a cigarette burn
on my thigh
and mascara stains
on my sleeve
-

i long for words that would sail us
to middle earth;
a step up from hell for me,
a step down from the heavens for you

she and i discussed at length
the way that yearning pierces
painfully, just as the time before,
never any less, maybe a little more
over hand rolled cigarettes,
wine, and salsa dancing

we looked at a history of our city,
hard working men who breathed
through fire and molten metal,
and spoke for hours about how
art is the saving grace in this mess

i wished that i could find a way
to convince you to see the world
through my eyes,
but i know yours are just as bright
and maybe even more beautiful,
if not more unique

if only my mind could find
the answers
a piece of my world transfered
to yours

i'd like to show you all i have to offer
but realization of sure fire rejection
trumps desire for detection

now don't think that i sit
and wish for you in droves
a tiny shadow woman
who hasn't got any hope
because that isn't it, far from the truth
i'm just hopeless in wanting for things
that could've, should've, would've been

(J. H., 1905-1930)

If she had been beautiful, even,
Or wiser than women about her,
Or had moved with a certain defiance;
If she had had sons at her sides,
And she with her hands on their shoulders,
Sons, to make troubled the Gods--
But where was there wonder in her?
What had she, better or eviler,
Whose days were a pattering of peas
From the pod to the bowl in her lap?

That the pine tree is blasted by lightning,
And the bowlder split raw from the mountain,
And the river dried short in its rushing--
That I can know, and be humble.
But that They who have trodden the stars
Should turn from Their echoing highway
To trample a daisy, unnoticed
In a meadow of small, open flowers--
Where is Their triumph in that?
Where is Their pride, and Their vengeance?

the coffee was cold.
a day old.
i heated it.
poured it.
fought through it.

put on a b-film.
something about crap
films made our lives
feel more fulfilling.

we laughed.
exposed every flaw.
we held hands.
snuck
loving glances.

i have to wake up in three
hours, but all i can think
is life is luck,
even for the dumbest of us,
when you tell your
eyes to open up.

Stop showing
You love me
A little at a time.

Stop saying
You care
Bit by bit.

Stop keeping
Me here
For tiny pieces of time.

Because I need
All of you
Not piece by piece.

I love
All of you
Not just some parts of you.

So love all of me
All the way
All the time.

Or let all of me go
All at once
For good.

The great thing
is not having
a mind. Feelings:
oh, I have those; they
govern me. I have
a lord in heaven
called the sun, and open
for him, showing him
the fire of my own heart, fire
like his presence.
What could such glory be
if not a heart? Oh my brothers and sisters,
were you like me once, long ago,
before you were human? Did you
permit yourselves
to open once, who would never
open again? Because in truth
I am speaking now
the way you do. I speak
because I am shattered.

I walk through life with my palms open, my arms spread wide
and i keep my eyes looking up at the sky thinking
what was it i was supposed to do today?
i can't remeber now
i've flipped through my lists a dozen times
tripped over words that just don't ryhme
and i just can't seem to remember
what it was i was trying to say
because i feel like every time i write these words
they turn out all wrong
or like lyrics to some sort of ****** country song
and i can't help but wonder "am i trying too hard?"
to make you see this side of me that i truely don't understand myself
and it's not that i don't know who i am or what i stand for
because there are a million things i would like to say
and would gladly die for them if only given the chance
it's these words that i spill out come from a place even i haven't explored
and i would if given the time, i would take up my sheild and my sword
and ride away into the sunset and not return until i had learned
what it was i was going for.
it seems that one day just blurs into the next
and they fly by so quickly that i can't catch them with my net
and these hours i try to cherish don't seem to last
they were my future but now, now they're my past
the present you see doesn't last
and it just comes and goes way too fast
and i wish, i wish i could understand,
why it was i tried to make you see my point of view,
when yours is so much more interesting.

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how