You have broken every thing in my heart
and you continually break it everyday you exist
you have stolen from me
so many experiences and memories that
could have been different
had you not killed the hope I hung on to
like it was my last breath

you've given me so much pain
that I have to hide from everyday
so that you don't think yourself important
because you certainly lack modesty

you are not allowed to hurt me
you are not allowed to break my heart anymore
and mess with my head
or bring yourself joy from watching me suffer
endlessly over you and your twisted words
that haunt me every day you pretend
like you didn't do a **** thing

I'm telling you
I'm screaming it in your ear
I want you out of my life

you will not ruin the one thing I have
that makes all the pain you caused me
blow away and the one person who
lights up my eyes everyday I'm alive
you will not ruin this for me,
like you've ruined everything else

they come from a place within us that is plagued with hate
where favorite words are worst nightmares
and torturing becomes a daily routine

they bring you here to make you feel
like there is no one else who can save you now
because here, you have no god
and even if you did, he won't save you anymore

you'll dig inside to try and find what you did wrong
but all you'll find is confusion, regrets and ambiguity
you're walking in circles
digging yourself a grave
all the way to the core of the earth
where you swore to yourself that when you're rotting and burning

this will all end

I'll never get over this bitter taste
in the back of my mouth
and the slight burning in my throat
how uncomfortable it feels
and how I hate it when it's there

but when it's gone
I want to feel the slightly off feeling
of having a dull razor stuck in my throat
and acid to wash it down

so I make my way to the toilet
to rid myself of this extra weight
and feel what I've been dying to feel

it's not about losing weight

How the hell could you pick me out of a crowd
and notice my crooked hairline
my slightly larger right eye
the scars on my arms
and call them perfectly beautiful
when all I can see are imperfections
that disgust me in the most painful of ways
because that's me, an imperfection
sadness written in bruises
and you know you can't fix it
but you're willing to try
but I promise one of us will get our hearts broken
because I'll ask you to stay forever
and you can't deal with it

I know that I'm just another passerby
but I have a letter shoved away in my pocket
that is filled with sorrows, regrets, apologies
so I can leave in peace
with someone to know that I was alone
I want everyone to know that I've been abused
by the simple fact that you never said hello
when I needed it the most

every word pushing me closer to the edge
literally being pushed to the edge
of the earth, to my limits, to the grave
and all I can see are low faces
stuck in a useless routine
of living in a filthy world
where we grew up, and learned to be bitter
and ignore the girls who are being pushed to the edge
with a letter in their pocket that screams
"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE NOTICE ME?"
until it's gone to far
and it's all gone

today
I washed away my sorrows
my deepest inner part
to concrete

my eyes were in tears
my stomach turning
my throat burning
my nose running
and a disgusting scent
rotting away in my mouth

but I couldn't help but notice
a lifted weight
a dizzy high
a strange goodbye
to time passing by

as my weight dropped
and all I could do is sit back and watch
as I slowly killed myself
and enjoyed it

This is nobody's fault but my own
and that's the part that scares me
I don't have a story
where I list my triggers
and where it all began
with who
doing what
when
because it wasn't an exact time or place
when I started to see me as too big
and the world, too small
now I'm left to die with a vision
of watching my stomach
rise and fall