to the sun while I have travelled two thousand and ninety-two miles to be lain next to you.
You are a boot-tappin’ Appalachian folk song and that first triumphant forkful of Trader Joe’s gluten-free pumpkin bread.
And as the seasons change, I realize there’s no one I’d rather be here with than you.
10.24.22
Olivia Oct 15
i should've written you more poems
but you are like water, like fire, like earth
how do i describe the air that i breathe
except 'vital'?

i should've written you more poems
but i know what you'll look like as an old woman
with kind eyes and a warm smile
with a crochet hook and eternity together

i should've written you more poems
but i want to remember each line
the trees and sky above us
tell our stories better anyway

when i see you again, as a lover or a friend, i'll write you more poems.
Oct 15 · 46
a book read backwards
Olivia Oct 15
as i delete you from my camera roll
i remember something my father said
"perhaps time is like the pages of a book"
pressed together so delicately
what really separates today from yesterday
this year from the next?

as i reread our story from its ending
i remember your favorite movie
the protagonist can time travel
undo his past mistakes so easily
what really stains the past
rends memory to turmoil?

as i wipe the memories from my face
i remember my favorite movie
it's about time
the father sacrifices his daughter for the universe
or was it really himself?

i watch as we grow happier, closer, while knowing each other less and less.

i hope somewhere, i am opening a door for you and welcoming you into my home.
Olivia Aug 13
I awoke one morning
To find eternity stretched before me,
Forever and ever, there before my eyes.

She likes to wear secondhand t-shirts.

I awoke one afternoon
To find the universe yawning wide open,
Stars and cities and teeming with life.

She likes to sleep beneath a weighted blanket.

I awoke one evening
To find Heaven curled up beside me,
Living and breathing and marvelously existing.

She likes to eat hummus.
Aug 13 · 57
i love you, i'm sorry
Olivia Aug 13
you trusted me,
and you collected the trinkets i gave you and made me an altar by your bedside
you trusted me,
and you broke pumpkin bread beneath the trees on a picnic blanket in april

i love you,
and i still did when i went to her house and slept in her room
i love you,
and i still did when i welcomed her into mine

you believed me,
and you gave me handmade gifts with love in every stitch
you believed me,
and you rubbed my back while i cried and held me when i was scared

i love you,
and i still did when i sent her letters and told her my dreams
i love you,
and i still did when i betrayed the very thing we'd created together.
you cried when i told you.
Feb 19 · 97
23
Olivia Feb 19
23
Dear me!
I'm 23
I thought I'd know so much by now
I thought I'd be so free.

Expectations lay heavily on my shoulders
The paths I follow are full of boulders
People say "enjoy your twenties!"
But I fear I may be growing colder.

Oh God!
I feel a fraud
I thought I'd travel the world by now
Or at least have a full-time job.

This aging thing is really quite scary
Everyone told me "time flies; be wary!"
But we're all aging at the same rate
Don't we all have time to tarry?

Egad!
Still I'm glad
I thought I'd have done a thousand things by now
But if I keep learning, is it really all that bad?
It's been a while since I wrote a poem for my age.
Feb 19 · 184
She Before Me
Olivia Feb 19
There is light in the darkness
When I awake, I look at myself
I have my mother's eyes
She is so beautiful

I think of all the sunrises and sunsets she's seen
I think of all the times that she awoke, and looked at herself
And counted all of the days she'd lived
Wondering if she deserved any more

I think of the first time she looked at me
This child gazing back through her own eyes
And thought me perfection
And wished me a million million sunrises
And a million million sunsets
Thinking I deserved them all

I think of my own daughter, as yet unborn
Will she look at me with my own eyes
And be glad I accepted so many days
Even when I felt so undeserving?

I look at these women through their own eyes
And think them perfection
My mother deserves a million million sunrises
And a million million sunsets
My daughter deserves a million million sunrises
And a million million sunsets

There is light in the darkness
When I awake, I look at myself
I have my mother's eyes
I am so beautiful.
Olivia Jan 12
I like to think that Death came for you gently, at six am on a Thursday.
As you lay there, nestled in your sheets; the light in your room was green.
I like to think that He looked like your father, and that He reached out with a sparkle in His eye.
When you touched His hand, it wasn't hard for you to move; you could finally see him at your side.
I like to think you glanced out of the window together; aren't the neighbors so peaceful?

I like to think that Death came for you beautifully, at six am on a Thursday.
As you lay there, the rest of the world sleeping; just two other souls by your side.
I like to think that She looked like your mother, and that She pulled you into a warm embrace.
When you held Her close, nothing hurt; you could finally look up into Her eyes.
I like to think you stopped by the Christmas tree together; aren't the lights so beautiful?

I like to think that Death came for you joyously, at six am on a Thursday.
As you lay there, your eyes clouded over; the dawn not too far away.
I like to think that Death looked on you kindly, and offered you a Coke for the road.
When you took a sip, the universe exploded, and you might go anywhere, anywhen.
I like to think you chose first to rest by our bedsides; aren't these people you made so wonderful?
My grandmother died yesterday morning. I hope death was as exciting and magnificent as she hoped it would be.

Thank you, Grandma Jean, for the love you gave.
Sep 2022 · 180
universe
Olivia Sep 2022
she is truly indescribable
when i tell you there is a universe which she inhabits, solely--with a few pine trees and visited, on occasion, by the raspberries of reddened cheeks--would you understand?
of course not, for everyone has someone who occupies their own universe.
if i told you she was the best of them all, would you believe me?
that her universe has the most beautiful vistas, the clearest skies, rolling hills stretching to infinity and unfathomable sunsets
would you agree with this fact?
perhaps, if you knew her.
to know her is to know of what i speak. at least, you'd be able to peek through the telescope and gather some version of her temporary eternity.
she gets stuck in my throat, sometimes.
all lovers say that their breath is taken, but how might you know what i mean when i say that sometimes i cannot breathe yet my lungs continue to function?
to glimpse her universe is to plunge into the darkness fully, with such uncertainty that you are certain to find a garden bursting with flowers, the most beautiful flowers. you are certain to find untamed happiness, wildly stunning serenity, and two or so campers in maine looking on in awe.
her universe is heart-stoppingly astonishing, incomprehensibly astounding, unendingly, stupendously amazing.
i never want to leave.
Mar 2022 · 186
The Other Olivia
Olivia Mar 2022
Your body is the soft light filtering through green leaves,
The sunrise over the water that reflects into infinity and infinity and infinity.

Your eyes are the gentle clouds floating by on a blue day,
A bygone, lilting breeze where cares are carried carefully away.

Your voice is the sweet birdsong on a warm summer's morning,
The deep church bell that rings so divine that people begin to believe it is the sound of God himself.

While there is no shortage of syntax that I can use to suggest the sweet serenity which serendipitously serenades all souls you surround,

When I see you it is as though I have found myself idle in an idyllic meadow, ignorantly inarticulate in the face of inescapable, unimaginable splendor.

The brushstroke curve of your lips and your neck and your hips and your hands is my favorite painting in the world's museum.

You are so much, you are waking up from a nightmare only to remember you are safe and warm in your bed, you are the rushed, breathless heartbeats after a first kiss, you are July on film, you are the first sip of a perfectly **** strawberry lemonade from the Cheesecake Factory.

But most of all, your body is the soft light filtering through green leaves,
The sunrise over the water that reflects into infinity and infinity and infinity.
Feb 2022 · 132
ugh.
Olivia Feb 2022
who are you?
that i think of you often
i cannot escape it
caring for you is lighting myself on fire
how can i become free?
that i'd carve your face into the ash
and maybe when it melts it will look like hers
but no, it is yours
it is yours that i would sculpt with my two hands
and become burned by the embers of my own foolishness.
Dec 2021 · 702
why do i still love you?
Olivia Dec 2021
it’s been so long. why do i still love you like this?
like the day i met you and found myself lost in your being.
like the night we laughed and very, very nearly kissed.
like the time i saw you in the moonlight and my eyes had never beheld such beauty.
like the moment i ran a red light because you were so captivating.
like when i held you and made that moment eternity in my mind only.
like our plans for our wedding, our home, our children.
like you are my forever and ever and ever.
why do i still love you like this??
Dec 2021 · 131
My Favorite Music
Olivia Dec 2021
My favorite music was the way your fingers curled as you slept
How you gently plucked the strings of oxygen surrounding us
What a lovely tune.

My favorite music was the way your mouth moved as you spoke
How you set the metronome of my heart to a hundred beats per minute
What a grand song.

My favorite music was the way your body flowed like silk
How you strummed the moonlight encircling you
What a stunning melody.

You are my favorite composer.
I still sing the chorus sometimes.
Nov 2021 · 141
Myself
Olivia Nov 2021
Tonight, I'm falling in love with myself.
I will study her hands so closely,
I will marvel at each line.

Tonight, I'm falling in love with myself.
I will hug her body so tightly,
I will be so glad she's mine.

Tonight, I'm falling in love with myself.
I will love the way her hair falls,
I will cherish all her time.

Tonight, I'm falling in love with myself.
I will want her sense of humor,
I will smile at how she's kind.

Tonight, I'm falling in love with myself.
Sep 2021 · 116
Moving On?
Olivia Sep 2021
How am I supposed to sleep at night
When I the way I am coping
Is by hoping I can pull you out of someone else's eyes?

But when there's so much room in my heart
For love and I can see a distant spark
What am I supposed to do but take this shot in the dark?

How am I supposed to rise at day
When the way I am surviving
Is by thriving, but am I? Or am I dying?

All of my dreams of you begin to fade
Our future, our life, our children
The dress I saw you in won't fit another anyway

How am I supposed to breathe the air
When the way I am existing
Is by forgetting every second; were you ever there?

Your mother told me I could take care of her
Chapters in a book that go unwritten
The story I would have given begins to blur

How am I supposed to feel free
When I was so secure
I was so sure of you and me?
Jun 2021 · 119
Easy
Olivia Jun 2021
How easy it is to be with you again.
May 2021 · 748
Sitting
Olivia May 2021
we sat.
a woman passed.
she said,
"you look like you're enjoying each other."
she added,
"or the day."
you said,
"we're enjoying the day."
I was enjoying you.
May 2021 · 94
somewhere in the past
Olivia May 2021
somewhere in the past, I am looking on You for the first time.
You make me smile, and we walk for far too long.

somewhere in the past, my palms are sweaty for the first time.
Yours are too, and we laugh about it.

somewhere in the past, I am hearing You laugh for the first time.
You are so beautiful when you laugh, and it makes me happy.

somewhere in the past, You are holding me for the first time.
You are so comforting, and every time we're together, I don't let go.

somewhere in the past, we are falling in love for the first time.
You are everything, everything, everything, and I am obsessed.

somewhere in the past, we are watching our show entwined.
You are forever and ever and ever, and I am content.

somewhere in the past, we are planning our future.
You are in a wedding dress in Washington and Oregon and Colorado and I am so lucky.

somewhere in the past, we are still together.
You told me you felt safe in my arms, too. I'll hold onto that.
Olivia Apr 2021
We had just met.
You told me that you were tired of your roommate,
So I came and saved you.
We sat in the stadium and talked.
The way the stars illuminated you was incredible.
The air felt electric and I never wanted it to end.
This evening I will not forget.

We had just started.
I told you that I was still nervous,
So you came and saved me.
We sat in the drive-through and laughed.
The way the lights touched you was magnificent.
The world felt okay and I never wanted it to end.
This evening I will not forget.

We had just begun.
We were both so certainly uncertain,
So we came and saved each other.
We sat in your room and smiled.
The way you were so close to me was overwhelming
The room felt so comforting and I never wanted it to end.
This evening I will not forget.

We had just confessed.
We were both so incredibly happy,
So we continued to love each other.
We sat in your car and listened.
The way you sang was beautiful.
The moment felt so transcendent and I never wanted it to end.
This evening I will not forget.

These evenings I will not forget.
Inspired by Dermot Kennedy's song of the same name.
Apr 2021 · 1.9k
Last Night
Olivia Apr 2021
I saw You again last night.
You smiled at me so beautifully.

This stunning mirage of You,
It blessed me when I awoke.

I held your hand.
I remembered what it felt like.

You still exist with me in my mind.
I still love you so much it hurts.
Apr 2021 · 268
Still in Love
Olivia Apr 2021
I'm still in love with you.
And that's okay.
I think about your hands
How they touch the light of day.

I'm still in love with you.
It hurts a bit.
I imagine your smile
What might be causing it.

I'm still in love with you.
I will be fine.
Yet I cannot help but think
What if you were still mine?
Feb 2021 · 124
In You
Olivia Feb 2021
In you, I see something
It reminds me of peace.
Hands remain tangled,
After we’ve fallen asleep.

Forlorn figures fade
Faithlessly away.
And my faithful frettings
Found moorings in faraway fields today.

In you, I feel something
It reminds me of warmth.
If ever you need flour,
Please knock at my door.

Ancient ancillary angels
Are visiting me now.
And my divine daydreams
Discover a home in delightful dallying about.

In you, I find something.
It reminds me of love.
Mayhaps it’s too hackneyed
But it feels blessed; from above.
Dec 2020 · 86
When I Grow Old
Olivia Dec 2020
When I grow old, I shall put seven cents in my pocket and give it to strangers.

I shall embark upon a journey and peddle soft, warm words that fill empty bellies and soothe tattered psyches.

I shall set up a travelling stand where the only currency we accept is memories, used and reused and sold bottled up fresh in old cans of soda.

I shall become known and unknown, even unknowable as I weave my way through threadbare mountains and ribboning streams and sing gentle songs with whatever words you’d like to hear.

I shall collect river rocks, smoothed with time and ancient expressions which I will attempt, futilely, to divine.

I shall carry all of my compliments in the stitches of my shawl and discard the insults on the ground, crumpled bits of refuse decaying in my wake, then pull my garment ever tighter such that the cruel litter may not reach me at all.

When I grow old, I shall find seven cents in my pocket given to me by a stranger.
I wrote this after reading “The Father Costume,” a novel which I still do not fully understand.
Olivia Nov 2020
when i first met you, it was your laugh
it comes from deep inside of you and spills into the air
i wanted nothing more than to be the cause of such music
i was entranced!


when i met you next, it was your neck
the way it connects with your jaw gently sloping
i wanted nothing more than to kiss you
i was enraptured!

when i began to fall, it was your smile
that day turned night and the way your lips turn up at the corners
i wanted nothing more than to make you smile forever
i was enchanted!

when i fell still further, it was your hands
the fingers and palms that belong in a museum for they are sculptures
i wanted nothing more than to have your hand grace mine
i was enthralled!

when i knew i loved you, it was you
the way you laugh and smile and speak
how you enunciate your words
your neck and jaw and hands and arms
your heart and soul and mind
the aphrodite standing before me always
somehow giving me her time

when i knew i loved you, it was you.
Oct 2020 · 86
Slip
Olivia Oct 2020
The happiness falls like rain
Only to drip through my outstretched fingers
Turning to the inevitable, inimical, immutable mud of you.

I dredge through this monotony so often that it becomes routine
The muck which traps me so wholly feels natural
It flows like a river.

And then I remember you and I am frozen
The boulders which obstruct my path double in size
And I slip beneath your filth.
Oct 2020 · 92
Late Sunshine's Sadness
Olivia Oct 2020
I watched the roofs of the buildings
The turrets, spiraling
Fresh August.

I closed the window
The noise, overwhelming
Metallic singing.

I lay in the bed
The city, wailing
Blanketed shouting.

I woke in the morning
The ground, sinking
Unstable standing.
Sep 2020 · 99
Unto You
Olivia Sep 2020
I have built unto you an empire,
Do not leave, I entreat;
Stay here for still longer.

These halls which I have made,
Dwell in them, I beg;
Remain here for some while.

I have built unto you a castle,
Do not depart; I urge;
Live here for such time.

These turrets which I have drawn,
Linger upon them, I beseech;
Rest here for this spell.
Sep 2020 · 85
Happy With Me
Olivia Sep 2020
I think I’m starting to become happy with myself.
Sep 2020 · 96
your music
Olivia Sep 2020
i listen to your music until i become numb to the words which once electrified me
Sep 2020 · 96
You Don't Like Synonyms
Olivia Sep 2020
You don't like synonyms.
But I love, adore, revel in their verbosity.
You don't like synonyms.
But I delight, relish, worship in their volubility.

You don't like symbolism.
But I stand staring at the dark clouds which surround you.
You don't like symbolism.
But I stop and look at the ray of light filtering through.

You don't like words.
But the amorous phrases force their way out of my throat.
You don't like words.
And it was I who said the ones that ended it.
Aug 2020 · 99
the music
Olivia Aug 2020
do you remember the music?
cavernous halls swallowing us whole
i watched as the dancers climbed to the heights
the peaks, the sorrows of man which dwelt among us.

do you remember the feeling?
sonorous sensations surrounding us completely
i heard as the echoing sentiments sang so sweetly
the swells, the careful connections forged between us.

do you remember the music?
it is raging, the river, it is rising and we are together
we are together, we cannot be separated and here we are
sharing this moment sharing this time feverishly preparing
crescendoing into glorious, exalting infinity!

and now it is over.

but do you remember the music?
Aug 2020 · 88
Nineteen Revels
Olivia Aug 2020
Nineteen revels at nineteen!
First, how can I be so old?
Second, how can I be so young?
And how can I possibly navigate the world?
Fourth, what if my inside doesn't match my outside?
Fifth, how do I ask for wisdom?
Sixth, not a question, but an enunciation: I am beautiful!
But what if I'm not beautiful?
Eighth, remember when I was eight?
Ninth, I'm not sure I do. But maybe I do.
Tenth, the next decade is coming for me soon!
Eleventh, I rather dread it.
And how do I handle loss?
Thirteenth, is thirteen unlucky?
Fourteenth, it doesn't seem so.
Fifteenth, I am the same distance from fifteen as I am from twenty-three.
Sixteenth, I've only been driving for three years.
Seventeenth, I've only been driving for three years?
But I feel so capable!
Nineteenth subsection a. the world is so large, so unknowable, and that is scary.
Nineteenth subsection b. I will revel in it.
Aug 2020 · 81
What Wasn't
Olivia Aug 2020
all it seems i can do
is focus on what wasn't
i didn't get to hold your hand or kiss you.

i wanted to watch you ski and hike the flatirons.
i wanted to meet your friends and family.
i wanted to last, at least for a little while.

all it seems i could do
was focus on what wasn't
i didn't get to take you out or touch your face.

i wanted to bring you to my mountains and tease you about yours.
i wanted to introduce you to my friends and family.
i wanted to last, at least for a little while.

all it seems i can do
is focus on what wasn't
i didn't get to tell you i love you or...

i didn't get to.

i just didn't get to.
Jul 2020 · 104
remember?
Olivia Jul 2020
do you remember when i asked if i could kiss you?
it felt like the time i stood on that rocky ledge and couldn’t jump into the water below because it seemed so high.

do you remember when i told you i like you?
it felt like the first time i rode that roller coaster and made it over the biggest hill (without throwing up, too!)

do you remember when i asked you to lunch?
it felt like the time i took a deep breath and got in that rickety old plane just to jump out of it and soar through the clouds.

do you remember?

i do.
Jul 2020 · 109
Hurt
Olivia Jul 2020
When I am
Hurt
I wish I did not become
Hurtful.
Jun 2020 · 111
Mt. G
Olivia Jun 2020
sometimes
i thought the way into your head was yelling
i thought my speech was honest and true
yet you gave me so much
and spoke nothing.
May 2020 · 105
This Is A Contract
Olivia May 2020
This is a contract!!
Why won’t you give me my end of the bargain?
Make me feel loved, make me feel beautiful.
To you, what am I but a distraction from your stress?

This is a contract!!
Why did you even sign it?
Give me your time, give me your concern.
To you, what am I but a friend?

This is a contract!!
Why won’t you fulfill it?
Offer me your care, offer me your words.
To me, you are wonderful.
May 2020 · 124
Mortal Meditations
Olivia May 2020
How I long to give in to the mortal pleasures of the flesh,
Yet lusting for the release of the physical world I exist,
Paradoxically halted by my own humanity.

Am I this name, this face, this soul?
Is this body inseparable from me?
I look at my digits and exalt in their beauty, these vessels which carry me through life.

How I wish to ascend to the heights of consciousness,
Yet praying for the escape from this eternal solitude,
Perpetually stunted by my own humanness.

Am I this heart, this blood, this mind?
Are those people inseparable from me?
I look at their digits and exalt in their beauty, those vessels which carry us through life.

How fleeting, how trivial, how small everything is.
How permanent, how significant, how immense everything is to me.
May 2020 · 102
nothing.
Olivia May 2020
i feel nothing, but in the best way.

the absence of artificial asinine archaic and endlessly echoing internal emotions.

all is well here, all is well here.

i feel nothing; no worry.

this peaceful presence propagating powerful pleasantries within a quiet mind.

all is well here, all is well here.

i feel nothing; no longing.

the first fantastical hiatus from forceful fateful phantoms gripping at the heart.

i feel nothing; no anger.

this incredible introspective break with inimical irate iterations intruding upon this space.

all is well here, all is well here.

i feel nothing, but in the best way.
May 2020 · 103
Successful People
Olivia May 2020
being surrounded by successful people is exhausting.
Apr 2020 · 138
Balanced
Olivia Apr 2020
I balance myself
   so delicately
on haves and have-nots.

"What do I have that you do not?"
      this gives me life; purpose.
I have done what you lack.

"What have you done that I have not?"
       and suddenly the world falls beneath my feet.
I am not so good as you anymore.

I balance myself
   so delicately
on haves and have-nots.
Apr 2020 · 112
Prayer
Olivia Apr 2020
O Lord, my God
Would you consecrate my lungs such that the air I breathe be holy?
O Lord, my Savior
May each shuddering breath be yours; Divine.

O Lord, my God
Would you consecrate my throat such that the water I drink be wine?
O Lord, my Protector
May each desperate swallow be yours; Heaven.

O Lord, my God
Would you consecrate my palms such that the ones I touch be angels?
O Lord, my Guide
May each careful stroke be yours; Blessed.

O Lord, my God
Would you consecrate my soul such that my deeds be pure?
O Lord, my Shepherd
May each deliberate act be yours; Transcendent.
Mar 2020 · 108
Do You Mind?
Olivia Mar 2020
Do you mind that I might seek you out?
I am not certain what this feeling is, this glowing fire that I have lit inside of myself.
Sometimes I hope that it might consume me entirely.
Yet I strike the match such that it burns just enough to pleasantly warm my thoughts.

Do you mind that I might think of you?
I am not certain why this feeling is, this divine light which I myself have cast upon you.
Sometimes I hope that it might fade into nothingness.
Yet I stoke the embers such that they may never turn cold.

Do you mind that I might wonder about you?
I am not certain how this feeling is, this burning sun which sets often and not at all.
Sometimes I hope that it may warm you as it does me.
Yet I stare into the flames such that they begin to fade without my intervention.
Mar 2020 · 104
Divinity
Olivia Mar 2020
Here we lay, victims to a divine and unyielding power.
Yet in another land it is I who stands on the precipice.
I do not fear, I do not love, I do not long in this, my creation.

Here I lay, at peace in a world of my own making.
I may finally ascribe divinity to myself.
I do not hide, I do not reach, I do not withhold in this, my creation.
Mar 2020 · 95
Blood
Olivia Mar 2020
O, come now my brothers.

Come weep at the river that I myself have dredged.

The toil, no, the fruit of my labor is borne.

Unto you all who may reap its rewards.

O, come now brothers.

Your sweet notes I hear, crying out.

Watch as I slice myself open.

And turn the river red with blood.
Feb 2020 · 106
Happy Place
Olivia Feb 2020
I sit at the base of a tree, and it is summer.

Here is gold streaming through the leaves, dappling the ground with sunspots.

I look past my boots into a pasture full of souls.

Here are Aesop's Fables by my side, drawing familiar faces close... or pushing them far.

I feel the warmth of this heaven before me.

Here are joys and tears and adventures both big and small.

I hear the sound of a river tangling and untangling itself among rocks and sediment.

Here is James Taylor reminding us that this old world must still be spinning 'round.

I know you are here with me, even though I do not know you well, I have not met you yet, and you are my best friend.

Here is my past and present and future, and I feel our first kiss and the secrets you kept safe and the night we lay on the rocks under the stars and the only time I remember you holding my hand and how loudly we sang in the car.

I will live here, I will die here.

Here is my happy place.
Jan 2020 · 115
18
Olivia Jan 2020
18
I wore my Sunday best,
I am ready to shed this year.

I bore sorrows through eyes as yet unharmed,
I know better now.

I learned love and love learned me,
Now we sit hand in hand... most days.

I put myself into a box,
I pulled myself out again.

I have enjoyed it all,
As time turns everything golden.

Am I doing you justice, o 18th year?

I was told that 19 is an incredible age to be.

Now I am on its precipice.

I think I will jump with both feet first.
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