Truth is
I can blame them for breaking my heart
I can scream loudly and tell of  how much I gave
My loyalty, my heart, my love....
Everything my father instilled in me
Though nonsensical, truth is, sometimes the very best is not desired by them
Truth is, signals of disaster went ignored
For the thought of life like the Cleavers
Fairy tale of 50's era love
Blinded by the immediate
Disposed warnings of the past
Miscarrying the trust of my future
All to live in the now
Now, this moment of smiles
This instant where laughter prevails
Exchanges of lured glances
Mine escaping as i'm exposed
Emotions spill over
Secrets, I cannot keep
Excitement at the possibility of him
Weakens the walls
Eventually they  tumble
To reveal what was once hidden
While his...yeah his... counterfeit at best
Simulated exercises
Maybe all to arrive at what lays below my waist
But I sensed....
Thought I saw a glimpse....
Betrayal that's plagued me all my life
Always present though from it I desperately flee
Easier to disregard than to affirm
Warning bells blaring
Managed to convince myself they were bells of the alter
But how can I blame them
When I surrender myself for slaughter
Melting into the arms of a dangerous stranger
Not heeding the voice of my father hopelessly screaming "WAIT"
I lunge into the sea of possibilities
Only to end up carried by currents to the sea of broken pieces
Shards of me destroyed
Truth is my pain is self inflicted
Never has my father not warned before the storm
Force myself to look in the mirror
Truth is..I always knew the truth
It was much more comfortable to live the lie
Truth is
I can blame them for breaking my heart
I can scream loudly and tell of  how much I gave
My loyalty, my heart, my love....
Everything my father instilled in me
Truth is
I bare responsibility for the tears I cry
I stand ashamed and disheartened at my truth revealed

Suddenly I find myself tumbling up a spiral staircase
Unexpected deliberate actions
Never intended to travel to this place
Though paradisiacal, tears flow as I fight back the flood
Your voice breaks my silence
Words from your lips piercing, intrusive
Cut straight through to my heart
The levees break, the dam is loose
I cry not for inflicted pain
I cry for the long wait that has now ended
I cry for the many times I wanted this
I cry for the hope of gold and not pyrite
I beg for blindness to resist the temptation to lead me
The twists and turns
The figure eights that begin and end in the same location
To disperse and become straight roads in a long journey
One of hope and not hurt
Accelerating into elation
Surging towards togetherness...oneness
Intertwine
Intertwine
Intertwine...

Hoping for the day
I can go back to a time once known
Days of vulnerability
No Great Wall of China surrounding
No fortified fortress to shelter
Just a chasing of "the great love"
Love that surpasses my understanding
The one to whom I would give
Every beat of my heart
High quality passion
Child of my womb
Caution to the wind
The man whose rib I would take to make me

Beauty from within
Wholesome
The one he dreams of
Arriving to sustain
Not to drain
Be the
Foundation upon which he builds
Arms that catch every fall
Strength in moments of weakness
Steadfast in the midst of desertion
Lips to give the kiss of appreciation

Though now faltering
Hands stretched out to keep my personal space
Revoked invitations to enter
Shoving back those who dare advance
Walls of steel with barbed wire
I use
To protect me.....
My sanity
My heart from your ache
My eyes from your gift of tears
Knees shielded from weakness
Don’t hit the ground in agony of loss
Loss of one still alive
Though chooses to be dead...
To me

Wanting to love again
Unaware of how
To let in
Anyone to try
I must confess
I'm scared

A glow shining from the inside out
As beautiful as the purple magnolias of Asia
Yet as rare as a bright orange Alaskan sunset
So long separated by time and distance
I almost do not recognize the vision set before me
Reality with the ability to transform
Distrusting my eyes
Afraid they may conspire to betray me
To lead me to the path of blunder
Surrendering me to lies and ruin
Outward perception distorted by fear
Is it the meadow of flowers I paint in my dreams?
A winsome smile forces my lips to part
Thoughts of pleasant changes captured within me
I am unable to free them but doubt still lingers
Apprehensive of the mendacious nature of my heart
She unwittingly deceives
Loves without regard to reciprocation
She dominates
I am no match for her strength
I am subject to her will
Mental chains of steel I use to restrain
But the arrows of cupid still calls
The beauty of two beings intertwined beckons
A longing to live in the painted canvas
Perfect hues, perfect shades

Messy Bessy
Pouty fussy
Screaming crying always *****

Ugly Bessy
Huffy Puffy
Yelling punching kicking kitty

Silly Bessy
Loudy mouthy
Mommy madly gives a slappy

There he was
Laying on his back bleeding
Grass beneath him
In the median, lifeless
Hat still on his head

Quickly I prayed
Breath return to his lungs
Capture the air that now fails him
Heart layed dormant
Not a sound in the chambers

All is still
As the calm before the storm
In the eye of the hurricane
No sounds to be heard
No sense of movement

False sense on serenity
Though now in perfect peace
He rests while sirens blaze
Love that is unfailing
As he sleeps now surround him

Thoughts of his family
On his arrival they wait
Path crossed unaware
They may anger he tarries
Sudden yearning in their hearts

Together we all came
Unable to continue our journeys
Affected by this sight
In this untimely death
Humanity we found

But where were we all
When no one watched
Making sure he safely crossed
In such a hurry we always are
We rather **** than a minute late arrive

Guilt now encircles your soul
Consumed by your mistake
An accident, never you meant to harm
Dreams that now haunt
Blunder everlasting

Slow down dear love
Our brothers are running
His mother is crying
Her son she's buried
Memories of him now fading