Four bottles of ***** and 10 cases of beer
And everyone's drinking for different reasons
And I'm alone
With all of my friends
don't you see them?
And I'm spinning
And I'm still drinking
And they grab me and pull me to the ground
And rip me open
And spiders crawl out
I lay there
*And I'm alone.

The monster crawled out from under your bed and embedded itself in your head.
Now you begin to see strange things, you shiver as the monster sings.
It's voice is eery, dark and sad,
it's plans are evil, sick and mad.
You try to run
you cannot hide,
you cry alone
teary eyed.
You're scared, you're helpless, you want to cry.
The monster torments until you die.
But tell me, honestly, what would you do?
What would you do if that monster was you?

The doors are open
you don't know how.
Why did I open my eyes
just to see you die
Why didn't I see it
Unfolding again?
Why didn't you stop me?
You saw me headed for disaster.

Why didn't you open your eyes?
And why did you let yourself die?
I knew that I'd gone too far
but I let myself fall too hard

I should have opened my eyes and saw what would start
I should have know right from the first ****** scar
That my heart would be broken
My body torn open
My mind always coping
My soul always hoping
That my eyes would see me back to the start.

I'd like to know if it was beyond my control
Why did I let you revert?
I just wanted to see you hurt.
But that masochistic state of mind
Is how I let myself die

How does it not hurt me
to cut my own skin and deprive my body?
Why am I sad that I woke up today?
On my death bed still wondering
how much I weigh

I should have opened my eyes and saw what would start
I should have know right from the first ****** scar
That my heart would be broken
My body torn open
My mind always coping
My soul always hoping
That my eyes would see me back to the start.

Back to start,
before I fell apart

Back to the start,
a beating heart.

Back to the start

If only I could just restart.

I didn't try to leave, but why would I stay?
I can't stand living here for another day.
If I'm trying to be different, then I'm pretty much the same
Everyone's trying to play that game.
I've got things to run from and things I haven't done
My friends are all gone and I'm sick of everyone

I've been getting jealous of butterflies
They can go anywhere with curious eyes
But then I've been thinking
And that wasn't wise
If they can go anywhere
Why can't I?

And I start to wonder if wonder is blind
And I wonder what I'm even trying to find
If all I'm trying to do is free my mind,
Then I guess I'm just another undefined eye.

I'll leave here before everything dies
Before I become the demon I've been trying to disguise
Because if I stay with all this mess
Then nothing changes
I'm still
Hopeless,
At best.

To love or to be loved is what is comes down to.
To skip another meal or to not feel real;
for them to whisper and have you know
or have them whisper and it be a secret.
To keep him or lose him
to love and amuse him or
to be stupid and not choose him.
Would it make a difference if my father didn't leave
or if my brother was good and my mother didn't grieve?
If the beats didn't hurt and the words were not true
If you saw everything straight and knew what to do.
If the mirrors didn't scream--If it were only a dream;
To love or to be loved is what it came down to.
Love yourself and be unloved and you'll never pull through.

You could blame it on how she got turned inside out
or you could blame it on who she was.
You could give her pill after pill and pray she's not ill,
but her mind will not subside.
She sees the doors dancing and hear the white noise
She hears suicide calls and it is not her own voice.
She either feels with no choice or feels nothing at all,
everyone knows, but they just watch her fall.
She hits the floor with a scream
still nobody hears.
She's been forced to go on
and swallow her fears.
But the voices drag on, and they all seem so loud--
reprimanding her for being avowed.
So feelings of hate and dread rush back in
the voices scream 'FAILURE', so she'll never win.
She's been told before that she was insane
but they took her away,
and nothing was the same.

Counting calories, telling lies
She'll keep this up until she dies.
Empty eyes, empty stomach, empty heart, empty mind;
What I've become is enough to drive myself mad
Empty, empty, empty. I'm nothing but sad.
So here it is girls, the rumors were true
I try so hard to be as skinny as you.
A monster, A *******, empty, empty girl;
I'm killing myself with my poor mental health.
Starving for beauty, beauty is pain
My head hurts so bad, I'm going insane.
Clutching my ribs, my thighs caving in
They were right--
Anorexia wins.