Olivia

Olivia Oct 2024

as i delete you from my camera roll
i remember something my father said
"perhaps time is like the pages of a book"
pressed together so delicately
what really separates today from yesterday
this year from the next?

as i reread our story from its ending
i remember your favorite movie
the protagonist can time travel
undo his past mistakes so easily
what really stains the past
rends memory to turmoil?

as i wipe the memories from my face
i remember my favorite movie
it's about time
the father sacrifices his daughter for the universe
or was it really himself?

i watch as we grow happier, closer, while knowing each other less and less.

i hope somewhere, i am opening a door for you and welcoming you into my home.

Olivia Aug 2024

Everything there Ever Was

I awoke one morning
To find eternity stretched before me,
Forever and ever, there before my eyes.

She likes to wear secondhand t-shirts.

I awoke one afternoon
To find the universe yawning wide open,
Stars and cities and teeming with life.

She likes to sleep beneath a weighted blanket.

I awoke one evening
To find Heaven curled up beside me,
Living and breathing and marvelously existing.

She likes to eat hummus.

Olivia Aug 2024

i love you, i'm sorry

you trusted me,
and you collected the trinkets i gave you and made me an altar by your bedside
you trusted me,
and you broke pumpkin bread beneath the trees on a picnic blanket in april

i love you,
and i still did when i went to her house and slept in her room
i love you,
and i still did when i welcomed her into mine

you believed me,
and you gave me handmade gifts with love in every stitch
you believed me,
and you rubbed my back while i cried and held me when i was scared

i love you,
and i still did when i sent her letters and told her my dreams
i love you,
and i still did when i betrayed the very thing we'd created together.

you cried when i told you.

Olivia Feb 2024

23

Dear me!
I'm 23
I thought I'd know so much by now
I thought I'd be so free.

Expectations lay heavily on my shoulders
The paths I follow are full of boulders
People say "enjoy your twenties!"
But I fear I may be growing colder.

Oh God!
I feel a fraud
I thought I'd travel the world by now
Or at least have a full-time job.

This aging thing is really quite scary
Everyone told me "time flies; be wary!"
But we're all aging at the same rate
Don't we all have time to tarry?

Egad!
Still I'm glad
I thought I'd have done a thousand things by now
But if I keep learning, is it really all that bad?

It's been a while since I wrote a poem for my age.

Olivia Feb 2024

She Before Me

There is light in the darkness
When I awake, I look at myself
I have my mother's eyes
She is so beautiful

I think of all the sunrises and sunsets she's seen
I think of all the times that she awoke, and looked at herself
And counted all of the days she'd lived
Wondering if she deserved any more

I think of the first time she looked at me
This child gazing back through her own eyes
And thought me perfection
And wished me a million million sunrises
And a million million sunsets
Thinking I deserved them all

I think of my own daughter, as yet unborn
Will she look at me with my own eyes
And be glad I accepted so many days
Even when I felt so undeserving?

I look at these women through their own eyes
And think them perfection
My mother deserves a million million sunrises
And a million million sunsets
My daughter deserves a million million sunrises
And a million million sunsets

There is light in the darkness
When I awake, I look at myself
I have my mother's eyes
I am so beautiful.

Olivia Jan 2024

At Six AM on a Thursday

I like to think that Death came for you gently, at six am on a Thursday.
As you lay there, nestled in your sheets; the light in your room was green.
I like to think that He looked like your father, and that He reached out with a sparkle in His eye.
When you touched His hand, it wasn't hard for you to move; you could finally see him at your side.
I like to think you glanced out of the window together; aren't the neighbors so peaceful?

I like to think that Death came for you beautifully, at six am on a Thursday.
As you lay there, the rest of the world sleeping; just two other souls by your side.
I like to think that She looked like your mother, and that She pulled you into a warm embrace.
When you held Her close, nothing hurt; you could finally look up into Her eyes.
I like to think you stopped by the Christmas tree together; aren't the lights so beautiful?

I like to think that Death came for you joyously, at six am on a Thursday.
As you lay there, your eyes clouded over; the dawn not too far away.
I like to think that Death looked on you kindly, and offered you a Coke for the road.
When you took a sip, the universe exploded, and you might go anywhere, anywhen.
I like to think you chose first to rest by our bedsides; aren't these people you made so wonderful?

My grandmother died yesterday morning. I hope death was as exciting and magnificent as she hoped it would be.

Thank you, Grandma Jean, for the love you gave.

Olivia Sep 2022

universe

she is truly indescribable
when i tell you there is a universe which she inhabits, solely--with a few pine trees and visited, on occasion, by the raspberries of reddened cheeks--would you understand?
of course not, for everyone has someone who occupies their own universe.
if i told you she was the best of them all, would you believe me?
that her universe has the most beautiful vistas, the clearest skies, rolling hills stretching to infinity and unfathomable sunsets
would you agree with this fact?
perhaps, if you knew her.
to know her is to know of what i speak. at least, you'd be able to peek through the telescope and gather some version of her temporary eternity.
she gets stuck in my throat, sometimes.
all lovers say that their breath is taken, but how might you know what i mean when i say that sometimes i cannot breathe yet my lungs continue to function?
to glimpse her universe is to plunge into the darkness fully, with such uncertainty that you are certain to find a garden bursting with flowers, the most beautiful flowers. you are certain to find untamed happiness, wildly stunning serenity, and two or so campers in maine looking on in awe.
her universe is heart-stoppingly astonishing, incomprehensibly astounding, unendingly, stupendously amazing.
i never want to leave.