What if I'm not really okay?
What if my brain is just telling me that to be nice?
There is a smile on my face usually.
Maybe not as much as I'd like, but mostly.

I walk off in search for what?
Happiness? Serenity?
Maybe.
Maybe I'm looking for something much more.

What if I find something I never expected to find?
I don't know what I'd do.
What could I do?
Take action?

What could I do with what?
I don't know what I'd find.
I know what I want to find.
I know what would make me better.

A new beginning.

Maybe I should try it
Maybe I should not
It's a risk I can take
It's an opportunity that came to me

Two sides insidE my head
One saying I should
I should tell him I like him
I should run out there and sing
I should audition for the school play

But the other,
Ohh the other side.
telling me I could fail
I could get rejected
Or hit a bad note
Of do a horrible job while on stage

Who or what should I do
Who should I listen too
They both make a point
I don't want to fail
I could take a rejection
I couldn't handle the embarrassment

But I know one thing
I cant loose if I don't bet
But I won't win either
And if I loose, I will know what love is
I will practice more with high notes
I would be a better actor

What's the worst that can happen
Rejection
Laughs
Disappointment
But that's life
I won't ever know

In the future I will regret it
Like I regret now
Not taking my chances in the ropes coarse
Not going up the caves
Not auditioning for the right plays

Besides it's now,
Later I will be better
And more prepared
And if I fall again  
I will know how to get up easier
The harder my first fall is
The easier it will be o get up on the next fall

I can do it
I will do it
I did it

There's so much out there.
There are billions of stars.
There are stars we haven't even discovered.
But only one star in our entire solar system.

It's amazing that so much is surrounding us,
When it seems like we have it all.
We have slim to none.
But do we have all of the people?

We have billions of people on this planet.
Could it really be all of the people in the universe?
For some reason it still makes me feel lonely.
I'm afraid to find out there are no others out there.

That is why I believe there are more life forms.
I believe there are others so I don't feel so alone.
Maybe they could be our friends.
Maybe they could change our future,

But we can't be alone.

Lie with me tonight
and I will make love to you,

Hold me tight, make me feel brand new
We'll revel in the waning lights,
with promises of tomorrow

Not knowing if they'll come
I'll kiss you tenderly til dawn
Cause I know, in the morning,
You'll be gone

Chaos from my mind moves to my skin
This time,red drops falling instead of tears
The cold blade dances across my wrists
Leaving long, raised pink bumps
Reminding me of me strengths
And weaknesses
Soon they will be just white scars
More red lines and bumps will take their place
Marking my body like tattoos
Like battle scars from the war in my mind
My mind remains blurred
The cutting doesn't help
But only numbs the pain
Some ask "Why cut?"
I  say "Why live
everyday a struggle
another day
another scar"