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 Mar 2014 Olivia Mercado
Cecelia
Guess what? I wanna die, not all the time, but every night.
I love to soar through nature's door, but when society kicks in, I don't anymore

No one can see behind one part of me, and it's sad to say,
Part of me wants it that way
But there's another side, that wants to strive,
Out from the hole
its been it's whole life

And if you're too blind to see, I guess it's all on me.
I'm done trying to show
I just thought you ought to know

But now I'm done, I'll just sail away
And just go back to the struggle of each day.

Don't feel bad, it is what it is,
I was just the girl who fell
into it.

-cc
random depressing poem based off of real feelings.
3/17/14 < when it was written.
...Anyone wanna help name it btw?

-cc
I could rip out my ovaries
Toss them to the wolves
They don't work anyway
**** what a waste
Then torture each doctor
That gave me false hope
A sense of revenge
I do taste

Space

I could hand you my ******
Just pull it right out
The **** can't make babies
or at least so I thought
Go ahead *** inside me
Nothing will happen
That part of my life
It seems God forgot

Space

The pain is ******* UNREAL
Can I take a knife
And just end it all now
While I still have my head?
****** up my spine
****** on my liver
Well I'll be ******
I'm already dead

[SPACE.]
(C) Maxwell 2014
when your first "boyfriend" breaks up with you
put down the can of frosting
forget the melodramatics
don't buy the jesse mccartney ringtone
skip to the part where you make out with your best friends neighbor
trust me
when your next boyfriend cheats on you
put down the razor
where did you even learn that?
don't take him back
it doesn't matter that "you gave him everything"
you will have given everyone after him everything as well
When your first high school boy doesn't love you back
move on
or you will forever be the crazy girl
he may be charming and have a mesmerizing smile
but you will do dispiciple things along the way to have him
those stolen moments
will not be worth the awkward moment(s) with his girlfriend(s)
When your second high school boy doesn't love you back either
wait it out
it will happen,
on multiple occasions
but know when to move on
because waiting gets old
When you fall for your **** buddy
don't decide to make that your "slutty year"
because one year is a long time in high school
hide away in your dark room
watch charlie st. cloud on repeat
when your friends try to cheer you up-let them
the feelings will go away, but he will not
so know when to say no
but you can say yes, too
however, don't abandon real people for fake intimacy
When you fall for your friend
don't ******* tell anyone
you know it will never happen, ever
stop trying
for the love of God, stop trying
And When you think you've found what you've been looking for
turn around
go back up north
it was all a trap
*trust me
take me to the edge of oblivion,
promise me your empty lies.

sweet ecstacy,
you take me to the edge of madness.

I have been here time and time again,
I always trust you with my heart.

In this brief moment of sanity,
I choose the mundane reality of my life
with promises of joys and pains.

There is a quiet transcendent ecstasy
in a life that leads to wholeness.
it's your own fault boy
you fell for (or didn't fall for) a writer
a poet, at that
and what you have done
and said
or have not done
and didn't quite say
will not just be ink stains on a single page in our book of life
but rather tattooed pages
of war stories and statistics for others to learn and compare
silly boy,
you fell for a poet
and now you're permanent
memorization becomes easier if you write it down
this is true of spelling words
history facts
and every dagger to the heart
May my breath
be a prayer for you.
You a stranger I have yet
to welcome in my heart.

I pray that you will be safe
that you will find a safe place
to grow.

When you feel rejected and hated,
may you be held by a gentle friend
that accepts you for you.

May you encounter a loving God
in the laughter of babies
and in the eyes of puppies.

My breadth is a prayer,
and in the process of writing this prayer,
the doors of my heart have opened
to welcome you
*Home
Why dwell on the comfort
Of dusting off the adversity
That profane the corners
Of our compartments

When we can
Call upon courage
And write for those
Without the strength to crawl out
Of the hollow caves
They live in?

               You
                  And
                    I
Are blessed with the curse of
Seeing beyond the masquerades
Of others
That it becomes haunting not
To tap into their souls

And wander in the
Caves of their minds
To find the reason behind
The warped interior,

The vague, and sometimes
Vivid Answers to
           Why
They're sinking in
Self imposed darkness,
      
          
They feel they're slaves
To and in liberation,

        
They feel they can't be forgiven
For the sins they
Unintentionally created,

      
They feel so empty and hollow
And dead within that there's
Nothing, but dead spaces
Between heart beats,
  
        
They're engulfed in
Flames that they're turning
Everything they caress to ash

With every bit of
                 Taste,
                 Touch,
                 Smell
                
Lulling us into euphorias
Where fragments of
             Sound,
               Images,
                 Fragrances,
                  Thoughts,
Compound to a jungle of words
That we lose ourselves in,
Perhaps then,
We become a tad bit closer
To finding
Ourselves,
Perhaps.
The second verse was adapted from Nat Lipstadt's 'An Intimate Courage'

And this is my cheap attempt at saying we've got purpose, maybe.
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